Tuesday, December 11, 2007

christmas thoughts

We went to wife.imp's office Christmas extravaganza last Sunday and included in all the festivities was a 'Face Painting' booth. Knowing it is Christmas and all the helpers/painters had christmassy things painted on their faces and Santa sat not 100 feet away talking to other imps, Boy.Imp had to have the 'Black Spiderman' mask.
Thank you. We do try.
Girl.Imp has a life-like baby doll (a link to a similar baby doll is below) that was lying facedown on the floor. Wife.Imp was creeped out by the baby doll's position because, 'I know it is not real, but it could smother itself to death lying facedown like that on the floor!'
We have been invaded by a mouse (or a gang of mice) and it is currently living (dying?) in my downstairs closet.
We know it is there because it toured our family room one night (eluding capture) and ran under the stairs into our closet. I have blocked up the entrance and placed LARGE gluetraps with poison in said closet.
I have to admit to being a tad worried because the poison is being consumed and the glue traps are aparantly being used for a cardio workout. In fact, when the mouse/mice are not excercising in the glue, they are eating the plastic container.
I know, I know, poisoning the mice is not eco-friendly, Dennis. I have to admit that no, it is not. Neither am I Al Gore.
I have nothing against nature and with preserving it (outside of my house). Once nature moves in (apparantly with the idea of said move being rent free) I tend to get a little antsy. No, I can get dirty with the best of people, after all I did spend several years camping practically every weekend with the Boy Scouts.
I do have to admit that while the Boy Scouts taught me many valuable lessons there were some things that I learned that were not usable- I should mention that Al Gore was not known nationally and that my biggest influences were standing shoulder to shoulder with me doing things like:
* Melting plastic milk containers over an open flame (global warming was not a serious issue at this time) to see the pretty colors (ok and poisonous colors)
* Dropping tents on rival scout troops and then using the tent poles to beat whatever moved into submission
* Camping with the public and hitting (in retrospect being bloody obvious about this) on both sisters of the family that agreed to share their dinner with you
Although I have to admit that my social skills were honed by learning what not to say:
*(I might not have done so at the time but I would like to offer my apologies to the lady ranger who was present during this exchange)--I was with a group of scouts in Philmont, NM where we were engaged in a ribald conversation about breakdance moves that should not be tried when I piped in with (and I must add that knowing the boundaries of what is acceptable and what should not be uttered was highlighted here): "...Yeah, and nobody should try doing the Worm downhill with a hardon..."
Thing is, if I had uttered that sentence 10 minutes before or after that moment, nothing but laughter would have ensued.
This leads me to the comment that my mom made once, before I left scouting: "I am sure you have noticed that none of the parents around town have let their kids join the scouts for a couple of years haven't you?"
Actually no. I had not noticed. I was having too good a time to realize how out of control we actually were. But the bar had been set pretty high, we were accostomed to playing kinda rough (we once played tackle football - Australian 'rules' style- with a troop from the Cleveland area whose members were 2-3 years older, 20-40 pounds heavier and 3-4 inches taller and I hit (re: tackled) everyone of them so often (they did not acutally have to be carrying the ball--just being near it worked for me) that they eventually asked if we could call it a draw. I was about 5'8" and a solid 135lbs at the time. I was also addicted to pain. I would get into fights just to get that rush and being smallish and fast I just loved football.)
However, as rough as we played, we also took immense pride in being the best troop there as far as skills went. In head-to-head competitions, we rarely if ever came in lower than 2nd and usually ended up 1st. So I was literally surprised when mom informed me that parents were not allowing their kids to join.
So where was I? Oh! The mouse/mice. I believe the point I wanted to make was that as long as nature stays outside of my house, I am content to not mess with it. But when it moves in, I will do what is necessary to beat it into submission and evict it...That is, unless it eats the posion and glue traps and then keeps coming back for more.
Then I will just lock the doors and avoid going near that part of the house again.


MdG said...

Have you seen those D-Con ones that (I guess) snap closed when the mouse goes in? I saw that commercial tonight and thought of you.

PS. I love me some Aussie Rules.

Hannah said...

I was going to chastise you about using glue traps AND poison (so inhumane, Dennis! The wee mice!) but then I got the image of you doing the Worm downhill with a hardon stuck in my head and, well, I lost my train of thought.

dennis said...

MdG: I did too, but now that I am older and far more out of shape than I'd like, I have an appreciation of helmets and other padding that just was not there when I was younger.

Hannah: ummm, Thank You! (however it would have been much kinder to...well, thank you!)

wayabetty said...

THAT is one of the reasons why I can't have my sons do the boy scout thing, not to mention the scout leaders are pedophiles too.

I found this post on killing mice the "eco-friendly" way, I thought you might want to try it. Happy reading!


dennis said...

betty: not all scout leaders are pedophiles!! Mine weren't. I won't say there weren't other issues, but pedophilia was not one of them! :)

Diana said...

your mickey mouse is a crackhead, lol!