New Year-New Snow-Same 'Ole Imps

I could have, I really really really could have taken my 'puter to the local coffee bin and spent an afternoon relaxing with my favorite caffiene/calorie overdose.  But no, I decided that I could go home.  Work on the dining room table until it was time to start dinner (which I am getting burned out with cooking on a nightly basis -Yea me!  Only 60-80 more years of that left).

Yessir, I was feeling pretty good about life.  The little shopping that needed to be done was complete and I was ready to get inside, hook up the music and...and there they were.  An extra pair of kids-sized shoes in the entranceway.  

Current plans are now past plans and future plans of 'Me Time' look bleak.  Especially when they insist on playing hide and seek in two rooms (Because our house is too small to let them run wild--and they are not going to be playing in the furnace room or my bedrooms!).

So here I sit, amid the slamming of doors (I have to let them play somewhere...right?) and ear-numbing rock (sanity!!)

Only 30 more minutes and I can start kicking people out....

When OSU Gets to the Title Game NEXT Year...

Can we please play any team from a division other than from the SEC??

Yes, I am predicting the Buckeyes playing in a 3rd consecutive national title game and for those detractors out there who believe we are too slow (we're not, but we do have those odd games where sound technique gets left behind. go figure) let me just say that 4 title game appearances in 7 years trumps any background yammering of how underserving a conference/team we (the Buckeye Nation) are...and I did not see any other team willing to step up and take that spot for this year's beating!

Ok, soapbox put away until November 2008.

Ok We're Back

and I have to admit that it helps keep peace in the family that when you visit the abode of a vacationing relative and pull a Fudgecicle from the freezer that one does not leave it sitting, forgotten and uneaten and slowly melting, on the dining room table.

It also helps to have other sibs visit said abode before the parents get back so that the mess can be discovered and cleaned before the homeowners can raise holy hell!

Thanks sis!


Well, it is finally here! The much 'anticipated' 20 year high school reunion for the Class of 1987 from good 'ole JGHS!

So we sent in our reunion fee and reserved an hotel room and then we get the following in the mail:

: "I wish to inform you that the 20 Year Reunion scheduled for ... at Salt Fork State Park has been cancelled (because all you bleeping hicks claimed you could not afford the fee, but if y'all just didn't purchase those 4 extra thick crust pies with douple pepperoni you'd've had plenty of cash available for the reunion - sorry, I added this part in parenthesis) due to lack of participation.

I'm sure there are a variety of reasons (the whole damn lot of ya' would rather be eating bologna and drinking Pabst while taking turns with the Magic Microphone (and its 1,000 songs) and sharing time on the broken foosball table than try anything that might further remove you from the keggers you enjoyed on the farm 20 years ago! - sorry, my thoughts again) that people cannot attend, but because there are so few that have responded, I have no choice but to cancel at this time...":

So, anyway we'll have to see how far we get on the 25th reunion...

My Fright Home...

Ok, so I drove with my brother to help him move into his new aparment in Illinois last Saturday and then on Sunday I was to fly (ok, I did end up flying) home on American Airlines.

I arrived at O'hare at 7:30 a.m. for my 8:50 a.m. flight and checked the departure board. One flight had been cancelled. Care to guess? I'll let you have three tries and the first 2 do not even count!!

Yep. I had in my hand my pre-printed, now useless, electronic boarding pass. This meant I now had to rub shoulders with the masses and wind my way slowly to the check-in counter. Thirty minutes later I was informed I was now booked on United Airlines 9:15 flight, but not really because what they were actually giving me was a coupon for the ticket for said flight. Now hustle back to terminal 1 to get in their Check-In line.

Aaaaand 20 minutes later I am being told that AA did not actually book me on the flight and I might not be leaving Chicago for a while. Seeing my 'Now-I-Know-Why-They-Blow-Up-Airports' look, the counter tech decided he might want to give it the 'Ole College Try' and see if he could effect a positive resolution.

Which he did! Thank you United!

So, as I wended my way through the security line (which was being outpaced by the proverbial snail) I decided to change my shoes for my flip-flops. I would like to say that I am almost 40 and this is the first year (at age 39) in which I have ever owned flip-flops. I have to admit I was missing out.

Then the 'Man' decided that he would split the security check line and sent my half to the far end of the terminal where they opened a new check point. Upon arriving at the front of the line (some 15 minutes before boarding was to commence for my flight) I had the following interaction with the security staff:

Security Flunky: ID and boarding pass.
(glancing from me to the documents and offering a brief frown)
Thank you. You have been selected for Special Inspection.

I realize that they do have to do this and had been through it once before on a flight to Swizterland, but I was in kind of a hurry and therefore was a bit slow on deciding how I should react. Should I:
a: jump up and down clapping and calling out 'Yea me!'
b: do the 'One-armed, athletic, fist pump' and calling out 'Boo-yah!'
c: shrug my shoulders and wait for further instructions.

I chose poorly. I shrugged my shoulders and stood there quietly.

SF: Did you hear me?
(now glaring at me)

Again there were myriads of choices available. I chose to be annoyingly polite.

me: (with my widest, brightest smile) Yes. I have been selected for Special Inspection.
SF: Follow me!
(now glaring and a bit red in the face)

Fortunately everyone else seemed to be a little harried and the full-body probe never occurred.

Here's how we were called for boarding:

Section 1 may now board. Section 2 may now board...Section 3...Section 4 may now board.

WTF??

Every airline I have ever flown called us by row numbers after boarding 1st and business class passengers! My boarding pass had nothing on it about sections and after staring around at the empty Waiting Area, I had to assume it was the only boarding pass devoid of a section number.

I really wanted to go up to the uniformed flunky and demand to be shown what section it was in which I had been seated, but then I might have been selected for Special Inspection!

Sunday Rants

First thing we noticed as we pulled into the Church parking lot on Sunday were the 3 policemen. Yep, the Fuzz was all over the lot. Ok, two officers were standing under a shade tree while one officer ran his butt off trying to ensure that people actually parked in such a manner as to not block off 3/4 of the lot from other drivers.

Tough to imgine? Picture trying to park at your local grocery but on that particular day everyone who arrived prior to you parked in solid, unbroken lines in every single space around the outer edge of the lot. Now move that lot, every Sunday, outside of our Church.

So, while CopA ensured we had ample parking Cops B&C were totally engrossed in their conversation. I did wonder what they had to be saying (sorry Tony. You can skip down the 'The Math Lesson'):
CopB: So, I hear the Buckeyes are going to have an off season
CopC: Are you fuc--freaking kidding me? They practically returned everybody on defense...
CopB: Defense? Defense won't save them. Look who they lost on Offense. The Heisman Trophy winner! Their top running back! All of their top receivers! They'll be lucky to finish in the top ten!
CopC: Top ten? They'll be packing for the title game when they go up to beat Michigan!
CopB: Michigan? You think they're going to beat Michigan?
CopC: Yes! Michigan!
CopB: Jeezus Christ..!

(Ok Tony, you can start reading here...)

The Math Lesson:
So after Mass we went shopping. After going through the store and paying for the items, wife.imp noticed we were not given the 25% discount on a couple of items. They were originally $12.99. Since we already went through the checkout, we had to suffer with the Customer Service line. After haggling with the lady behind the counter for awhile wife.imp turns to me and asks (loudly): 'Do they even teach math in schools anymore?'
Me: hunh?
wife.imp: Do you think they might teach someone what 25% of $10 is?
Me: Oh... (in my head I am multiplying 10 by .25. Ok, It would have been simpler to reduce things to 25% of $1 and then adding zeroes, but I like seeing the numbers spinning in and out of the columns in my mind. I did get the correct answer within 30 seconds tho')

Apparantly wife.imp was given an incorrect dollar amount by the lady when she tried to do the discount from $12, so wife.imp asked her to start at the discount for $10 and was told that the discounted amount was $.25.

I am not sure of the process but apparantly the lady started with 10 on the calculator and subtracted 25% (ie: .25) and noticed that the amount left 9.75 and blithly announced to wife.imp that she just saved a quarter.

I moved further down the counter while wife.imp addressed Introduction to Math 050 to the CS Lady. I was just happy that I got the answer correct.

House Keeping

We would like to upgrade our house in the near/distant future. Actually our initial intent was to have already upgraded (the 3-year plan has become the 8-year plan). In the first 3 years after we moved here, I completed many, many projects. In order to get the house in shape to sell, I will have to correct my mistakes as well as those of the former owners.

I do not want to keep working on the house. My dad finds it relaxing to tear into the plumbing and electrical guts of his house. My older brother finds peace of mind in upgrading his home's internal wiring, etc...

I tend to cuss. Loudly and often. Mind you, I can replumb, lay tile, paint, lay floor etc...(I categorically refuse to do any electric work). I cuss and drive back and forth to Home Depot. Even the most simple job can involve multiple trips. So now I have to paint, tear out and rebuild walls, hang/lay tile and change light fixtures. And that is only one bathroom.

I am not looking forward to this. If I were not married, I would probably chuck all this and move into an efficiency apartment.

Fair warning to anyone out there still living in apartments, the Mortgage is merely the TIP of the iceberg!!

Ummmm, time for a Hiatus...

We are having a slight technical issue and will not be able to post for a couple of weeks. However we do anticipate a positive (if somewhat delayed) resolution to talk about!!

oops...

Yesterday was a long, long day. Of course it was the funeral and I decided to wear black. Black suit, socks, shoes, shirt, tie, I even think my underwear was black (however that was a more random selection on my part).

Turns out it topped out around 88 degrees during the funeral. Has anyone ever noticed that graveyards have a definite lack of shade trees?

Just me? Trust me. I really noticed. Not to be disrespectful to the deceased--because he was a pretty awsome guy--but when the honor guard raised the rifles for the salute I half-hoped they would point one or two my way. A fat man in a black (non-cotton) suit on a hot sunny day. Tell me you would not consider that a mercy killing?


So when I got home, niece.imp (lord bless this girl but she was in a tizzy) informed me that my computer choked and died. Literally. The only thing to pop up on the screen when it was turned on was a warning that the config.sys file was corrupted or missing.

If anyone has seen my config.sys file, please send the poor dear home!

i spent the night trying to install everything that was lost when my recovery cd worked its magic. I lost everything on my drive. I had just recently decided that I was going to back up my documents this weekend (details on why is a later post).

There are only two devices that do not yet work as they did before the crash and it would really help work-wise if they would just stop being such pains in the a@@ and work the way I desire!!

So tonight I am going to try and beat these machines into submission...

We got home late from work and decided to eat out

Because I was not getting in until after 7:30pm and wife.imp would not be there until 7. So we went to the local 'down on the farm' eatery.

I arrived 30 minutes or so after wife.imp and the fam were seated and orders were taken (I issued my choice of fare over the phone). Thirty minutes later wife.imp flagged down the wai--server and inquired on the status of our meals, offering to go cook them herself is such help was needed.

It apparantly was. We later learned the cook was taking multiple breaks (however this news seemed to surprise the manageress). Speaking of the manageress, she soon stopped by and was grilled about her work history by girl.imp. I mean she really went after the woman, asking where her last two positions were and why she moved to different locations, etc..etc...

Ivanka Trump move over, girl.imp is ready to storm the Trump castle!!

Wife.imp reiterated her desire to help the kitchen staff, as, after our first complaint, only two of the 5 entrees appeared. The last to be served was boy.imp and he ordered scrambled eggs with bacon!

I more or less decided I was tired. I drove almost 320 miles today. My dialogue was rapidly filling with 4-letter words and I was silently casting asperations on the manager's family (past, present and future) and on the ability of the staff in general. Needless to say, I thought it best not to add vocalization to my wandering thoughts.

In days gone by, I would have followed the tried and true method of allowing the imps to play haphazardly with the glass tablesettings. I figure either the staff will bring food out to the imps to keep their hands/mouths occupied or they will take their time and hope the glass shrapnel flying through the air does not find the other diners...

However, I do not think this establishment with the 'country red' coat of paint will soon see our shadows darken its doors!

On a positive note the Reds spanked the Cardinals and Junior hammered #1 of the year to deep right field!

Good days!!

That Stinks!

This is wife.imp's newest catch phrase.

Have to get up and take girl.imp to school? That stinks!
Have to get up and pop your own popcorn at night because your husband is in the midst of correcting a scene in his book? That stinks!
Dr. Who marathon (repeating every episode as often as possible)? That stinks!
Husband making not so subtle, erotic requests? Let's skip this one shall we?

In homage to the 'That Stinks' here are some memories of life from my high school, as the 20th reunion is approaching:

1 - My first love in sports was baseball. LOVED IT! However, baseball is a team sport and my peers and I were not close. In fact there were several occassions when dad talked me out of going to school to get into a fight (have I mentioned I am a natural red-head with a natural red-head's, hair-trigger temper???). So when my teammates actually invited me to meet them after practice (we were having a personality conflict) to sort matters out, I decided that participating in a sport with these people, without extra padding, was not the smartest move I could make. WHY?

2 - I watched several people come and go in our school who managed to get onto the wrong side of the 'elite'.
a - One guy, a year ahead of me, was a martial arts freak. One day, seven of his classmates met him after school and helped him obtain a 5-day absence from class. The following week he came back to school and hunted them down one at a time (in between fights he would go to the band room and use the intsrument cabinet doors as target practice for his throwing stars).
b - A new kid joined our school and the 'elite' immediately went after him. The hazing was so bad that one day, during the last period of the day, the sheriff showed up and arrested new kid. Apparently (and I sat next to him during two classes that day) he was carrying a sawed-off shotgun in his school bag. His mistake (and our blessing) is that he actually showed it to someone before he decided the time had come for a little retribution.

3 - Were these people actually that bad? I mean can they have been so out of control that someone would want to shoot them? We had a 'mentally slow' child. Mikey. Could do math in his head that today's computers would be hard pressed to match. Loved basketball. Never seen him not smiling.

They hung a picture of a playboy centerfold in his locker. Just tied two corners to a string and hung it over the coat hook of his locker. Mikey freaked. It was outside his experience. He could not figure out how to take it off and his parents were picking him up at school when I came back in from track practice.

Of course 'everybody' was laughing their asses off, because Mikey missed his bus.

anybody getting the impression I did not like my classmates? need more?

4 - you know the scene. Car stops and offers ride to 'the poor schlup' and pulls off as soon as he starts to get into the car. In high school, I did not always have a car available so sometimes I walked home (10 minutes, maybe fifteen if I walked the long route).
It was a nice day after football practice (I played football exclusively in high school because I found I could hit people as hard as I wanted and would not get into trouble. Of course the only thing I had to do was make sure it was not a cheap shot).

Anyway I chose to walk the long way. So the car full of my teammates pulls up and offers me a ride. Why on earth would I put my life in their hands? I waved them off. By the time I got to their car I could be home anyway. They kept calling, encouraging me to accept the ride.

Hey! I could trust them!!

I waved them off...Come on Dennis...hurry up!! You'll miss your ride! (AS IF!)
So I jogged forward two steps and stopped. The car moved forward 5 feet and stopped. Apparently if I did not put my heart into it, the joke was not funny. So I 'ran slowly' toward the car until they peeled rubber and took off.
What fun!

5 - But Dennis, you had to have good memories? Yes, I did and do. However here is one that started out as a suspicious feeling and, well, you decide:
I and my girlfriend, in our senior year, were voted Cutest Couple 1987. I even have the yearbook to prove it!

Good memories....

Before the actual vote was tallied, a friend told me the cutest couple final vote. BEFORE the actual vote. And why were we picked? Everyone wanted to see us bask in the obvious approval and warm feelings from our peers. Right before we were informed that 'Hey, It's a joke! We really don't feel that way.'

...and yes, I was so informed a few days after the Official notification came out. But by then I could tell them that, guess what? In 20 years nobody will remember.

Sooo, thank you! Howerver, I keep wondering, when one of these reunions will bring up the cutest couple...seriously!

It is Time to Draw the Line in the Sand...

In a post Valentines Day euphoria, I stumbled across an image on the internet that froze soul, made my blood boil, caused me to question Man's future--No, Man's ability to produce Testosterone!

Is nothing for us men sacred?
1- farting in public is bad
2 - We cannot pick our noses (in public or private...)
3 - It is frowned on to pick our underwear out of those uncomfortable places it sometimes wanders into...
4 - Drinking and Driving? Gone
5 - Smoking? Gone
6 - Sports? Action-Drama Movies? Strippers? Gone. Gone. Gone.

Arranging the Comfort Room so that it is a Room of Comfort?
7 - Leaving the two footprints strategically placed on the floor of the shower to provide the optimum in both cleanliness and relaxation?
8 - Leaving that half-circle on the mirror that you wiped the mist off of (really the only part of the mirror that you use anyway)?
9 - Leaving the toilet paper stacked on the back of the toilet for ease of use?
gone. gone and gone.

10 - Your den? Now it's either a storage closet or a playroom.
11 - King of the Castle? Try the bastard-half son of the basement (or if you are really really lucky the garage).
12 - Captain of the Grill? Not likely! Possibly Cabin Boy of the Marinade...
13 - Masturbating? (Think this was under lucky 13 by accident?) Guess who ended up with the better toys? (ahem--Tupperware)


However, we put up with this constant stream of losses because we knew that no matter how many times we heard women proclaim: "We can do anything you men can do, but we can do it even better!" We knew that there was still one area that we reigned supreme. Even if we were occassionally messy, it was still our supreme mess.


Yes, until recently, Men were the BEST at standing up and peeing!! And could we keep this little corner of our world all to ourselves? Would this be the one, unapproachable, unerodable area left for Men to be Men???

Thanks to P-Mate we do not even have that small comfort:

image from: http://www.p-mate.com/eng/product.html

Yo! 'Yet to be named National Pizza Chain!!' Whatever happened to Customer Service 101??

Dear Sirs,
We are contacting you after more than 3 1/2 hours after ordering a pizza tonight. We are
taking into account today’s bad weather, however this can only account for so much of
the limited amount of satisfaction we derived from doing business with your company
today.

Issues:

1) The limited technology of your on-line website does not warn customers of any delays
to be expected when placing an order.

2) Upon calling the regional, Ohio location to verify the status of our order, we
were twice informed that our order should arrive in 15-20 minutes.

3) In discussing the issue with the manager, ......, (approx 1 1/2 hours after our order)
we were finally told that we could expect a continued wait of up to 1 1/2 hours, even
though our order was already with a delivery driver.

At this time, after expressing our current level of dissatisfaction, your manager offered to credit back to us cost of our order. However we will have to wait 10 days to verify if this can actually be accomplished with any level of competency.

4) After waiting beyond 3 1/2 hours after our online order was placed, we called back and
were told that our pizza had been delivered to another residence and that another could be
made and delivered in 20-30 minutes—UNLESS we wished to pick it up ourselves!!

I have a very big concern with the fact that not once did your management staff, at any
time, proactively try to contact us and resolve any issues concerning our order. Plus, in
an effort to make this problem go away with the least amount of effort on the part or your
employees/management staff, we were advised that it would be better if we would pick it
up and deliver it to ourselves.

OH, we just received the pizza, almost 4 hours to the minute from our original, online
order, and at best its temperature it could only be called lukewarm. We are now in the process
of heating our oven in order to reheat the delivered item in hopes that we might be able to
wring the smallest possible enjoyment out of shopping with your company.

Thank you for your time.

Monday: We witnessed Floriday play a high school team. 'Nuff said.

Tuesday: Cannot remember Tuesday. Lots of driving tho'

Wednesday: We went to girl.imp's school for a field trip. We saw 'A Year with Frog and Toad'. It must be a very old play, because the male leads (Frog and Toad) were very, very chummy. What our grandparents' parents would have called good pals...Today we would refer to a closet...

Thursday: wife.imp told me that boy.imp is beginning to mature. He has recently been proclaiming '...I am not a little boy! I am a big boy!' But now he has taken it a step further. When we ask him if he needs his diaper changed he runs away screaming that he did not soil his diaper. So then if we ask him if he wants to stop using diapers and start wearing underwear...

boy.imp: You can stop asking questions. Stop asking questions now!

Good, Honest, Open-Lines of Communication are IMPORTANT to maintaining a happy marriage

But before we get into all that, let me just say that wife.imp and I
went to a Who concert last night!




1) The concert was just over 31/2 hours long and was waaaaay toooo short!!
2) Best F&@*-ing concert I have ever attended! (Tony, although I have not been, this would include Lionel Richie)
3)It is a saaad, saaad thing to witness 40-55+ year-old-men sneaking hits off of their weed. It is even sadder that they knew we were in a section full of teen and (lord help us but why bring these imps to a WHO concert) pre-teen boys and the druggies still lit up...I believe the phrase 'would you like to smoke those out the other end of your body?' was in play...

But after watching those effing old men from England jump and rock non-stop (and make fun of the 'lame' antics of bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers) I am in awe...and will be back on the treadmill later today!


Now, Sunday underlined, at least for us here at the Playground, why we need to communicate more effectively (yes guys, this is marriage-speak for 'men need to listen AND understand what we hear, dammit!)

Background to Sunday: wife.imp had a friend over for the weekend. Friend.imp was in town for a week of training then heading back to the Philippines. So every free moment they were off and shopping. Sunday was a day of shopping and brunch (I was there for the brunch!)

After eating wife.imp and Fr.imp were off to the Victoria Secrets and I and the imps were off to admire the 40' tall christmas tree with the 5' tall painted, styrofoam presents that were lined around the base of the tree. Very pretty. Wife.Imp knew that it would hold my attention for less than 30 seconds. So as she was walking away she shouted instructions:

w.imp: You know where we are going to be. Victoria Secrets blah blah blah!
me: Yeah yeah! Go on! We'll find you.
w.imp: You know where the store is? blah blah blah...
me: (waving and nodding) go on! We'll be fine.

Facing the main entrance to the main building of this complex, the Victoria Secrets store is directly inside the right hand door. I was wondering just how hard will it be to find someone in a store the size of a shoe box?

(keep in mind that, with the imps in tow, traveling from point A (tree) to point B (store) takes about 3-5 minutes. The restrooms and car from point A takes almost 10 minutes)

To be honest I did not know that Easton Town Center (http://www.eastontowncenter.com/index.cfm) had more than one Victoria Secrets store.

So, after admiring the tree, we headed off for the store. No wife.imp or fr.imp. HMMMM, did they go out the other door and are waiting for us at the tree???

saleslady.imp: Can I help you? (ie...you look lost and here you are dragging your two little ones through our store. How prescious! I bet you are here to buy something naughty for your wife and brought the imps along to make us pity you in a nice way!)
me: ummm, yes. I'm looking for my wife and her friend. They are filipina and about so tall and...
sl.imp: well - pause - I don't think I'll be able to help you.
me: thought not...

So out the door to the public restrooms then back to the tree (passing by the store just in case...nope, still not there).

So back at the tree the imps played Hide-and-Seek. Both getting scared because the tree was soo damn large they were not finding each other. Back to the store. Still no wife or friend. and then No girl.imp. It seems I was not moving fast enough and she decided to run around the store on her own.

me: ok, boy.imp. You really need to hold my hand because I am not going to lose you like mommy or g.imp. Excuse me (nice, friendly) saleslady.imp, I seem to have misplaced my daughter...

After retrieving girl.imp we went back outside to warm up. I do not know what it is about sales clerks and the holidays but they do seem to be more cranky this time of year...

Back to the tree. No wife.imp. I was feeling pretty tired by now and b.imp was more or less acting like an anchor at the end of my arm. So I decided that we missed connections and the safest place to wait would be back in the family van. 5 minutes after arriving at the van g.imp announces she needs to go potty. I now felt like the anchor dragging at the end of b.imp's hand...

Back inside the main building:

imps: Mommy!!!!

So friends, the moral to this story? If I had listened to wife.imp, you would not have had to slog through this long post!

Friday Nite Wanderings - Favorite Foreign Flicks - Time Hasteners Take IV

Friday Nite:
It is the beginning of a long, cold weekend. Long mostly because it will be cold - high of 37 degrees Fahrenheit.

This is the beginning of the sucky sports season. Mostly because I am no longer a die-hard fan of the NFL (thank you Art Modell), and (since the retirements of Bird, Johnson, Jordan) am not a fan of the NBA, never was a fan of hockey...and we are not in baseball season....

I must rely on my pre-recorded entertainment. I have a very diverse collection but I must try an match my desires to wife.imp's mood and late at night this usually means the long, dramatic movies are out (and are definitely out while the imps are awake).

So as I decided which foreign flick to watch (no these were not the soft-core that can be found on IFC F*@#&*G Channel>, I decided to do a list.

Favorite foreign Martial Arts movies from my collection (post-Bruce Lee).
5) Rumble in the Bronx - Jackie Chan taught us that anything on the set can be used as a weapon.
4) Drunken Master - This by far is our favorite Jackie Chan movie. Drunken Boxing RULES!
3) Hero - saw this in the theatre and now am up to 5 viewings at home. I still prefer the big screen but can watch this all day...
2) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - This movie is the pinnacle of action, story-telling, and Martial Arts. Or it was until...
1) House of Flying Daggers - stop here. If no other film is ever made this would be worth watching on a daily basis!

Perhaps I might offer up an opposing list of the worst, yet must-watch Martial Arts movies (yes, also in my collection!) next week.

Time Hasteners Take IV
Ok, the last time we updated this list, it was all text. That is over now. Get rid of the kids, tell the boss you are on a 2-hour break...

6) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww&NR - I just stumbled on this and no matter what you thought about Steve Irwin - this will make you smile!

5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRc6MsMu4HY - I have absolutely hated rap/hip-hop for years. As-a-matter-of-fact, the only rap album I own had the song, 'Fly Girl'.

4) http://www.ebaumsworld.com/santasling.html - Throwing the 'Fat Man' for points! Can it Get any Better??

Minor Rants

Sister.Imp is off on her honeymoon. Jamaica. One Week! When wife.imp and I walked down the aisle we did not have a honeymoon! Hell, we did not have any time off from work. Both of us went back to work the following Monday!

Color me Jealous!! Envious!! The Green-Eyed-Monster has arrived in the Playground!

---------------------------------

ESPN:
Where does this network get off by putting the NUMBER 1 team in the nation on its UHF cable channel?
How many people are going to go out and plop down $50+ bucks to pay for this channel? I mean I would sooner watch Late Night Cable Access channels!

Yet I am less upset by the heavy-handed tactics utilized by this network than I am at the University to which I funnel much of my (ahem--and wife.imp's) hard-earned money every year. How is it possible that the university officials sat back and said, 'Put our team on a channel it would take an inveterate explorer and the 'luck 'o the Irish' to find? In the middle of the season? And, in so doing, totally hack off the largest alumni association in the country?
Where do we sign?'

How is it possible that anyone thought this would be ok? Let's face it. ESPN-U is for those schools who still only get the Big 3 networks and still operate TV programs on the UHF band!!
I am still researching how to curse these people with very painful boils and/or plantars warts!!

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Why is it that the Imps will quietly jump in the tub and bed for wife.imp but when it is my turn to direct them at the Sandman, they turn into running targets...LOUD, PROTESTING, RUNNING TARGETS!

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Lost Items
We tore our house apart during the last two weeks. Our personal phone book and w.imp's passport were listed MIA. The phone book has been unseen since last Spring. The passport was a more recent casualty.
When I say that we tore the house apart, I did everything but take the decorative borders off of the drywall and wife.imp was at the point of scratching the walls with her fingernails. We emptied shelves, dresser drawers, kitchen cabinets, boxes, the imps bedrooms.

NADA !

So tonight wife.imp just happens to turn an envelope (manila) upside down and 'LO and BEHOLD' guess what the Blue People have left behind?

I am not going to ask why is everything is always found in the last place one looks. But I am going to ask why is it the last place one looks is also one of those places one looked into at least 2-3 times prior?

Do we have random strands of time vortices zipping through our neighborhoods?


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Who comes through the neighborhoods at night planting all those mushrooms in my yard?? And how can they grow damn big in only 2-3 days??

Microsoft, I apologize

Today I find myself in the unusual opinion of having to change my opinion. I would like to categorically extend my apologies to Microsoft for the 'deranged' rant I posted earlier this week. In my anger I hastily posted a rant that demeaned the craftsmanship and professionalism of the good workers at Microsoft.

I would like to state that this apology is in no way based on the fact that the very next day after I posted said rant that my computer crashed. Utterly. Completely. Without Hope.

(...be very careful folks! Microsoft is out there and it IS watching!!)

12 Hours of Futile Cursing Later

I AM BUYING A MAC THE NEXT TIME I PURCHASE A COMPUTER!!!

My system has been slowly trying to crash for about 1 week now and despite my best efforts Life Support was failing. However last night I decided to bite the bullet and put us all out of my computer's misery and grabbed the 'shock paddles' (otherwise knowna as 'Format C') and applied them vigorously to my system.

And.NOTHING.happened!! HOW THE F*** CAN NOTHING HAPPEN WHEN YOU USE FORMAT F_ING C????

I found out why. Bill Gates and the other demons at Micro-Hell (Dante claimed that there were 9 levels of hell. He was off by 1) made it impossible to 'accidently' type the format command to wipe your hard-drive. How can you accidently type the command to turn your computer into a $1.5K paperweight??

BUT I did find out where they buried the command function! Yes, after 3 hours of searching the file functions and asking wife.imp to prepare the live chickens for sacrifice on the Microsoft Altar, I succeeded.

and as of this post, I have finally gone 'live' again!!

Cell Phone Rant at the playground

The cell phone is definately the tool of devilish hands. It is entirely too convenient to leave safely at home. It has entirely too many useful functions (functions that, much like the time on my VCR, I have not been able to use even with factory printed directions--in English)

Ringtones are too annoying and varied. Stand in a crowded room for 10 minutes and try to keep count of the number of symphonies, rap/rock songs, chirps, scales, school fight songs that erupt around you. Try to keep track of the conversation in which you are a participant with the distraction of the cell phones.

Try to imagine your life without one. I tried and failed. Therefore I make it my mission in life to 'spread the joy' of this perfect little tool with as many people as I can, when I am driving to and from work. My family/friends know when I am working because when I am at home I do not call anybody for any reason unless wife.imp lays down the law!

Why am I rambling on about cell phones? My current phone/service plan are archaic and the phone is falling apart (but I have to wait a couple more months to avoid premature plan cancellation fees). And my imps have discovered the joys of cell phone use.

girl.imp woke up extra early on Saturday and used my cell phone to call her grandparents and wish them Happy Grandparents Day. She also likes the downloadable games.

boy.imp likes to press the buttons, use the camera function and also play the downloadable games.

I have actually decided to encourage this use. I figure by the time they are teens then this will be as annoying to them as it is to me (wishful thinking? It might be as wife.imp tells me I was born to be a cranky, old man).

Waste of Time day

I really should be at work. However the ole' tum-tum is still a bit rum-a-tum-tumbily. and as the old rhyme goes, 'Here I sit...'

Anywho two things have really been bothering me.
1) Somehow the school suckered us into trying to sell almost 200 candy bars for girl.imp's first grade class. I am not certain, but I think we are moving up on the deadline and are still on the hook for over $80. However Last night I managed to take a little back from the 'Man'. I sold 3 candy bars to the school librarian! (wife.imp was a little less than supportive as Librarian planned to use the candy to tempt opposing teams into breaking from their diets this allowing her team to win whatever it is they will win.)

2) I am totally not on board with the Stones v. Beatles arugment. Don't get me wrong, I like the British Bands! I love the likes of Gerry and the Pacemakers, Herman's Hermits and the Animals! However if pressed to pick between the Stones or the Beatles, I will have to go with The Who! Yes, The Who. These 'boys' rocked!

Give me a new Who album and consider it purchased sight unseen! And the best song by a British Band in the prior century?

'Under Pressure' by Queen.