The Imps as heard this week

Monday:
wife.imp: (speaking to boy.imp who had climbed to the top of the couch behind me and started grabbing fistfuls of my hair...) Hey! Don't pull daddy's hair like that! He doesn't have much left and probably won't have that for much longer!

Tuesday:
me: So after dinner who wants to get their bath--shower
imps: (wailing, crying, rending of clothes...)
me: if you take your showers now, then you will have almost an hour to play afterwards before bedtime...
imps: (pause) Oh! I'll go! I'll go!

Today:
girl.imp: Look! I got National Geographic for Kids (yes, she actually says things like this) in the mail!!
A few minutes later as she is ripping animal cards (think baseball cards with pictures of animals on one side and their specific info on the reverse side):
girl.imp: I'm in Heaven!!

What Frat Should We Be Looking For?

Earlier tonight, I was blithly yammering on the phone with my elder sib, girl.imp was coloring on the couch next to me.

Gee Dennis, this sounds like one of your tangents. You seem to be moving a little off focus. Well I would have to agree with you. However this point is appropriate because she was watching boy.imp, right before he walked up to me...

b.imp: Here daddy! Smell my finger!
(I want to stress, b.imp is only 3-years-old. He should NOT be doing this...well, at least not to me! This is something that he should be doing in 3rd grade! Like when I was in 3rd grade and one of my classmates unzipped his pants and ran down the hall, chasing the girls, will his thumb hanging out of his pants!!)
me: Wha? Oh. OH.MY.GOD!! What did you do? Stick your finger in your butt?
b.imp: (laughing) Yes!!

and what did my elder sib and beautiful girl.imp do? They.Laughed. They laughed until they started to choke and cry!! Then laughed some more.

There is Professional Behavior, there is Unprofessional Behavior, and there is Immature...

Professional is not only showing up for the job in proper business appropriate attire, but actually backing up the look with the attitude and work ethic.

The best, most-recent example of being professional is from James Burnett’s blog (www.burnettiquette.blogspot.com) of Feb. 2, 2007

“…his publicist, who didn't grace us with her presence, had pre-determined who could interview him. No print media outlets are on the list. I tell the very, very large bodyguard that the print-less interview list is foul and that we scribes should be given equal access for a number of reasons...”

Kudos to James for going after a story even with the risk of being very publicly rejected, either verbally or physically, as is proper and demanded of any reporter.

Pageant Mom and Diana, I suspect, could also deliver reams of paper on the subject of Professional Behavior (what it is, what it is not...).

Unprofessional is the unnamed/unseen publicist mentioned in James’ blog and also includes:

1) Calling off from work because you are sick (but you really are going to go visit with your girlfriend who is home for the weekend from college. Yes, I am still amazed that I was not immediately terminated.)

2) Asking a co-worker to cover your shift because your ‘grandmother was in the hospital and you wanted to be there with her—just in case.’ Then coming back after the weekend and detailing, in depth, just how ‘righteously awesome’ that concert was. It has been almost 15 years and I cannot remember your name Frat Boy! But I will…I will!!!

Immature is being hired into a business with very professional expectations (attire, attitude, performance...some place that would be just like wife.imp's company), spending just over two months on the job and then quitting -- giving no warning, not even allowing management to discuss options or even to offer a short leave of absence – via email!!!!

More Snow on the Way means: more frigid weather, one more day less before College Football returns, one more day at home from school for the imps...

Here is something to brighten your day:

(I took a chance and opened an email with attachments today!!)


I would love to have seen this on the roads in the last week...


Have you ever lived next to a 'Hyacinth Bucket'?
(BBC: "Keeping Up Appearances")


According to my dad, as a child I WAS this family!!!

Just makes me want to burn the grill instead...

I found my mid-life crisis Tatoo!

Spackdown at the Playground II

background: boy.imp is in the process of dumping the giant, green tub of toys in order to get at his 5 or 6 toy cars.

wife.imp: don't take all of them out!
b.imp: Be quiet mommy. Focus on your computer!

Proving my Unyielding Anonymity

Google Searches

Raleigh, North Carolina: Pinched my sister’s butt.
Hoookay: I see you are well on your way to proving the clichés to be true

Newport News, Virginia: Sexy Imps
Well since being married and modestly humble means I cannot ‘pimp’ myself or my wife, then you will have to be satisfied with my picks;
1) Audrey Hepburn – even dead she is still the best
2) Keegan Connor Tracy (you can see her on the Sci Fi Channel in the show “Jake 2.0”)
3) Billie Piper (recently of Dr. Who fame)

Glasgow City, Glasgow, United Kingdom: Going for the Snip
Good luck dude!!

Blacksburg, Virginia: “Trophy Husband”
…ummm I am off of the market. But a picture (along with a quick review of your financial status) would never hurt…

Jacksonville, Florida: "Do You Know Your Spouse" "Game"
No, we were an arranged marriage and we still live in seperate countries. The game game is to guess how we both have three children since our marriage, even though we have never lived closer than 10,000 miles apart..?

Have you thought of visiting, one of THOSE stores that are advertised next to most truck stops along the freeway? (although the next game might be, how do I pay for certain meds without the wife finding out...?)

Los Angeles, California: Incessant Burping Cure
If you find out, then let me know. However, if you are younger than 25, I might suggest quitting the Frat..?

Louisville, Kentucky: Monkey Speak No Evil clipart
…is there a story behind this that is more interesting than this blog (how can there not be..?)

Kagoshima, Japan: Voltes V
Still a family favorite

Rochester, New York: No search term
Hello, Extreme Mortman. Y’all come back now, hear?

Whoduhthunkit.blogsome.com: Justdmarine
—I have neglected you (unintentionally) but this will soon be rectified.

Washington D.C. (dare I hope/dread coming to the attention of White House staff/management??), Karnataka, Bangalore, India and Seattle, Washington: Imps
(see Sexy Imps above)

Hope Valley, Rhode Island: Walmart Barefoot.
Yes, we have them out here too!

San Salvadore, El Salvadore: imp.play'gestures'
????

Proving that my ego has been flattened:

Stops: 1 page, 0 seconds – Oh, come on people!! Surely you can find something you liked..??

York Springs, Pennsylvania
Seattle, Washington
Waterford, Connecticut
Albany, Georgia
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Wolcott, Indiana
Houston, Texas
Denver, Colorado
Nueva Ecija, Quezon, Philippines – You know, I am fairly certain I know who you are…
Valdosta, Georgia: 4 visits and you cannot even look around?? Come on! We won’t bite…much
Marshalltown, Iowa: 2 visits (see Valdosta, Georgia above)
Glace Bay, Nova Scotia, Canada

Bad Day At The Office

So Dennis, we have unburdoned ourselves and shared bad days at the office. So what about you? We know that you are a working dad (now) and you must have something to share..?

Yes, although my office here at the Playground rolls on four wheels and the only annoying people I meet up with on a regular basis are the morning disc jockeys at (name your station. If they are on the air, they are ass-puckeringly annoying. (sorry honey)).

So my bad day took two days to really set in. Yesterday I wanted to get up early to conduct some on-site research at a courthouse 2 1/2 hours from home. This means I would need to leave before 6:00 a.m. to arrive early enough to do any meaningful work.

Boy.imp woke up around mid-night Tuesday with a sever, sore throat. With medicine and wife.imp's TLC he eventually went to sleep resulting in my staying home (flexible hours) all day Wednesday.

Thus my schedule for the end of the week is off course. Today I crammed some research in with talking to actual people but only worked 1/2 the hours available to me because I had to rush home for a Parent-Teacher conference.

So this brings us to the 'bad day' part of my work. I stopped at a gas station to fill up on gas and to obtain some brake fluid because the Idiot Light in the dash was screaming at me. During this stop I:

a: Cleaned out and threw away the trash from my fast food banquets--along with my car keys, house keys, key to my parents house...

b: had to stand inbetween all the gas pumps (where the trash bin was located) and "Dumpster Dive." Yes, I was up to my elbows in empty pop/beer cans, soda cups, and auto related chemicals, about 1 bazillion cigarrette butts and handfuls of ash-filled mud and it took me about 3-4 minutes of emptying all this garbage on the ground around me before I found my keys!!

c: Yes, I actually upped the ante and went for the tri-fecta. I thought I purchased Fuel Injector Cleaner (at this point, I would like to state the bottle was clearly marked in English and I do have more than a passing understanding of the English language). After pouring about 1/2 a bottle of Power Steering Fluid into the gas tank, I added another bottle of fluid to the growing pool of muddy ash to the ground around my car.

I am mere minutes away from the scheduled Parent-Teacher conference. Any bets on how well this meeting will turn out??