We got home late from work and decided to eat out

Because I was not getting in until after 7:30pm and wife.imp would not be there until 7. So we went to the local 'down on the farm' eatery.

I arrived 30 minutes or so after wife.imp and the fam were seated and orders were taken (I issued my choice of fare over the phone). Thirty minutes later wife.imp flagged down the wai--server and inquired on the status of our meals, offering to go cook them herself is such help was needed.

It apparantly was. We later learned the cook was taking multiple breaks (however this news seemed to surprise the manageress). Speaking of the manageress, she soon stopped by and was grilled about her work history by girl.imp. I mean she really went after the woman, asking where her last two positions were and why she moved to different locations, etc..etc...

Ivanka Trump move over, girl.imp is ready to storm the Trump castle!!

Wife.imp reiterated her desire to help the kitchen staff, as, after our first complaint, only two of the 5 entrees appeared. The last to be served was boy.imp and he ordered scrambled eggs with bacon!

I more or less decided I was tired. I drove almost 320 miles today. My dialogue was rapidly filling with 4-letter words and I was silently casting asperations on the manager's family (past, present and future) and on the ability of the staff in general. Needless to say, I thought it best not to add vocalization to my wandering thoughts.

In days gone by, I would have followed the tried and true method of allowing the imps to play haphazardly with the glass tablesettings. I figure either the staff will bring food out to the imps to keep their hands/mouths occupied or they will take their time and hope the glass shrapnel flying through the air does not find the other diners...

However, I do not think this establishment with the 'country red' coat of paint will soon see our shadows darken its doors!

On a positive note the Reds spanked the Cardinals and Junior hammered #1 of the year to deep right field!

Good days!!

So This Week Is Almost Over and 'Normalcy' Shall Return

Playground Events:
For the 4th straight day - Up Early!!

(However I did cheat and send boy.imp to the sitter's in his PJs. But she likes kids. She likes my kids. She likes to pamper and spoil my kids. She did not mind at all that he came in his PJs. I did include a change of clothes for him tho. IN FACT, this worked out so well, I have him dressed in his sweat pants for tomorrow morning!)

For Boy.Imp's birthday, I broke my 'TIP REDUCTION' calculator:

Yes, even though service was 'slower than molasses', I relented on my tip reduction principles.


I believe it was because the server actually was somewhat pro-active in her approach. Perhaps she was the only one...She called the manager over and explained the dilemma: 'the imps had been sittingfor over 45 minutes, hungry and mostly well-behaved with no sign of his corndogs or her grilled cheese (I had a fajita).'

So what does the cheapass manager offer? He was going to keep charging full price and comp our desserts! Hell, I had all but written dessert off! I still had homework to review, baths etc... waiting for us at home!

I did manage to remain polite. I was afraid to speak, but I did keep my hands on the table at all times. The food eventually appeared and the imps ate. We then took our free desserts to go. However I did leave a nice tip for the server. (Yes dear, I was thinking of you here as I know that this was a special evening and we should spread the love...).

So we get home and NEITHER imp wants to finish the dessert!!! (Honey, it is all yours when you get home!)

More Head! More Head! More Head!

Sunday:
Since we have already determined that my life is not the ultimate porn movie this dialogue did not surprise me as many of girl.imp's past statements have. In fact, girl.imp was 'in character' and attacking me with her life-sized Pluto doll.

Is it the season or are the imps actually this spoiled. Both will now sulk, cry, fake cry and wail at the drop of a hat (and they are usually the ones dropping said hat)!

Saturday:
We went to Tumbleweed for girl.imp's pre-birthday night out at a restaurant (she wants to go to Bob Evans for the real deal) and actually had a good time. Except that the waitress assumed that she need not arrive tableside until 10 minutes after we were seated and then return 10 minutes later with drinks (at which time she spilled two lemonades on boy.imp) then returned 10 minutes later to take our dinner orders...

approx. 40 minutes later our food arrived...

To put this in terms of the vaunted American Couch Potato, we were seated at about 3 minutes into the 2nd 1/2 of a football game and were served with about 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter (In baseball terms 4 innings would have come and gone).

I asked wife.imp to include the tip as I felt certain standards were not met and the Automatic Tip Subtraction Calculator in my head was flashing (in bright red numbers) $0.01.
Wife.Imp felt that was too low for girl.imp's birthday dinner tip and tried to argue me to a higher total.

In the end I told her to '...do what makes you feel better or do the right thing...' concerning the final tip amount.

w.imp did not tell me what the total was but I suspect she left a final total that was somewhat higher than my proposed sum.

Remember the Phrase 'A Penny for Your Thoughts'?

Let's face it, people are waaaaay too soft on waiters/waitresses (you might call them servers but I am going old school here). As a former food establishment monkey, I have less pity than most on those who underacheive with my food orders.

I actually sit down with an imaginary stack of bills in my head and start subtracting from the moment the WAITer first approaches. My rules are inviolate. I rarely make exceptions. Yes these poor slobs barely make $2/hour. But a good server at Ponderosa can pull down $75-150/night without breaking a sweat. Besides, I am supposed to act grateful and part with my hard-earned money when service is bad?

I.THINK.NOT!!


SO:

the wife.imp took the imps out to dinner to Max and Erma's arriving shortly after 7 p.m. and are seated next to a birthday party with tons'o'kids. Granted the party probably had one or two full-time servers but if memory serves usually more than two WAIT staff are employed at one time.

So wife.imp's slo' fuse starts when no-one approaches/introduces themselves as their 'server' for the night and the hostess takes the drink order (lemonade for the kids and a coke for the wife.imp). Ten fifteen minutes later a WAITer (yes the break was finally over!) arrived with a soda.

WAITer moron: I'm sorry. I'll be right back with the lemonades. Here's your soda. We don't have coke, will a diet pepsi be ok?
wife.imp: NO! I'll have an iced tea without lemon.
moron: You don't want the soda?
wife.imp: NO! I'll have an iced tea without lemon.

A few minutes later the imps' corn dogs arrived. According to wife.imp the dogs were not only heavily breaded, but they were extra salty as well. The boy.imp was getting somewhat boisterous as no drinks had yet arrived.

The wife.imp was on the verge of absconding with the lemonade from the drinks area when she heard the following:

moron1: where's the lemonade
moronclone: we're out.
moronclone: don't look at me, I made it last time
moronclone: It's not my turn

wife.imp: Hey forget the lemonade! Can I just get waters!

After another few minutes of no attention, the wife.imp dragged a poor WAITer over who unfortunately made eye contact.
"can I just get my check since my food has not arrived?"

Of course whom should appear? A food ladened WAITer !

The wife.imp got no discounts and actually left a 10% tip. Although she left a "scathing" note: "too bad. I typically leave at least 20%"

Back in my day the common response to such louse service was a max of ONE CENT. Thinking on this story as I sit here typing, I honestly do know know where to direct my frustration. The restaurant for such appalling service or the w.imp for actually leaving any $$.

Perhaps I can find someone to give me a Penny for my thoughts...?

Uno Chicago Grill, Pizzaria Uno's, East of Chicago, TGI Fridays, Don Parmesan's

Are all restaurants where we shall never suffer through another meal.

Restaurant Hama has now made my list.

First of all, thank you for feeding my imps. If nothing else, we had a nice quiet conversation while the imps ate.

That being said, how is it possible that preparing RAW FISH takes any time at all. How hard is it to take a ball of rice, flatten it on a metal tray, spread the green goop on and slap on a slice of raw fish? Repeat as necessary...

Soup should take longer to ladle into bowl! Putting pre-made salad dressing on a pre-made salad should take longer! Taking chopsticks out of the wrapper and setting the proper grip should take longer!

So how is it possible the wife imp and the imps all got deep fried chicken, salads, soups and my brother and I only got kimchi, oh, and water.

45 minutes and not one whiff of uncooked underwater delicacies!

This is a restaurant the wife.imp and I have been bragging on for over two years. We never fail to take guests to this 'best' of all sushi places in our town.

My night now sucks.