Wet Dreams

I can remember a time when these dreams were exciting. Those pre-sex nightly flights of fancy that included the cheerleading corps., that flautist sitting in the 3rd chair from the left in the marching band, or the student teacher that liked to lean over one's shoulder as she answered questions about homework...don't even get me started on the young ladies who ran track wearing white t-shirts or shorts during practices, in the rain...

Yessiree, those flights of fancy racked up many, many frequent flyer miles.

Speaking of flights of fancy, I was dropping my dad off in Zanesville (he was meeting his brother for work) at the Bob Evans parking lot. In the lot across the way there was this elderly gentleman who stalked the lot by himself. Well, technically he was stalking the lot with his invisible friend, Lenny.

I like to call him Lenny because he looked like a Lenny to me. Yes, I realize that I stated that this person was invisible and no, I could not see Lenny. I just know that this was his name because while watching the elderly gentleman gesticulating and yelling, I thought that he was being awful hard on good 'ole Lenny. However Lenny stood up to the abuse rather well and did not seem to really mind all that much.

Another memory crossed my mind while watching Lenny's public humiliation. I remembered that one year while a member of the high school concert band I had my own group of invisible friends (re: Distractions). The thing with high school concert bands is that if one plays a 'low brass' instrument (trombone, tuba, baritone) then one's music is rife with silence. Yep, we often played music where I had a series of long notes followed by interminable stretches of NOTHING.

NOTHING. Just sitting there and holding my instrument in the ready position. So, during practices I would let my eyes wander. During one of these interludes a fly kept buzzing me and after it was gone (as I had gathered an audience) I pretended that it was still around and that eventually morphed into my staring at corners of the practice room at odd times. Eventually I was asked (by those sitting near me) what I was always staring at. As they were sitting near me and knew there was no fly, I had to make up something plausible. So, I introduced them to my invisible friends 'Ma and Pa Kettle'. The Kettles, it seems, recently moved into the band room and were setting up house and I was always catching site of them in the midst of unappropriate activities...Band practices just flew by once the Kettles moved into the neighborhood.

But I have digressed. I had originally wanted to discuss Sex...No, that is wrong. I was discussing wet dreams.

As a lad, wet dreams consisted of sex with any girl that caught my fancy. And as I fancied any girl that wore skirts (and most girls wore skirts at one time or another I had lots of dreams)...

But wet dreams now are slightly more insidious. Yes, I still do dream about bare legs and skirts (sorry dear, I am still a guy..) but mostly now these dream involve me and another activity. Yes, during these dreams I am running around looking for a place to pee.

Your eyes are not decieving you, I am trying to pee in my dreams. This in and of itself is would not trouble me, but I have discovered that I am having these dreams because I really do need to pee, but have not yet awoken. The really troubling aspect of these dreams is that I am constantly waking up on the verge of having a real good pee (and yes, sometimes when one has a real good pee, it is as good or better than sex). Then upon waking up I have to run, not walk, not dawdle, but run to the bathroom.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is that I am starting to really, really be concerned about constant repitition of these (presently dry) wet dreams.

around the playground:

I decided that our swingset was too old and rusted and it needed to go. I started taking it apart two weeks ago and last week removed everything except the main frame. This week I hope to get to this...

In the meantime, I removed the old door frame on our bathroom (as the door never latched the the frame was beehived with old 'adjustments') and repainted (sponged again) the walls and installed a new door/door frame. The frame is set absolutely straight. But the door is sticking. My BIL suggested a hammer might shift the frame. I am thinking 'yes' to the hammer but might add another nail or two to the mix.

wife.imp's car needed an a/c recharge. In the meantime the service shop also recommended about 2K in other 'maintenance'. I only hope this car is work this much. Dennis might have to dust off some very old skills and tinker with the motor...

I had me some other thoughts that I considered somewhat pithy, but they have slipped my mind.

So have a good weekend...

Reunion Dress Code

There has been a buzz in the air for the past year concerning wife.imp's high school reunion with her American-based classmates. As the reunion is iminent there has been a running dialogue about "What can 'I' wear?" amongst the prospective attendees. As this issue has been rencently put to rest, I thought I would pass on to you 'The Dress Code':

The following can be worn at the reunion:
· Any apparel which is particulary revealing such as bareshouldered sundresses, mini-skirts, etc.
· T-shirts
· Tank tops
· Blouses (no mesh or crop tops)
· Collared shirts,
· Polo shirts,
· Sport shirts w/collars
· Shirts without ties

· Sweaters
· Vests
· Sport coats
· Blazers

· Jeans or any type of denim apparel
· Overalls
· Casual dress pants (dockers, chinos, khakis)
· Slacks that are more than 3" above the ankle
· Sweat pants and/or workout apparel
· Spandex
· Shorts or city shorts
· Skorts
· Skirts that are more than 3" above the knee
· Skirts

· Clothes with slogans or large logos and/or Camouflage print

· Dress shoes
· Dress shoes or non-athletic shoes, including dress sandals
· Athletic shoes
· Sneakers
· Hiking boots
· Combat boots
· Beach or "Birkenstock" type sandals
· Flip flops (thong slippers)

But please no formal attire, such as evening gown!

Been Running

So Dennis, here you go on vacation for 2 weeks and then you leave an odd post or two and then...what?

Weeeeeeell, I found out that I can single-handedly stop my computer from being able to connect to the internet. I also found out that correcting the problem is a 5-hour process. BUT I am back online and looking forward to a marginally improved presence here and there (I might not be commenting on all your sites, but I am reading...)

So what is new?

Wife.Imp's car has a problem where the a/c only runs well while the car is moving at speed.
Diana, got any suggestions before I drop $$$ with the local swind...mechanic??


wife.imp started another job--very similar to what she was doing but with more room for advancement. I am planning my early retirement where I travel the world and scuba dive!!!

Or I'll just keep going to work and stare down those bills (bills mind you. not loans) that have dogged my ass since college!

Speaking of which, I have my 20th high school reunion this year. (clapclapclap, Yea me!) We recently received a list of names for classmates that have disappeared. After reading the list I informed wife.imp that I really did not need/want to see any of those listed. Am I just being mean?

I have also realized that the imps need to hear an apology from us...after all, it is becoming clearer and clearer that the mess around here is not of their making...

I typically delete these but my uncle sent another gem

Here are a few things to think about:

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
(Great, another Item I have to consider in my will...)

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
(Hey James, you might want to remember this question when you and Mrs. B finally have those imps. Plan NOT to let these particular words slip out between your lips!! --by the way, remember those'Ask James Anything' Fridays?--I'll make sure to stop by soon!)

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
(Anyone?)

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
(This would be interesting to try...Yes, that thought did cross my mind!)

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Joke Email

My uncle is a great one for sending 'joke' emails. However, since I grew up in (what my biology teacher termed as) hillbilly country, here is the latest:

Sex Test for Rednecks:
(circle T for true and F for false) (as if it was not obvious)

A Mestrual cycle has three wheels. T or F
Asphalt describes rectal problems. T or F
A G-String is part of a fiddle. T or F
Semen is a term used for sailors. T or F
Testicles are found on an octopus. T or F
A Pubic Hair is a wild rabbit. T or F
Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T or F
Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke. T or F
An Umbilical Cord is part of a parachute. T or F
A Condom is a large apartment complex. T or F
An Orgasm is the person who accompianies a choir T or F
A Diaphram is a geometric drawing. T or F

Something has been bothering me for some time...I have not made fun of any politicians or politics in general recently

When I was a reporter we loved to make fun of politicians, behind their backs of course. Or in front of their faces if they made us cover a banquet at which we, the working press, were not offered a plate!

If you think any press (including bad press) is good press for a politician, try stiffing the media at a banquet! (am I right or am I right, James?)

anyway, I got this in my email from a relative:

Political Science for Dummies:

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

CORPORATIONS:

AMERICAN
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cowand produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to findalternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

We Here at the Playground Must Bid You goodbye...

as we will be planning extensive travel for the next few years (as verified by what I found in my email tonight)...

CONFIDENTIAL PROPOSAL FROM MR.AB MUS THE CHIEF AUDITOR INCHARGE, AFRICAN DEVELOPMENT BANK (ADB).
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO.
WEST AFRICA.

Dear Partner,
I presumed that all is well with you and your family. Please let this do not be a surprise proposal to you because i got your contact information from the international directory in few weeks ago before i decided to contact you on this magintude and lucrative transaction for our future survival in life. Moreover, i have laid all the solemn trust in you before i decided to disclose this successful & confidential transaction to you.

I AM MR. AB MUS, THE CHIEF AUDITOR INCHARGE OF FOREIGN REMITTANCE UNIT of our bank and i have had the intent to contact you over this financial transaction worth the sum of NINTEEN MILLION, THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($19,300,000.00 ) for our success.This is an abandoned sum that belongs to one of our bank foreign customers who died along with his entire family through plane crash disaster since few years ago. Meanwhile i was very fortune to came across the deceased file when i was arranging the old and abandoned customers files in other to sign and submit to the entire bank management for an official re-documentation and audit of the year against 2007.

Be informed clearly that it was stated in our banking rules and regulations which was signed lawfully that if such fund remains unclaimed till the period of 5 years started from the date when the beneficiary died, the money will be transferred into the treasury as an unclaimed fund. As an honour and advantage bestowed to our foreign customers base on the rules guideing our bank, it was stated obviously that if you are not a Burkina Faso citizen, you have the absolute authority to claim the fund hence you are a foreigner despite your differences from the country of origin of the deceased. So the request of you as a foreigner is necessary to apply for the claim and transfer of the fund smoothly into your reliable bank account as the NEXT OF KIN OR EXTENDED RELATIVE to the deceased.

On the transfer of this fund into your account, { 39% } being ( US$7,527,000.00) will be your share in respect of the account provision and your assistance rendered during the transfer of the fund into your bank account,{ 52% } being (US$10,036,000.00) will be my share being the codinator of the transaction while the rest { 9% } being (US$1,737,000.00) will be shared to the respectable Organisations Centers such as Charity Organisation, Motherless Babies homes, and helpless disabled people in the World.

If you are really sure of your trustworthy, accountability and confidentiality on his transaction, contact me and agree that you will not change your mind to cheat or disappoint me when the fund have getting into your account. Besides you should not entertain any fear because i am sure of the success as an insider in the bank ok. Please reply with the assurance, include your private telephone and fax numbers necessary for facilitate an easy communication in this transaction. As soon as you reply , call me through my private telephone number on... so that i will let you know the next step to follow in order to finalize this transaction immediately.
I expect your urgent communication.

Yours sincerely,
MR. AB MUS

Fun with Telemarketers...redux?

Because boy.imp is home sick and I have been woozy the last few days and fielding an absurd number of calls from companies asking for my money, I am dusting off some old stories for your amusement (yes, these actually happened).

I usually do not mind telemarketer phone calls. That is until recently. Recently they have been calling the Playground PAST 9 p.m. and on SUNDAYS!! The callers also, sometimes, work for the same company but different call centers, which means I have to turn down the same product 3-4 times a day (Discover Card, are you reading this? Think maybe you have too many people on the phone??)

All in all, these calls are very annoying. It is not too hard to guess the countries of origin: India, Philippines, or our own USA. But as annoying as these calls are, either in sales content or interpreting the accents, I never seriously considered the infamous "Do Not Call" list.

Where would be the fun in that?

If we had signed up for that list would I have ever been able to do any of the following:

1) Convince the caller offering me a 'most expenses' paid trip to Branson, Missouri to help me plan a way to take my mistress instead of my wife on the trip. The problem hinged on the fact that she could not figure a way for me to take wife.imp to the mandatory, pre-trip sales meeting (spouse ID had to be verified) and somehow leave her at home while I vacationed with the mistress.

Before you judge me, wife.imp was sitting on the sofa beside me listening to my side of the conversation. And there never was a mistress so stop the hate mail.

2) There were lots of calls made by the same male telemarketer asking for wife.imp. I usually do not get irked unless a telemarketer calls and refuses to leave the name of the company/purpose of the call. I mean if you are going to be that persistent, throw me a bone here!

But if you don't and you insist on constantly phoning day after day after day...I might just go on a rant accusing you of being my wife's current lover and that if you wanted to keep her you had better improve the quality of jewelry...etc.

I never did find out what product he was hawking. Wife.Imp thought it might be Discover trying to send another card.

3) I felt bad (marginally) accusing that previous caller of having an affair with my wife and swore not to use that particular strategy again. So the next caller that tried not to identify himself got the "paranoid, conspiracy theorist" ranting about how these calls are 'The Man's' way of keeping us under his thumb...

However none of these compare with my elder brother's masterpiece:

After ordering a complete replacement of all the windows in his house, he 'let it slip' that he did not own the house and asked if that would be a problem. The telemarketer was somewhat new and agreed it wasn't and then had to backtrack.

The gloves came off... My brother claimed he really wanted the windows and could the telemarketer call back later as he shared a party line with the landlord. But when said telemarketer called back, could he not let on that my brother spoke to him as the landlord was still upset about receiving the bill for the installation of carpeting and a few other improvements throughout the house.

The telemarketer called back 2 days later and my brother started speaking in a faux old man's voice. The first thing the telemarketer did was inform my brother that his boarder ordered 10 new windows and could he schedule a time for the company to come out. At this point my brother went off, ranting about having to pay for new carpets, refinished kitchen cabinets and new appliances. He then moved into a line about evicting the tenants.

The telemarketer, being waaaaay out of his depth, then spent the next 1/2 hour trying to convince my brother not to evict the tenants (which of course included said brother, his wife and the family hound).

I can only aspire to such greatness. But in the meantime, practice makes perfect.

Noteworthy News Items as found in the Local Auto Fixit

The snow is gone.
The strep is gone.
The rain is gone.

It would not be beyond the pale to believe that work should be back on schedule. The plan was to get up earlyish and hit the road...aaaaaand the car decides to idle rough. The engine still felt strong and I was able to take girl.imp to school, however the idiot light in the dash flared to life on the way home.

Something was wrong with the emission system. So I rolled into an 'auto fixit' joint (not that we have much choice in this area. There is SOMEWHAT PRICY, PRICY and GIVE-US-A-KIDNEY-AND-YOUR-FIRSTBORN-PRICY. I selected Somewhat Pricy.)

So I pointed out the specific warning light per the owners manual (thereby saving myself 1/2 hour of labor) and upsetting the staff. They apparently need the extra time and relayed this information along with their displeasure by making me sit for 1 1/2 hours to ge the car in to be checked (It took another 11/2 hours to fix, so I saved no time at all).

However I learned that this particular establishment is being asked by a customer to pay for $800 in damages because her car burnt to a crisp after they 'fixed' it. To be honest the customer was supposedly warned the work needed done. But I wasn't there then...

So while the staff bitched about the situation, cast asperations on the customer in general and feared the future (if only in the blackest most hidden part of their hearts), I sat and read Star magazine.

For those of you living in caves near mine. Here is 'news' we are missing:

• Angelina has lost a ton of weight recently
• Nicole Ritchey has her last name tattooed on the back of her neck. (Here's hoping her 'dates' can find it they forget her name before morning!)
• Jennifer Anniston has had a nose job
• Celeb watchers are reaally snarky about celeb clothes
• I still want to bathe in antisceptic when I see photos of Paris or Brittany
• Who is Kevin Federline and why is he newsworthy?
• Matt Damon wears lifts??
• There will be another Bourne movie! (yea me!)
• Did I really need to see Harry Potter's 'Full Monty'???

Warning! Here at Imps Playground, we have been attacked by a new, vicious Internet Virus!!

DEAR RECEIVER,

You have just received an Afghan virus!

Since we are not so technologically advanced in Afghanistan, this is a MANUAL virus!

Please delete all the files on your hard disk yourself and send this email to everyone you know!

Thank you very much for collaboration......

It is Time to Draw the Line in the Sand...

In a post Valentines Day euphoria, I stumbled across an image on the internet that froze soul, made my blood boil, caused me to question Man's future--No, Man's ability to produce Testosterone!

Is nothing for us men sacred?
1- farting in public is bad
2 - We cannot pick our noses (in public or private...)
3 - It is frowned on to pick our underwear out of those uncomfortable places it sometimes wanders into...
4 - Drinking and Driving? Gone
5 - Smoking? Gone
6 - Sports? Action-Drama Movies? Strippers? Gone. Gone. Gone.

Arranging the Comfort Room so that it is a Room of Comfort?
7 - Leaving the two footprints strategically placed on the floor of the shower to provide the optimum in both cleanliness and relaxation?
8 - Leaving that half-circle on the mirror that you wiped the mist off of (really the only part of the mirror that you use anyway)?
9 - Leaving the toilet paper stacked on the back of the toilet for ease of use?
gone. gone and gone.

10 - Your den? Now it's either a storage closet or a playroom.
11 - King of the Castle? Try the bastard-half son of the basement (or if you are really really lucky the garage).
12 - Captain of the Grill? Not likely! Possibly Cabin Boy of the Marinade...
13 - Masturbating? (Think this was under lucky 13 by accident?) Guess who ended up with the better toys? (ahem--Tupperware)


However, we put up with this constant stream of losses because we knew that no matter how many times we heard women proclaim: "We can do anything you men can do, but we can do it even better!" We knew that there was still one area that we reigned supreme. Even if we were occassionally messy, it was still our supreme mess.


Yes, until recently, Men were the BEST at standing up and peeing!! And could we keep this little corner of our world all to ourselves? Would this be the one, unapproachable, unerodable area left for Men to be Men???

Thanks to P-Mate we do not even have that small comfort:

image from: http://www.p-mate.com/eng/product.html

There is Professional Behavior, there is Unprofessional Behavior, and there is Immature...

Professional is not only showing up for the job in proper business appropriate attire, but actually backing up the look with the attitude and work ethic.

The best, most-recent example of being professional is from James Burnett’s blog (www.burnettiquette.blogspot.com) of Feb. 2, 2007

“…his publicist, who didn't grace us with her presence, had pre-determined who could interview him. No print media outlets are on the list. I tell the very, very large bodyguard that the print-less interview list is foul and that we scribes should be given equal access for a number of reasons...”

Kudos to James for going after a story even with the risk of being very publicly rejected, either verbally or physically, as is proper and demanded of any reporter.

Pageant Mom and Diana, I suspect, could also deliver reams of paper on the subject of Professional Behavior (what it is, what it is not...).

Unprofessional is the unnamed/unseen publicist mentioned in James’ blog and also includes:

1) Calling off from work because you are sick (but you really are going to go visit with your girlfriend who is home for the weekend from college. Yes, I am still amazed that I was not immediately terminated.)

2) Asking a co-worker to cover your shift because your ‘grandmother was in the hospital and you wanted to be there with her—just in case.’ Then coming back after the weekend and detailing, in depth, just how ‘righteously awesome’ that concert was. It has been almost 15 years and I cannot remember your name Frat Boy! But I will…I will!!!

Immature is being hired into a business with very professional expectations (attire, attitude, performance...some place that would be just like wife.imp's company), spending just over two months on the job and then quitting -- giving no warning, not even allowing management to discuss options or even to offer a short leave of absence – via email!!!!

More Snow on the Way means: more frigid weather, one more day less before College Football returns, one more day at home from school for the imps...

Here is something to brighten your day:

(I took a chance and opened an email with attachments today!!)


I would love to have seen this on the roads in the last week...


Have you ever lived next to a 'Hyacinth Bucket'?
(BBC: "Keeping Up Appearances")


According to my dad, as a child I WAS this family!!!

Just makes me want to burn the grill instead...

I found my mid-life crisis Tatoo!

Time-Hasteners - Final Edition

So the final Six have arrived just in time to bring in the Holiday Weekend with a minimum of stress (are you listening honey? a minimum of stress...)

6: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9186670810343559618 - William Shatner 'sings' "Rocket Man".

5: http://www.alteringtime.com/features/misc/?p=baggins - Leonard Nemoy sings the Virtues of Bilbo Baggins!

4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnczcDaYB2I - After this, I truly became a fan of Disco (and computer animation!!)

3: http://www.capsteps.com/ - The Capitol Steps. It does not matter your political views, Liberal, Conservative, Repbulican, Democrat, you will be mocked as the opportunity presents. Right now we have Bush....(but remember we once also had Bubba)

2: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/drum.php - This is a must see, all day event!!

1: http://addictingclips.com/Content.aspx?key=EF73DC171C345DB4 - You might never trust your computer again - Learn to fear runaway programs!!


Bonus Time-Hasteners!!

a: http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/animator - The original runaway program.

b: http://www.freeonlinegames.com/play/1833.html - Mambo music and Chinese food. You never really do get too much of this and you will find yourself going back for more!!

Friday Nite Wanderings - Favorite Foreign Flicks - Time Hasteners Take IV

Friday Nite:
It is the beginning of a long, cold weekend. Long mostly because it will be cold - high of 37 degrees Fahrenheit.

This is the beginning of the sucky sports season. Mostly because I am no longer a die-hard fan of the NFL (thank you Art Modell), and (since the retirements of Bird, Johnson, Jordan) am not a fan of the NBA, never was a fan of hockey...and we are not in baseball season....

I must rely on my pre-recorded entertainment. I have a very diverse collection but I must try an match my desires to wife.imp's mood and late at night this usually means the long, dramatic movies are out (and are definitely out while the imps are awake).

So as I decided which foreign flick to watch (no these were not the soft-core that can be found on IFC F*@#&*G Channel>, I decided to do a list.

Favorite foreign Martial Arts movies from my collection (post-Bruce Lee).
5) Rumble in the Bronx - Jackie Chan taught us that anything on the set can be used as a weapon.
4) Drunken Master - This by far is our favorite Jackie Chan movie. Drunken Boxing RULES!
3) Hero - saw this in the theatre and now am up to 5 viewings at home. I still prefer the big screen but can watch this all day...
2) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - This movie is the pinnacle of action, story-telling, and Martial Arts. Or it was until...
1) House of Flying Daggers - stop here. If no other film is ever made this would be worth watching on a daily basis!

Perhaps I might offer up an opposing list of the worst, yet must-watch Martial Arts movies (yes, also in my collection!) next week.

Time Hasteners Take IV
Ok, the last time we updated this list, it was all text. That is over now. Get rid of the kids, tell the boss you are on a 2-hour break...

6) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww&NR - I just stumbled on this and no matter what you thought about Steve Irwin - this will make you smile!

5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRc6MsMu4HY - I have absolutely hated rap/hip-hop for years. As-a-matter-of-fact, the only rap album I own had the song, 'Fly Girl'.

4) http://www.ebaumsworld.com/santasling.html - Throwing the 'Fat Man' for points! Can it Get any Better??

Time-Hasteners - Take Three

Ok, we have seen Stick Figure mayhem and we have abused a Gerbil and were Burninated by Trogdor.

What could possibly top that?

Let us switch things up and go with some written text.

What? Read you say, Dennis?

What could possibly be sooooo interesting to make me want to stop work to read some pointless drivel? I have projects to complete and/or imps to care for. I have a loooooong ass week ahead of me and an unrelenting schedule of numbness ahead...

Ok, now that I have you in the proper frame of mind:

9: Bored with the daily grind? Need a change of scenery? Well strap on some wings to your lawnchair and fly! Or read about how Larry did it: http://tlc.ousd.k12.ca.us/~acody/larry.html

8: Considering what to do when your imps are old enough to pursue higher education? Wondering how to approach a top-level university? John Mongan did! http://www.cartalk.com/content/features/hell/Bestof/mit-letter.html

7: There is nothing like a philosophical question to excite the brain cells. So what do you believe? Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html


Happy Holidays!!

Time-Hasteners - Take Two

As we are embarking on the current version of the the holiday blues (you know who you are: In-Laws planning on stopping by , Kids are home ALL DAY from school, work is a bear; no more holiday days or sick days, and right now where is all that Darn Snow??

So, because Time is ever moving (no matter how slow), I am proffering items 12-10 on my list of daily interludes:

12: http://www.bigducky.com/prank_calls/911.htm - This baby has been around for years! It has been an Uban Legend. It might very well (and probably is) be fake. But funny is as funny does!

11: http://addictinggames.com/bowman2.html - ok, ok you look at this and say 'Whahuh?' But think about it! Stickmen bearing weapons! Ok, it's a bow, but still...

10: http://addictinggames.com/territorywar.html - ok, this is officially a trend. But let's take away the bow and update the weapons!

Enjoy!



oh, you're welcome!

Since My Birthday is Sunday and we ARE in the Midst of the Holiday Season...

... AND we are at the start of a long stretch of the looooong holiday season when those of us...you..whom are still fully involved in the grinding, soul-wearying, endlessly gray, mind-numbing, work-filled days, want nothing better than a brief respite, a smile, a chuckle, nay--mayhaps a hearty guffaw!

So, since I no longer fight the Man for table-leavings and scraps (eg: a salary) I am going to list 15 of my past and present 'Time Hasteners'.

15) Trogdor the Burninator - http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html - I have never met Strongbad, but color me a fan for this animation alone. Oh, and turn the sound down!!

14) Pendulumeca - http://addictinggames.com/pendulumeca.html - It is almost criminal the way you can have so much fun with just the one mouse button.

13) The Hamster or Frog from JoeCartoons.com. Turn the volume down and remember (Diane this one is for you) You can envision the most annoying imp.worker in you department in these situations!!)