Drying off after a shower

Just last week boy.imp was suffering from sinus/ear infections.  How did I diagnose this?  First he was shivering in a warm shower (and the doctor told me that earlier in the day).  Second he was shivering whilst I was toweling him off after the shower.

Figuring that he would stay cold, I did the only thing a caring dad would do for his freezing offspring.  I whipped out the hair dryer and sooner than he could sneeze he was toasty warm.  And I saved one towel from adding to the dirty clothes pile... 

Snow, Ice, Snow, Vomit, Snow...

With the latest winter storm (we 'suffered' through 4+" of snow and about 1/4" ice) the schools finally closed, allowing dad.imp (me) to sleep in.  One would have thought everybody would be able to sleep in.

However, girl.imp found out almost all the Justice League videos can be accessed by computer and she gets up extra early to get a solid 2 hours in before anybody else is awake.

Boy.imp caught the boomarang sinus infection and is suffering that again, as well as vomiting multiple times during the night.  We probably would have missed this except for 2 things:

1) He was sleeping with his grandmother and she woke up the second time he threw up.

2) She woke up the 2nd time because his movements while cleaning up the mess (he confessed to having cleaned up from his earlier bout of vomiting) woke her up.

Upon learning my boy was sick, but willing to clean up after himself, I grunted my acknowledgement of the news and went back to sleep.  After all, I really was not needed was I?

Winter Storm, Flu and ...

Well, we are now watching the last of our 20+ inches of snow that fell on us during the last storm melt away...So here are some pics:

Imps in the Snow - hey, did you see the car?

and this was before the snow plow...

Of course, girl.imp was getting over her flu/strep and the rest of us had the flu...What really happened was the storm occurred at the perfect time for us!!

Sick Days at the Playground

The only thing that moves slower than girl.imp taking medicine (she has strep throat) is watching boy.imp move from point 'A' to point 'B' while anywhere outside of the Playground premises.

It truly took the poor dear (girl.imp) almost 15 minutes to chew and swallow 2 tablets before lunch today.

After that episode and what with dragging them both (girl.imp because she was sick and tired and boy.imp because he is...well, he is boy.imp and has his own internal clock. One that I now recognize that I ran on when I was younger. Yes, Mutherrrrr, your curse has hit home. Thank you!!) through the grocery store, I asked wife.imp to bring some bourbon home after work.

I think she thinks I was kidding.

I think I was kidding..?

At least it was warm and I got outside for some excercise!!

Today

I think I have strep throat...I am trying to determine which will be least inconvenient, an urgent care facility or the primary care physician's office...

So we saw the LOTR films over the weekend and girl.imp has reduced Tolkein's characters to being Harry Potter impersonator wannabes:

Gandalf = Dumbledore
Gimli the Dwarf = a miniature Hagrid
Legolas the Elf = well he is just plain 'CUTE!'
Aragorn = a younger Sirius Black
Gollum = '...that naked man'
All the other blond-haired elves?? - Well, girl.imp had trouble believing that they were 'good guys' because they looked a lot like the Malfoys.

"...Today Was My Most Awfulest Day In School Ever...!!!!"

This is the cry I got after getting the imps home after school.

By the way, last week girl.imp had strep, today boy.imp was diagnosed with MAJOR sinus infections and my eyes have been itching and my throat is sore...

I say this because both imps are cranky and not 10 minutes after getting home I hear boy.imp wailing.

It seems g.imp lost her temper and 'squeezed' b.imp's back. So daddy leaps into action and wheedles the info then 'equally' punishes everyone in the room.

More wailing, gnashing of teeth, rending of clothing then IT happens.

What is IT?

Gym Class!

It was the bane of my youth. Really dennis? But..

Well, for 3 months of the year it was the bane of my youth. Our gym teach was also the wrestling coach. I love sports! I do not love wrestling. Never have. Never will.

For three months of the year, in gym, we wrestled. I just stopped dressing. No doctor's note. No parents note. No gym clothes. Upon being threatened with failing gym, I went home and informed my mom that I might fail and explained. She allowed me to have my way, 'as long as I truly understood the ramifications of my actions.'

Back to g.imp. She.Hates.Gym. She.Hates.Rrunning.Sweating.Sports-In-General. Today was even worse because the 'better' students were pushing her in line and running her down (but not loud enough for the teacher to hear).

After this confession (and the fact that the gym teacher witnessed nothing), I comforted her.

me: hey, as long as you are trying then you tell them that you are doing your best and to leave you alone. if they don't like it, tell them they are the ones who should leave the line.
g.imp: but they might tell 'blind-as-a-bat-and-deaf-as-a-knob' teacher! and then she'll call you!!
me: Great! I want her to call me! If you tried to do your best and your classmates harrassed you and then your teacher wants to call me?? I'll go to school that day (or if I am too far away the next day)!!

And I'll bring wife.imp's Dalek with me! I'll go through the halls to confront this teacher while the Dalek screams, 'Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!'

Yes, I grew up in redneck kuntry. And be damned if I'll not use every tool to hand ifn' I hafta go to bat for my young'uns!!

mess with imps and you'll get 100% of me in your face!


(curiously, as I type this I told b.imp to clean up the mess of crayons on my floor, instead of picking up his crayons (and boy.imp is freakishly neat) he is opting to strip all the paper off of each one then he throws everything away)

As Heard at the Playground This Weekend

Saturday:
(I was visiting with my parents, hooking their house up for wireless internet)

girl.imp: mommy! Mommy, boy.imp pooped and needs his diaper changed!
wife.imp: (insert text here --b.imp's diaper was off by the time wife.imp arrived on the scene. In her words, the diaper was empty and the pile that lay on the bathroom carpet looked like ear of corn that had been burnt on the grill)

Sunday:
b.imp: I want medicine (g.imp has strep and was taking her meds)
me: You're not sick. You don't need medicine.
b.imp: I want medicine too!
me: You're not getting medicine. In order for you to get this, your throat would have to really hurt.
g.imp: yeah, but your throat will only hurt for the first two days. After that it won't hurt anymore but you will have a cough and runny nose.
b.imp: I want strep phroat!! (running out of the room and wailing--VERY.LOUD)


New This Week:
Wife.Imp's Video Pic: "White and Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

So I was in the Shower and

I was totally enjoying the solitude and hot rinse when I heard boy.imp calling.

However I ignored his first few attempts. What could be so important that he needed to drag me out of the shower.

b.imp: Dad? Dad? Can I throw up?
me: (well if you have to ask, how bad can it be?) Sure! Go ahead!

I found out that he was serious and I spent most of this a.m. cleaning while dressed only in my skivvies and a t-shirt. I am very glad that my neighbors (mostly) work during the day!

I was going to write about the wife.imp, sex and other things but

boy.imp is home 'sick' today. How do we know he is sick?

Because when he wakes up before us, b.imp is the most annoying creature on the face of the earth.

'Daddy! Daddy, get up! Wake up! Daddy! I want breakfast! I'm hungry! Daddy!...'
(picture said dialogue while b.imp pries at my eyelids, pokes my face, pulls at my hair/lips)

Today he rolled into our bedroom and curled up between me and wife.imp giving us some lambing-lambing (hugs). He also felt like an oven on wheels. HOT! (and not in the good way referred to by Paris Hilton. Not that Paris Hilton's pronunciations are all that good. Don't you just want to soak yourself in a tub of antisceptic after seeing her image on the television?)

So how do we know b.imp is feeling better?

The t.v. commercial was of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The SUV was sitting on a flat, straight stretch of desert highway revving it motor...again and again and again.

b.imp: can I have one? can I have one?
me: wha? Oh...not right now. Wait until your older.
b.imp: but I'm older now! I'm a big boy! (however by the tone of his voice one can tell he is slightly impatient and what he was really saying was, 'geez, a@@ho#&%! Just by me the damn truck already!!'!)

Ailing Imps, Bloody Murder in the Shower, Imps Butt Heads, Mama Loves Snoopy Doo

Ok, now that you know the topics and their order:

1) Boy.Imp woke this a.m. and informed me "I don't feel like my usual self."
--Ok. Boy.Imp usually tears through the house until we rope his hands and feet together and plop him in the car, only cutting him loose upon arrival at the Imp-Sitter's house.

So we take his temp. Very close to normal. Into the car....

P.M. temperature is a different story. I admit that I made a mistake and gave him his medicine too early. He is now feeling fine and making up for lost time!!

2) Girl.Imp goes into the shower and within moments is screaming bloody murder. Ok, she is only screaming about her bloody toe. Apparently she dropped a bottle of shampoo on her toe and split it open.

However thanks to quick application of a cleansing solution she forgot about the pain from the blow to her toe and started to blow on her toe to relieve it of the sting of the cleanser.

however:

3) Things got better until boy.imp wanted to see what the fuss was about and crouched down to get a closer look at girl.imp's toe. But, boys being boys, no more blood was gushing out of said wound and he got bored and stood up. However at this exact moment, girl.imp was bending over to point out what will soon be referred to as her 'Shower Scar'.

4) The premier broadcast of the brand-new Charlie Brown was on and wife.imp was in the midst of expressing her surprise:
w.imp: This is brand new. You missed it but earlier Scooby Doo was on a surfboard and ramping off of one of those half-pipes...