Here I am with my previously long hair...

I do not currently have a photo with the shortened tresses...

Ok, diana, you and wife.imp have worn me down!!

...so about 9 years ago I had a stressful day at work and had a headache (I was still in 'Office Monkey' work mode) and saw an open beauty salon on the way home. I pulled in and told the unfortunate woman that I needed a haircut.

me: Use the size two clippers. all over.
clip.imp: um, are you sure
me: yep! take it all off!
clip.imp: ok...are you really sure about this?

This haircut took about 45 minutes because every three seconds the clip.imp would stop and verify that I was not about to sue her for denuding my head!

Why do I bring this story up now?

Because I woke up Sunday late, with a headache, and sore throat, and was not feeling good at all. My solution? What will make me feel better? Let's go see the clip.imp!

So I went to the beauty salon (I gave up going to the barber after my first trip to the Philippines) on Sunday and asked for a hair cut.

Now this time I did not ask to be remade into the image of a cue ball with a spiky red bristles. No, this time it was sized 41/2 clippers!

I look smokin!!!

Now should I get a goatee or a Burt Reynold's 'stache? (in classic orange-red of course!)

Weekend Update

Sunday:
Wife.imp has been at a loss to purchase something nice for my sister's wedding. It looks as if sis wants more practical items. While wife.imp understands this desire, she views weddings as the opportunity to acquire those pieces that can be 'showcase' items that gain in value as they age.

Soooo, after struggling to find something that qualifies both as practical and 'showcase', she turned the job over to me. I went to the store where sis was registered and inside of 15 minutes (I had to buy new boots, a ps2 for the fam, and decided to toss in a pair of slippers for me) I had the gift.

No fuss, no muss and the box makes it easy for wife.imp to wrap!

JOB.WELL.DONE!!


or so I thought...

While wife.imp picked apart my choice (a coffee maker that was identified as desireable on the list of registered items...apparently sis is not a coffee drinker--who knew? It WAS on the list) she then asked if I:
a) scanned the barcode for the registry (HUNH???)
Yes those columns of numbers on the side of the list actually mean something. Perhaps reading the document for more than the listed items would have been beneficial AND scanning the barcode on the list apparently updates the list in order to reduce chances of someone duplicating our gift.

again...WHO KNEW?

I think this is something that women inherently know. They just seem to absorb this info out of thin air.
b) got the register's Gift Certificate, in case sis accidently placed this item in her registry and needed to return it (or as wife.imp pointed out--perhaps more than one party would purchase this item as it was not annotated as being already purchased on said registry).

Saturday:
Two hours before game time (OSU v IOWA) the neighbor.imp came over and asked of girl.imp could go outside and play. As it was still daylight outside and the rain had not yet arrived, I was forced to allow this intrusion into my gameday preparations.

Then boy.imp wanted to go outside. So then I HAD to go outside. We have no t.v. outside. MY gametime was slowly eroding away as the imps tried to throw rotten apples at each other or smack each other with sticks. WAY.MORE.FUN.THAN.FOOTBALL
Thankfully the thunderstorms arrived 45 minutes before gametime!!

Friday:
The imps finally got hair cuts and boy.imp actually looks like a boy!

It is Cleaning Day Friday

So tonight at 10:40 p.m. wife.imp and I are sitting in front of the Educational Death Ray (otherwise known as our t.v.) waiting for the internet connection to work when we hear water running in the kitchen.

So, being the worn out adults we actually are, I holler at the phantom noises:
'girl.imp'? - no answer
'boy.imp'? - not answer

I check out wife.imp (who ignores me, obviously thinking 'if I don't make eye contact he will have to go up and check out what the imps are doing to my kitchen...if I don't make eye contact...)

She did not make eye contact. I went upstairs to see what the imps were doing in her kitchen.

boy.imp was standing on the kitchen stool, washing the dirty dish and empty yogurt cup! The only thing he was missing was--the sink.

Yes, b.imp was soaked. Water up to his shoulders. Water running off of the countertop. Water pooling across the floor.

He COULD NOT have been any happier at that moment. Dishes at 'midnight' just tickled his fancy!

So after putting him back in bed, listening to him wail, we brought him downstairs where he decided that the pile of neatly folded laundry needed his 'special' touch!

It was then wife.imp decided that b.imp needed to go back to bed! Stay up late crying? No problem! Flood her kitchen late at night? No Problem! Mess with her folded laundry? WE WILL HAVE ISSUES!!

I however kept my eyes down and thought '...if I don't make eye contact...'

dropping off of the face of the earth

Well, since we crashed and burned last week, I started this week out on the road. Driving. Driving North. Driving East. Driving South. Driving West.

I did so much driving I was tempted buy a riding mower just so I could burn it. (why a riding mower? I have no idea, except that one has to drive it!)

I have listened to almost all the books on tape from the local library, except danielle steele. That could happen soon!

In Other news:
boy.imp was on the potty tonight, talking with wife.imp and just started crying. BIG.TEARS. wife.imp yelled for me and pointed at b.imp.

w.imp: I don't know what happened! We were just fine! He was sitting here talking and then he started crying!
me: 'b.imp', are you fake crying again?
b.imp: (looks at the floor then looks up laughing!!)

It is official folks! We have two burgeoning actors in the family!

Back to the NORMAL weekend ROUTINE here at the Playground

Friday:
I went jogging (outside not on my treadmill).

Saturday:
Following the sage advice posted in every restaurant restroom from the East Coast to the Left Coast after I visited the Comfort Room, I started to wash my hands.

(However there is nothing shocking here folks. I have been following this routine since I was younger than my own imps. No, it was right around this time that I truly found myself facing the differences between how men and women think.)

I found that we were out of liquid soap. I would have utilized the bar soap in the shower but wife.imp was in the midst of preparing to use said facilities and I did not want to 'get in her way'. So I assessed the situation and determined that exiting the would be preferable to holding up her morning ablutions. Instead, I decided to venture into the kitchen to wash my hands. (see a problem fix a problem)

wife.imp: where are you going? the soap dispenser is full.
me: it is? i thought it was empty
wife.imp: it was but I filled it up earlier this morning...you weren't going to wash your hands because it was empty, were you?
me: uhmm
wife.imp: didn't you think to fill it up? (she then pats me on the shoulder and ushers me out of the room -after I had finished washing- as if to say 'you poor deluded fool! on what street corner would you be living if we were not married -- she saw a problem and married him. She is still in the process of fixing said problem...)

Saturday Afternoon:
I tried to walk up stairs and found out how difficult that little exercise is when you have no stability in your thighs.
Approx. 5 minutes later I found out how much more difficult that maneuver is going down.

I learned to hate my house as every activity (except sitting on the sofa watching football) meant going either up or down the stairs!

wife.imp reiterated how much she 'dislikes' the current length of my burnished, copper locks!

Sunday:
I and the imps spent the afternoon at my parent's house because wife.imp attended the bridal shower of my sister. Much fun was had. Men do not bother asking...your wives might actually tell you (when women play games with their undergarments and you are not involved...do you really need the details?)

My mom and wife.imp came home and discussed (while standing next to me) how great my sister's hair looked. the color of her dress and how mom is sewing on beads, something about other women's clothing...blah blah blah mom: ...so would anybody care for a cup of coffee?
me: (jumping to my feet and almost overturning my chair) I do! Anything to escape the cloud of estrogen that is currently draining the testosterone from my body...
mom: (grumbles something I did not quite catch)
wife.imp: (laughs) reiterates how much she 'dislikes' the current length of my burnished, copper locks!

Sunday night: On the way home, I pop in a cd from one of my books on tape. within minutes girl.imp falls asleep, wife.imp falls asleep. boy.imp sings songs to himself.

a few minutes later:
boy.imp: mommy? ... mommy?? ... MOMMY? MOMMY?
me: mommy is asleep right now.
boy.imp: mommy? are you asleep? mommy? MOMMY?
me: Yes! mommy is asleep?
boy.imp: 'g.imp'? 'g.imp'? daddy, is g.imp asleep?
me: yes, g.imp is asleep.
boy.imp: daddy? can I go to sleep now?

Microsoft, I apologize

Today I find myself in the unusual opinion of having to change my opinion. I would like to categorically extend my apologies to Microsoft for the 'deranged' rant I posted earlier this week. In my anger I hastily posted a rant that demeaned the craftsmanship and professionalism of the good workers at Microsoft.

I would like to state that this apology is in no way based on the fact that the very next day after I posted said rant that my computer crashed. Utterly. Completely. Without Hope.

(...be very careful folks! Microsoft is out there and it IS watching!!)