Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Ok, there are some things one should not post

Especially when they have very young imps who both know how to read and know how to find your blog...

So while I was at work today, girl.imp read my last post and began asking wife.imp what I meant. Turns out wife.imp was not in to filling in the blanks I left and let girl.imp call me at work (re: while I was driving around the State) and demand the answers from me.
Lucky for me, I was busy at the time of her call and have not had to address this issue yet.
Meanwhile girl.imp came downstairs after 10p.m. with one of her 'short' question session.

g.imp: dad, I have a question--No, no. Don't worry. This is short. I promise...So why did you post that I said, 'I swear that I am up to no good' and that I said, 'Mischief managed'?
me: (uh oh) I'm sorry. I'll stop doing it.
(because this blog won't just suck if I cannot post what you and your brother say/do on a daily basis. Yep, the whole purpose of doing this will just dry up and blow away if you take you and your brother out of the equation...)
g.imp: Oh no! Keep on doing it! Keep on doing it!

what a smartass!! LOL

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Wife.Imp has not been feeling well

and has been curled up with her fever and chills and generally not feeling better. Water tastes bad, soup was eaten but was it really tasted?

Even the Tylenol did not help her headache. In fact it steamrolled right over her medicine. So I felt it was time to start a conversation:

me: I just want to be perfectly clear on this point. Just to be certain...
wife.imp: mmm
me: There's--there's not going to be any sex tonight is there?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Boy.Imp cried when I left the restaurant with Girl.Imp

We were only going home and wife.imp was taking boy.imp as soon as she paid for dinner (yep. that is the kind of woman she is. I do so enjoy being the trophy husband)

So we are in the parking lot and boy.imp calls on the cell phone bawling and crying that he wanted to go home with me (because I am the Walrus 'Fun Parent'). I left him with his mother (they were only 1-2 minutes behind us at most) and went home with girl.imp (it is a school night and it was her turn to shower first).

In the car girl.imp busted my balls chastised me for not letting her talk to boy.imp on the phone.

me: I did not give you the phone because boy.imp did not need you laughing at him.
g.imp: I would not have laughed at him.
me: yes you would!
g.imp: huhuh! I swear!
me: don't give me that...
g.imp: I would not have laughed. I solemnly swear.
me: what?
g.imp: I solemnly swear...
me: hmm
g.imp (in a whisper): ...that I am up to no good.
me: Say what::
g.imp (laughing): Mischief managed!

Since the flooding has been resolved, laundry is being rushed through and we lost track of the clean vs. dirty piles (ok, one or two items of clothes were were unsure about as they could have been in either pile).

wife.imp: Are you sure that they are clean
(she is pointing at boy.imp's underwear and one of girl.imp's socks)
me: well, I know that the sock is clean
wife.imp: (looked at me for several seconds and then picked up the underwear and sniffed)

Yes, they too were clean!

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Two Showers and a Wash

Two showers and a load of laundry last Sunday proved that our flooding inside the house issues are very much still with us.

and this after I had Roto Rooter out last month to snake the main line.

By the way, I realize that our house was built in 1968. I realize that I did not have any input into its design. But who the hell puts the water stack in the middle of the family room (I cannot say basement as ours is a split-level house) and then frames around it with wood?

I'm no engineer but I would think that waste water from the upper level of the house might not be the best thing to route through the middle of the room where the family spends most of its time!


Ok. So RR snaked the main line and all was fine and dandy until last Sunday. I recalled the tech and scheduled an appt. for this a.m. (meaning btwn the hours of 8a.m. and 12p.m.). The tech arrived around noon and re-snaked the line with all of his cutting blades.

Nothing. No mess, no fuss, no cleaned line.

He calls his supervisor who brings the Camera-on-a-Snake to run through my line to verify what the hell is happening. Turns out that the blockage is within 20 feet of the main sewer line and just a foot or two beyond the reach of the tech's standard cable.

As I type this, the tech is on his way to get a cable extension (I think. He has been gone for almost an hour) so that the blockage can be cleaned. And the cost in time and special equipment?

Pretty darn reasonable. I get to keep both my imps and perhaps my right arm to boot!!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Girl.Imp Speaks (daddy quietly freaks)

g.imp: mommy, I have a question.
(it is around 10p.m. and bedtime for the imps. G.imp has meandered downstairs and pulls up a chair infront of wife.imp and myself)
w.imp: yes... (g.imp has been using this time of night to bombard us with Harry Potter questions and wife.imp was about to roust her back upstairs)
g.imp: Am I developing my milk-feeders yet? (waving a hand infront of her chest

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

It was sooo peaceful...

There we were sitting on the sofa. Wife.imp was lying down and resting, boy.imp was sitting on my shoulders resting his chin on my head and moving around (so I thought) trying to find a more comfortable position. Then he burped from his southernmost orifice...

Monday, January 14, 2008

Weekend with the Imps

Wife.Imp and the imps and I went out for Sushi last Friday and after dinner we split up so that I could purchase a family planner calendar and wife.imp could take girl.imp shopping for a gift for our neighbor's daughter's birthday.

Being that I am over 35 and it was after 7 p.m., I needed coffee. So I took boy.imp to the coffee shop/sports bar which is located in the mall where we ate dinner.

boy.imp: can we go in and sit down?
me: nope. we're going home as soon as we get our coffee and food (he talked me into buying dessert by stopping his whining as soon as I agreed).
boy.imp: why not? I want to sit down.
me: (looking hatefully at the mother and toddler-aged daughter sitting in plain sight) weeeell, you're still too little to go in there and I am not buying you one of those drinks (re: alcohol beverages that everyone seemed to be enjoying)
boy.imp: (long pause) I could use a little cup...

Friday night after the imps' betime:
me: Hey! (girl.imp walks into the bathroom whilst I am enjoying some free time on the porceline throne)
girl.imp: Now that you have some free time, I have a question to ask you.
me: (nonononono these are the questions you need to ask your mom! I don't want to deal with boyfriends, puberty or you staring at me while I am on the toilet! Yes, we have a door that locks now. No, I have not gotten into the habit of locking it--YET)
girl.imp: So--In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, why did blah blah blahbabablah...

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

White Guy cooking Adobo

No, it is not me. Wife.Imp assured me that he did a good job with both the recipe and the language - a Tagalog & English mix called Taglish.

After watching this video, I can now cook this dish and have determined that I should be able to learn Taglish as well!

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

When OSU Gets to the Title Game NEXT Year...

Can we please play any team from a division other than from the SEC??

Yes, I am predicting the Buckeyes playing in a 3rd consecutive national title game and for those detractors out there who believe we are too slow (we're not, but we do have those odd games where sound technique gets left behind. go figure) let me just say that 4 title game appearances in 7 years trumps any background yammering of how underserving a conference/team we (the Buckeye Nation) are...and I did not see any other team willing to step up and take that spot for this year's beating!

Ok, soapbox put away until November 2008.

Monday, January 07, 2008


Girl.Imp has taken a great interest in separating the whites from the darks in recent weeks. Unfortunately, she has no interest in the laundry. Instead she likes to sit on my lap and pull down my t-shirt to separate gray chest hairs from the others and then tries to convince me to let her pluck them...

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Girl.Imp had a bad day after her 1st day of school - post holiday break

However before I get into that, it is halftime at the Orange Bowl and this bowl finally got halftime entertainment done right!!

ZZ Top played the entire time I viewed and jammed 'Sharp Dressed Man' without the network pushing for them to end the song ASAP!!!

Back to g.imp: I picked her up on the way home from work (another 200+ mile day) and I was juuuust a little tired and cranky and she meets me at the door of the babysitters to tell me that the back of her head hurt because boy.imp had jumped on her back and pulled her down so that their heads knocked together (at least two times) today.

This brings up a point to emphasize the difference between boys and girls.

I gave girl.imp a new helmet for riding her TRIKKE (I will be flogging this as the world's greatest invention all year) and she fusses with the helmet for a moment or two and declares that it will fit better with a ponytail.

I gave boy.imp a new helmet for riding his new bicycle and he fusses until the chinstrap is strapped on and immediately begins running head first into our hall walls and continues until we go outside!

Anyway, g.imp 'forgot' to complete her homework while at the sitter's so that was her task before eating dinner (she did 3 questions wrong and had to redo them--NOT HAPPY). Then She and boy.imp bumped heads again...MORE TEARS

I decide this is a good time to retire to the porceline throne in the 'Reading Room' and girl.imp is teased by wife.imp about how she hogs the blankets in bed at night leaving boy.imp to curl in a fetal position hoping to be warmed by her breath as she sleeps the night through...STILL MORE TEARS

SO I decide it is time to lighten the mood and I re-emerge from the 'Reading Room' and announce:
"One of my pooplets was shaped like an almond!"

Both imps fall over laughing and wife.imp gives me a 'WTF' look and wanders off to the kitchen. But there is no need to explain as my goal was accomplished! I gather both imps into my arms for a hug aaaaaaand they bump heads again...EVEN MORE TEARS

Sometimes a person can't win for losing!