Friday, December 28, 2007

Google Anonymity - Year 2--ish

Yes gentle reader(s), we are in near the end of our second year of blogginess and I must say that I have managed not to jeapordize my marriage to wife.imp (well, nothing too serious anyway) with my posts.

Yea Me!!

So, after two years, I must say that I have consistantly appealed to that fickle, world audience?

What proof do I have, you ask? Well the answers are right before your eyes (the graphs below represent the areas of the world from which our humble little Playground is visited):

...and these are some the search terms from the last month that brought you to 'the Playground':
"what prompts" admission: Usually asking, “please”, works here at the Playground…
bratz playground: Sorry, no bratz here; Only Imps!
bud: this from O Fallon, Missouri, hmmm, here in Ohio they still say ‘Dude’…unless asking for a cold, frothy beverage then Bud is quite often used…
imp news of day: they got up today and started playing a Memory card game that they got for Christmas! Pretty cool, huh?
mother milk: Father Whiskey? ??? OH! You guys need to get a life! Join a frat or something…
peed girl face%: What goes on in Germany (State/Region: Niedersachsen, City: Ronnenberg) stays in Germany
mouse tattoo joke: ummm, footprints meandering from the lower buttocks to the lower back??

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Call me 'olde fashioned'

...but we did not do the HP Nativity scene. I just could not picture placing a baby Harry in his crib with a menacing Lord Voldemorte hovering over him about to cast the Killing Curse under the Christmas tree next to baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph...

So what did happen on Christmas? Let's just say that Santa nearly missed our house because the imps were up until well after midnight..!!!

What did Santa eventually bring the imps?

boy.imp got a brand new Bicycle!!
girl.imp (who hates the idea of 2-wheeled transportation) got a brand new Trikke!! (So did Dennis)

However the best Christmas in Ohio was not celebrated by the Imps. No it was reported in the Columbus Dispatch and desribed how Gunnery Sgt. Shawn Delgado of the 3rd Battalion, 25th Marines of Lima Company spent over $4,000 of his own money (re: Credit Card purchases) to ensure that children who otherwise would have been berift of any Christmas cheer would have happy memories...

Despite what we've read about abuses in the military in recent years, I can only hope that quality men and women (like Gunnery Sgt. Shawn Delgado) continue to volunteer for military service.

I also hope that I might learn to keep track of my keys. Yes gentle readers, last night, while parked in my parents' driveway (with a house full of relatives) I locked my keys in my car, with the engine running. What happened to the spare set? They were locked in the back of the car.

Here is the conversation that made all this possible:
me: hey (wife.imp), do you still have the extra set of car keys?
wife.imp: ummm, yes.

Perrrrrfect! With the spare keys safely in wife.imp's pockets, I proceeded to load the car with all the imp's gifts, our stuff and the leftovers we were taking home from the Christmas feast (there was a snafu on the food bit tho'). I then started the car and locked the doors (knowing the spare key was safely in wife.imp's hands and not wanting to tempt the stray deer or migratory birds that might be wandering near the parents' driveway) and went happily inside to monitor the imps as they prepared to go home.

At the appointed time (that moment where the chaos drops and the imps are most mallable to the idea of leaving) I asked wife.imp for the spare keys.

wife.imp: they're in the black bag
me: They're where?
w.imp: in the black bag by the piano.
me: umm, it's not by the piano...
w.imp: yes it is. It's right over there by the piano.
me: no it's not. It's in the back of the car
w.imp: no, it's not
me: yes it is
w.imp: why is in the car? I told you the car did not need to be warmed up...
me: you told me you had the keys...
w.imp: I did, in the black bag.
me: you did not say anything about a black bag when I asked you if you had the keys.
w.imp: that was a general question...
me: no, I was quite specific, "Do you have the keys?" Specific. (leaning over and checking the front of her pants) Hey, what's this?"
w.imp: I don't keep keys in my pockets. It's uncomfortable."
My.Sister: Yes, they are uncomfortable. They're always poking your legs."
me: (ignoring my helpful sister) You did not mention the black bag...

anyway, despite all my wriggling and attempting to lesson the blame (or at least spread it far and wide, the fact remains that I did leave my keys in the ignition with the car running with the doors locked in a rural community where the likelihood of theft remains at a remarkably small percentage...

Happy Holidays!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Nothing Says Christmas like...

1- The holiday Nativity scene
2- The Hollywood Blockbuster movie release

So girl.imp has decided to combine these two traditions and this Saturday we will be making the
Harry Potter Nativity Scene (complete with Lord Voldemorte)...

thank you...thank you very much...

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


I think I have strep throat...I am trying to determine which will be least inconvenient, an urgent care facility or the primary care physician's office...

So we saw the LOTR films over the weekend and girl.imp has reduced Tolkein's characters to being Harry Potter impersonator wannabes:

Gandalf = Dumbledore
Gimli the Dwarf = a miniature Hagrid
Legolas the Elf = well he is just plain 'CUTE!'
Aragorn = a younger Sirius Black
Gollum = '...that naked man'
All the other blond-haired elves?? - Well, girl.imp had trouble believing that they were 'good guys' because they looked a lot like the Malfoys.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

'Do Me Daddy...Do me daddy...Do me too daddy'...and Road Rage Trumps Christmas Spirit

Yes, the imps were lying on the futon with me and shouting and laughing and demanding more.


More of my bare feet being held in front of their noses!!

Why? I do not know, but as long as they are entertained...

Is it Road Rage when Wife.Imp gets frustrated in holiday traffic??

Wife.imp had some free time last Friday and was going to a lunch with friends and asked me if I would like to go with. I noticed a few things on that drive.

1- wife.imp is an aggressive driver
2- she has little patience with hesitant drivers
3- she has even less patience with drivers more aggressive than she is
4- I find myself saying (a lot), 'I'm going to blog about this.'

In w.imp's defense, there were several very, very angry (re: bad scary) drivers on the roads. However there were two statements she made that make our cut:

'It's like they have Nov. 1 attitudes one week before Christmas...'
'Geez, the rednecks from up north (re: Delaware, Morrow and Knox Counties) have flocked to the malls today. That'll teach me to go shopping on a Friday during the holiday season.'

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

christmas thoughts

We went to wife.imp's office Christmas extravaganza last Sunday and included in all the festivities was a 'Face Painting' booth. Knowing it is Christmas and all the helpers/painters had christmassy things painted on their faces and Santa sat not 100 feet away talking to other imps, Boy.Imp had to have the 'Black Spiderman' mask.
Thank you. We do try.
Girl.Imp has a life-like baby doll (a link to a similar baby doll is below) that was lying facedown on the floor. Wife.Imp was creeped out by the baby doll's position because, 'I know it is not real, but it could smother itself to death lying facedown like that on the floor!'
We have been invaded by a mouse (or a gang of mice) and it is currently living (dying?) in my downstairs closet.
We know it is there because it toured our family room one night (eluding capture) and ran under the stairs into our closet. I have blocked up the entrance and placed LARGE gluetraps with poison in said closet.
I have to admit to being a tad worried because the poison is being consumed and the glue traps are aparantly being used for a cardio workout. In fact, when the mouse/mice are not excercising in the glue, they are eating the plastic container.
I know, I know, poisoning the mice is not eco-friendly, Dennis. I have to admit that no, it is not. Neither am I Al Gore.
I have nothing against nature and with preserving it (outside of my house). Once nature moves in (apparantly with the idea of said move being rent free) I tend to get a little antsy. No, I can get dirty with the best of people, after all I did spend several years camping practically every weekend with the Boy Scouts.
I do have to admit that while the Boy Scouts taught me many valuable lessons there were some things that I learned that were not usable- I should mention that Al Gore was not known nationally and that my biggest influences were standing shoulder to shoulder with me doing things like:
* Melting plastic milk containers over an open flame (global warming was not a serious issue at this time) to see the pretty colors (ok and poisonous colors)
* Dropping tents on rival scout troops and then using the tent poles to beat whatever moved into submission
* Camping with the public and hitting (in retrospect being bloody obvious about this) on both sisters of the family that agreed to share their dinner with you
Although I have to admit that my social skills were honed by learning what not to say:
*(I might not have done so at the time but I would like to offer my apologies to the lady ranger who was present during this exchange)--I was with a group of scouts in Philmont, NM where we were engaged in a ribald conversation about breakdance moves that should not be tried when I piped in with (and I must add that knowing the boundaries of what is acceptable and what should not be uttered was highlighted here): "...Yeah, and nobody should try doing the Worm downhill with a hardon..."
Thing is, if I had uttered that sentence 10 minutes before or after that moment, nothing but laughter would have ensued.
This leads me to the comment that my mom made once, before I left scouting: "I am sure you have noticed that none of the parents around town have let their kids join the scouts for a couple of years haven't you?"
Actually no. I had not noticed. I was having too good a time to realize how out of control we actually were. But the bar had been set pretty high, we were accostomed to playing kinda rough (we once played tackle football - Australian 'rules' style- with a troop from the Cleveland area whose members were 2-3 years older, 20-40 pounds heavier and 3-4 inches taller and I hit (re: tackled) everyone of them so often (they did not acutally have to be carrying the ball--just being near it worked for me) that they eventually asked if we could call it a draw. I was about 5'8" and a solid 135lbs at the time. I was also addicted to pain. I would get into fights just to get that rush and being smallish and fast I just loved football.)
However, as rough as we played, we also took immense pride in being the best troop there as far as skills went. In head-to-head competitions, we rarely if ever came in lower than 2nd and usually ended up 1st. So I was literally surprised when mom informed me that parents were not allowing their kids to join.
So where was I? Oh! The mouse/mice. I believe the point I wanted to make was that as long as nature stays outside of my house, I am content to not mess with it. But when it moves in, I will do what is necessary to beat it into submission and evict it...That is, unless it eats the posion and glue traps and then keeps coming back for more.
Then I will just lock the doors and avoid going near that part of the house again.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Dinner at the Playground...

wife.imp: so baby (girl.imp) what did you do at school today?
girl.imp: nothing.
me: she showed up late today!!
(our alarm did not go off this a.m. and I woke up around 7:45sh. School starts at 8a.m. and it is a 10 minute drive. This leaves us 5 minutes to dress and leave. For us guys that gives us a comfortable 3-4 minute cushion. For girl.imp, she would be about 25 minutes behind the 8 ball.)
girl.imp: No I wasn't. I went to the office to get my slip and they told me that nobody was late today and to go to class and when I got to class, Mrs. H. said...blah blah blah...
boy.imp: (with me staring directly at him) daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...daddy...
wife.imp: Did he kiss you?
me: Who kissed you?
(my neck is still sore as I type this)
girl.imp: nobody kissed me.
me: did you kiss him?
girl.imp: Kiss him? No! I wanted to take a volleyball and beat him in the face with it until I smash his front teeth out! That would be soooo cool! blah blah blah blah

That's my girl!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

One of 'Those' Parents

About 10 years ago, wife.imp and I were at a restaurant where a family of five (3 boys) sat down near us. About midway through the meal the boys decided they would have much more fun if they ran through the restaurant playing hide-n-seek tag. The parents simply kept ordering drinks and enjoyed a very stimulating conversation...

Just the other night one of boy.imp's more distracting habits was on display at a local restaurant. He decided he was done early and wanted to get out of his seat and run around. Wife.Imp and I were enjoying a nice conversation at the time. I truly understood what that couple of years ago must have been thinking.

'Hey, they are not breaking anything and now we can really talk...'

However, I was not raised that way and neither are my imps. And, yes, I did let boy.imp get out of his chair whenever he wanted. He did have to stand with his nose against the wall tho'. I mean running around the house at home can be tolerated, barely and then only if we are near the end of the meal. But in a public setting..? No.

The lesson I learned before we had imps (and this was by watching relatives and/or parents of wildly out-of-control imps at grocery stores) is not to be afraid to educate and discipline (not beat but discipline) the imps in public while they are still young and learning right behavior from behavior that is not right in that situation.

So, now that the flu bug has mostly departed the Playground, the treadmill and other aparatus have been staring petulantly at me. I have been neglectful.

One of