There was a time when cutting down the Christmas Tree was the highlight of the holiday season...

Every year (after Thanksgiving or my birthday, whichever came last) I would look forward to driving out to the 'ole tree farm, trudging across miles of fields full of trees searching for that perfect tree. There were so many choices, short and fat, tall and lean, long-needled, short-needled, trees with 'holes' in them that could be turned to the corner and hidden under ornaments...

Yes, cutting down the real tree and carrying it, regardless of the cold, the pine needles that worked their way under your coat and shirt collar, and coating your hands in pine sap...Yes, this was Christmas!

Then approx 5 years ago, our tree died.

What you say? The trees will die anyway? That is what happens when you cut them off from the support system of their roots?

Ok. I accept that fact. The tree was supposed to die.


and...IT.DID.

One week before Christmas the tree gave up the ghost and all of its needles.

EVERY.SINGLE.NEEDLE.

So on the last trash pick-up day before Christmas, ours was the only house that had a dead, brown, needless tree at the curb waiting for pickup and a new, dead, green, plastic tree up and decorated (and I got it 1/2 priced too!!)

So this year I wormed into the crawlspace and hauled the Christmas Tree upstairs for assembly.








Yes, we are officially in Christmas mode here at the Playground!!

I am sooooo ashamed!

Imagine wife.imp suggested that she would not mind a snack (late nite) and continues to ponder the subject, finally deciding on popcorn. Even though I was not (apparently) one of the snack items considered, I trotted out to la cocina and tossed a packet of popcorn in the microwave.

Ok, I need to digress here. Yes, I have been cooking since the tender age of 12. I started cooking popcorn in a pot on the stove. I do know what a microwave is....

I knew I was in trouble when:
1- after starting the microwave I started pouring soda in a glass and decided I need not rush the process as the timer was still showing 61/2 minutes.

2- I finished pouring the soda and realized there was less noise in the kitchen than what one usually associates with popcorn popping.

3- After the timer beeped and there were no sounds, no smells of cooked or burnt corn kernels, I realized what happened. Instead of pressing the 'popcorn' preset button on the blamed machine, I actually told it to defrost 11/2 pounds of ground beef!!

I believe this actually ties (for total amount of stupidity) the time (I was 14) when I was making a Lemon Meringue pie from scratch and discovered we did not have one graham cracker in the house. However we did have a full, unopened box of Ritz All-Purpose Crackers...

So what are your food faux pas?

'I'm a VERRRRRRRY BAAAAD boy!'

VS.


Ok, around 8:10 p.m.sh tonight I flipped the t.v. off of the Disney Channel (it was bathtime for the imps. It was almost bedtime for the imps. I had to finish assembling our Christmas Tree).

To make my case, 'That's So Raven' was over. A new show was juuuust beginning to start and Monday Night Football was also starting:

boy.imp: Santa! (whiny voice that fully registers both his anger and sadness as only a three -year-old can) I want Santa! (brief pause as he glares directly at me) Bad Daddy! Bad Daddy! You put football on!

Time-Hasteners - Take Two

As we are embarking on the current version of the the holiday blues (you know who you are: In-Laws planning on stopping by , Kids are home ALL DAY from school, work is a bear; no more holiday days or sick days, and right now where is all that Darn Snow??

So, because Time is ever moving (no matter how slow), I am proffering items 12-10 on my list of daily interludes:

12: http://www.bigducky.com/prank_calls/911.htm - This baby has been around for years! It has been an Uban Legend. It might very well (and probably is) be fake. But funny is as funny does!

11: http://addictinggames.com/bowman2.html - ok, ok you look at this and say 'Whahuh?' But think about it! Stickmen bearing weapons! Ok, it's a bow, but still...

10: http://addictinggames.com/territorywar.html - ok, this is officially a trend. But let's take away the bow and update the weapons!

Enjoy!



oh, you're welcome!

Since My Birthday is Sunday and we ARE in the Midst of the Holiday Season...

... AND we are at the start of a long stretch of the looooong holiday season when those of us...you..whom are still fully involved in the grinding, soul-wearying, endlessly gray, mind-numbing, work-filled days, want nothing better than a brief respite, a smile, a chuckle, nay--mayhaps a hearty guffaw!

So, since I no longer fight the Man for table-leavings and scraps (eg: a salary) I am going to list 15 of my past and present 'Time Hasteners'.

15) Trogdor the Burninator - http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html - I have never met Strongbad, but color me a fan for this animation alone. Oh, and turn the sound down!!

14) Pendulumeca - http://addictinggames.com/pendulumeca.html - It is almost criminal the way you can have so much fun with just the one mouse button.

13) The Hamster or Frog from JoeCartoons.com. Turn the volume down and remember (Diane this one is for you) You can envision the most annoying imp.worker in you department in these situations!!)

My Apologies to Radioactive Girl. The Picture of the Turkey was Great! The Bird looked perfect! Well almost perfect, since it had a name and all...

I felt it needed a personality...

Lunch Out

Ok, I have been invited to lunch with the wife.imp and her co-workers!
Yes, the Trophy Husband is going on display for the holidays!!

I must keep this short so that I can get out the power washer and scrape of the grime and grit built up over the last....oh, 30 odd years!! LOL

Then I will have to go do some shopping. Some for me, some for the holidays!

Being the 'Kept Man' might have its advantages!

anyone know what time Oprah is on?