'effen' G

Girl.imp is home doing her homework today.

and by doing her homework, I of course, mean she is circling the house and carrying on a rambling conversation as she works off the sugar high from her afternoon snacks.

Her homework consists of writing sentences that begin with the letter 'F' and the letter 'G'.  Oh, and she has to write in cursive.

Her comment upon starting the assignment was:

"I hate effen G!"

or more correctly stated,

'I hate 'F' and 'G''

I like my version better.  It is more fun to repeat.

I can use the bathroom sink again!!

You might remember that I posted about one of girl.imp's recent science experiments.  The one where she scooped poo out of the toilet (using t.p.) and set it in the bathroom sink so she could break it open to see what was inside??

I might have also mentioned that since discovering the experiment (she saw what she needed then left the mess in the sink...and I found it) I have not been able to use that sink for anything.  If I had to use said facilities I would use the sink in the other bathroom or the kitchen to wash my hands.  I simply could not even muster the courage to turn the water on...

However, since getting the stomach flu a few weeks ago and finding that this particular bathroom was the easiest to run to, I have been able to use the sink again!!!

yeah me....

Another List

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Nope

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
It must have been the Fall of '87. We just lost the last football game of the year to make our total 1 and 11. No, I really was not enamored with my teammates so I guess the last time I really cried (not for my parents benefit when trying to avoid chores) was in 2nd grade when nobody would partner with me for an in-class project.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
When I don't have to read it, yes.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Hot

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Who wouldn't? I mean I am nearly the center of the universe...and humble.

Did I mention the humbleness in my nature?

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Me??

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. But I still have all my fingers and toes and if you were around when I was growing up...

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Not sober...and I do not drink.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Granola

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
what, and give them a chance to escape?

12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Sweet corn or Cheese

13. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE
Pretty people?

14. RED OR PINK?
define the situation where this choice is important?
* Cooked Beef
* Bleeding from horrible wounds

If given these choices, then Pink.

15. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I cannot speak at least 7 different languages fluently

16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
The candy man...no! The popsicle truck driving guy...no, that girl that introduced me to the Lewinski, before it was a Lewinski...

17. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
Sure why not...if you feel like it.

18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants? Pants? I don't need no stinkin' pants!

19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Cincy Reds replay of a game from 1999

20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
The White one...Nobody ever uses the white one so it is the only crayon in the box to not be used when all the others are broken and peeled...

21. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Let's shorten this list and say it is not, bad breath, stinky feet, dirty diapers or body odor

22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
A telemarketer called...and probably won't be calling back.

23. WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO TOMORROW?
First I thought I would get out of bed and brush my teeth, then urinate
Or let's say urinate then brush my teeth
I might then eat breakfast, depending on how many NPR dreams I enjoyed
after that I will probably try to read part of the paper.
I tend to want to look at the weather first because if it is going to be warm, then I can take a light jacket with me when I go out, however if it is going to stay cold, then I will want only my coat...

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
Big Ten Network Executives: This answer is just for you.

NOT WRESTLING!!

25. HAIR COLOR?
I still have the natural color I was born with.

26. EYE COLOR?
Sounds permanent...

27. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
I can poke my finger in my eye and barely manage to squeeze out a tear now

28. FAVORITE FOOD?
Today?
This week?
Last Month?

Why do you keep trying to pigeon hole me?? Why? Why I say??

29. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
ooooh...I loves me my happy endings...

does that sound a little creepy to you too?

30. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Happy Times!

Funny Chinese movie

31. SUMMER OR WINTER?
When it's summer, then summer
When it's winter, then winter

32. HUGS OR KISSES?
BOTH

33. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Is anybody out there?

34. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above.

35. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I am reading 4 (or if I can find that Pratchett book then 5) books right now

36. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
the mouse

37. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
WIpeout, something on DIsney, Something on Nick, Something on Disney again...That Chinese movie...

38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Stones

39. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Conscious?

40. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Third Rock from the Sun

Drying off after a shower

Just last week boy.imp was suffering from sinus/ear infections.  How did I diagnose this?  First he was shivering in a warm shower (and the doctor told me that earlier in the day).  Second he was shivering whilst I was toweling him off after the shower.

Figuring that he would stay cold, I did the only thing a caring dad would do for his freezing offspring.  I whipped out the hair dryer and sooner than he could sneeze he was toasty warm.  And I saved one towel from adding to the dirty clothes pile... 

Meme Madness

Rules: Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . . nothing made up! You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Have Fun!!

1. What is your name: Dennis
2. A four Letter Word: Deep
3. A boy's Name: David
4. A girl's Name: Dolly
5. An occupation: Diplomat
6. A color: Damask
7. Something you wear: Denim
8. A food: Dates
9. Something found in the bathroom: Diaper Rash ointment (yes, our imps have been out of diapers for a few years now…we probably need to clean out our medicine cabinet)
10. A place: Denver
11. A reason for being late: ‘damn alarm clock is set on the NPR station and instead of waking up I incorporated the news into my dreams…’
12. Something you shout: Dang me! Dang me! They oughta take a rope and hang me! High from the highest tree….! (ok, just ‘dang it!’)
13. A movie title: Deer Hunter
14. Something you drink: Diet Cola
15. A musical group: Def Leppard
16. An animal: Dolphin
17. A street name: Dearborne Ave.
18. A type of car: Duesenberg
19. A song title: Dock of the Bay
20. A verb: Deliver

Sometimes...Sometimes I just want to beat my head against a wall...

Girl.imp and her friend are downstairs watching t.v.

g.imp: dad?  dad? (rushing upstairs)

g.imp: dad, can you look up on google whether or not touching your breasts can give you cancer?

me: touching your breasts will not give you cancer. (why does this happen when I am home?) Cancer is a mutation in the genes in your body.

friend: yeah, did you know that leukemia is the rarest form of cancer?

me: uhuh (is this the last word on this subject?)

the imps move back downstairs...

friend: I knew that touching your breasts would not give you cancer.  I must have touched mine 1,000 times and I didn't get cancer.  I get headaches.

me: (????!!!????)

friend:  I have a headache right now...

Changes at the Playground

Well, my Inay (wife.imp's mom--Inay is tagalog for mother/mom/female parental unit) has been staying with us and an ongoing struggle has been waged, very politely, but waged.

First let me say that this is a variant on the struggle I had with with my SIL (and with wife.imp) when she stayed with us.  At some point last year I decided, 'No more 'effen yardsales!'  So, if an object annoyed me and had no immediate/future use that could be easily ascertained and I did not make it to the goodwill, off to the corner of the drive it went on trash day.

Well my wife's side of the family comes from a country where things are recycled until not even spit and glue can keep things together.  SO, either w.imp would chastise me about irresponsible disposal habits or the SIL would (sometimes quite literally) follow me to the trash deposited by the curb and drag things back to the garage.  She CLAIMED that she would have them shipped home if we no longer wanted/used them.  

Ok.  I let things stand with the stuff, until SIL left and left me a garage full of crap that I tried to throw away.  I can now repeat those words so famously uttered by our previous president, "Mission Accomplished!"

This brings us to the leftover battle I am waging with Inay.  I will let things sit for 1 week (maybe for 1 week plus days) in the fridge before I start eyeing the trash.  IF nobody is eating the food (and that happens) or we do not recycle it as a leftover dinner (this rarely happens) then it must go.

Unless Inay eats it first.  There have been times when I have told her that it has been a good effort but things really should go.  So it has become a race.  Will the oatmeal leftover from last Tuesday get eaten before trash day, or will I be cleaning leftovers out of the fridge on Wednesday night?

So far it is a clear draw...

I Have Been Tagged

Thank you Diana!

1. My favorite bumper stickers: As a matter of fact office, I do own the road! //
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray

2. My baby photo makes the dog walking backwards with its butt shaved a Brad
Pitt look-a-like

3. I am often at odd with myself: Store this junk just in case it can be useful or
throw this crap away because it take up too much space

4. As a younger lad, deadlines tended to amuse me

5. They still do.

6. Our family had its own time zone. There was the Eastern Time zone, Slow
time (re: how women view the actual time when they are supposed to leave the
house for a party) and our family's time (re: how long the scout troop/baseball
team/football team would actually delay departing on a road trip before I would
finally show up)

7. I will judge your character within 1 minute of actually meeting you. (I have a
brother who will make his decision based on the first words out of your mouth)

8. I have never been wrong

9. I tend to finish your part of the conversation in my mind before you actually
do finish speaking

10. This makes laughing at your jokes hard

11. I have been wrong

12. I do realize that I am not the center of the universe

13. No, really. I am serious.

14. I believe that all things are possible to achieve

15. Until you don't achieve them. Then they are impossible, impractical, and just plain not cool

16. I have often tried to discern the moment when political correctness took the place of common sense

17. I believe that with today's pc culture the phrase 'Suck it up' can cause more trouble than it helps

18. Suck it up!

19. Tattoos as a means to show how tough one is is so low class. Any damn fool can draw a picture

20. But the covering of ones body with the scars of life (like that tree branch that broke my fall--momentarily- when I was 5sh, or that scar on my arm from when I was wrestling my brother and he pulled my arm through the metal workings on the underside of the couch or the time I dropped that knife through the back of my hand)...

21. Everyone please meet any damn fool...

22. Redheads are the best (especially when it comes with green eyes and a slight Irish lilt)

23. Bottled red is worse than bottled blonde

24. Pundits (both liberal and conservative--moderates have too much self-respect) should be caged on and island somewhere. Guantanamo..?

25. I often wonder if Hollywood can/will actually release more than 2-3 films a year that are not remakes of an older movie

New Year Redux

Last February there was one weekend when everyone was sick and piled one on top of another on the couch...

That weekend arrived this year this past weekend...