Call me 'olde fashioned'

...but we did not do the HP Nativity scene. I just could not picture placing a baby Harry in his crib with a menacing Lord Voldemorte hovering over him about to cast the Killing Curse under the Christmas tree next to baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph...

So what did happen on Christmas? Let's just say that Santa nearly missed our house because the imps were up until well after midnight..!!!

What did Santa eventually bring the imps?

boy.imp got a brand new Bicycle!!
girl.imp (who hates the idea of 2-wheeled transportation) got a brand new Trikke!! (So did Dennis)

However the best Christmas in Ohio was not celebrated by the Imps. No it was reported in the Columbus Dispatch and desribed how Gunnery Sgt. Shawn Delgado of the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marines of Lima Company spent over $4,000 of his own money (re: Credit Card purchases) to ensure that children who otherwise would have been berift of any Christmas cheer would have happy memories...

Despite what we've read about abuses in the military in recent years, I can only hope that quality men and women (like Gunnery Sgt. Shawn Delgado) continue to volunteer for military service.

I also hope that I might learn to keep track of my keys. Yes gentle readers, last night, while parked in my parents' driveway (with a house full of relatives) I locked my keys in my car, with the engine running. What happened to the spare set? They were locked in the back of the car.

Here is the conversation that made all this possible:
me: hey (wife.imp), do you still have the extra set of car keys?
wife.imp: ummm, yes.

Perrrrrfect! With the spare keys safely in wife.imp's pockets, I proceeded to load the car with all the imp's gifts, our stuff and the leftovers we were taking home from the Christmas feast (there was a snafu on the food bit tho'). I then started the car and locked the doors (knowing the spare key was safely in wife.imp's hands and not wanting to tempt the stray deer or migratory birds that might be wandering near the parents' driveway) and went happily inside to monitor the imps as they prepared to go home.

At the appointed time (that moment where the chaos drops and the imps are most mallable to the idea of leaving) I asked wife.imp for the spare keys.

wife.imp: they're in the black bag
me: They're where?
w.imp: in the black bag by the piano.
me: umm, it's not by the piano...
w.imp: yes it is. It's right over there by the piano.
me: no it's not. It's in the back of the car
w.imp: no, it's not
me: yes it is
w.imp: why is in the car? I told you the car did not need to be warmed up...
me: you told me you had the keys...
w.imp: I did, in the black bag.
me: you did not say anything about a black bag when I asked you if you had the keys.
w.imp: that was a general question...
me: no, I was quite specific, "Do you have the keys?" Specific. (leaning over and checking the front of her pants) Hey, what's this?"
w.imp: I don't keep keys in my pockets. It's uncomfortable."
My.Sister: Yes, they are uncomfortable. They're always poking your legs."
me: (ignoring my helpful sister) You did not mention the black bag...

anyway, despite all my wriggling and attempting to lesson the blame (or at least spread it far and wide, the fact remains that I did leave my keys in the ignition with the car running with the doors locked in a rural community where the likelihood of theft remains at a remarkably small percentage...

Happy Holidays!

Noteworthy News Items as found in the Local Auto Fixit

The snow is gone.
The strep is gone.
The rain is gone.

It would not be beyond the pale to believe that work should be back on schedule. The plan was to get up earlyish and hit the road...aaaaaand the car decides to idle rough. The engine still felt strong and I was able to take girl.imp to school, however the idiot light in the dash flared to life on the way home.

Something was wrong with the emission system. So I rolled into an 'auto fixit' joint (not that we have much choice in this area. There is SOMEWHAT PRICY, PRICY and GIVE-US-A-KIDNEY-AND-YOUR-FIRSTBORN-PRICY. I selected Somewhat Pricy.)

So I pointed out the specific warning light per the owners manual (thereby saving myself 1/2 hour of labor) and upsetting the staff. They apparently need the extra time and relayed this information along with their displeasure by making me sit for 1 1/2 hours to ge the car in to be checked (It took another 11/2 hours to fix, so I saved no time at all).

However I learned that this particular establishment is being asked by a customer to pay for $800 in damages because her car burnt to a crisp after they 'fixed' it. To be honest the customer was supposedly warned the work needed done. But I wasn't there then...

So while the staff bitched about the situation, cast asperations on the customer in general and feared the future (if only in the blackest most hidden part of their hearts), I sat and read Star magazine.

For those of you living in caves near mine. Here is 'news' we are missing:

• Angelina has lost a ton of weight recently
• Nicole Ritchey has her last name tattooed on the back of her neck. (Here's hoping her 'dates' can find it they forget her name before morning!)
• Jennifer Anniston has had a nose job
• Celeb watchers are reaally snarky about celeb clothes
• I still want to bathe in antisceptic when I see photos of Paris or Brittany
• Who is Kevin Federline and why is he newsworthy?
• Matt Damon wears lifts??
• There will be another Bourne movie! (yea me!)
• Did I really need to see Harry Potter's 'Full Monty'???

Here's a Question for all you Gearheads

Yes, Diana I am speaking to you (or through you to your hubs).

But before we get to the motorhead question of the year, I thought I would bring up a difference between the imps' generation and my generation.

In playacting with fake guns, the imps will often supply the following sound effects:

B'yoom! b'yoom! b'yoomb'yoomb'yoomb'yoom! (accent on the 'b' and up an octave on the 'yoom')

Say it fast enough and it sounds like laser guns firing.

When I was growing up and playing with fake guns, our sound effects went much like:

Bang! Pow! bangbangbang! powpowpow!

My imps' sound effects are sooo much cooler!


Ok, back the $800.00 question:

My 2001 Ford Escape (yes 4x4) was roaring up a hill near the Playground and just simply stopped its forward momentum. Sitting on the side of the road it idled between 200-500 rpms (for those of you who do not bleed grease when cut, this means the car was trying its best to stop running).

I can tell you what was not wrong (our mechanic spent 4 days playing with the motor and was about two more bruised knuckles from giving up and then stumbled upon the solution).

Not the cause of the malfuntion:
1- Bad Gas
2- Faulty Fuel Pump
3- Blocked Fuel Line

So (motorheads, diana or diana's hubs) what was the problem?

(no, I was not charged $800 for repairs. After all, I did not have to go to a dealer for any work! The final bill was much, much, much lower!!)