Saturday, June 16, 2007

I'm All Poo'ed Out

I cannot remember the last time I had a nice, satisfying, solid poo. Ok, first let me say that after my computer crashed, the fam went to the Philippines. Today we returned. It's been almost two weeks and still no solid poo.

I do have to add that with almost 2 weeks of explosive, fluid draining poo, stomach cramps (turns out there was this infection thing going on in the lower abdomen) and liquid meals (with crackers), I have managed to not only reign in my expanding waistline, but to lose a large portion of it.

I believe it started at a beach. Actually it was a coral reef about an hour boat ride from a beach located in Bohol, to be precise. Not that the good folks at the resort have asked me for a precise accounting.

To be perfectly honest about the resort staff, I cannot point the 'Finger of Blame' at them, their food or anyone but me. The resort itself was located in a beautiful region and was very well managed.
If it were possible to describe the reddish-orange fires that bled softly across the horizons as the sun dipped 'into' the sea or the pinkish blossoms of fire that announced the imminent arrival of the Yellow Daystar, then I would try.

However lacking this ability to fuse memory with words, I will merely stress that this is a great resort!

(bear with this slight bend in the road)
I am not now, nor have I ever been, a fan of diet foods or food diets. I hunger, I eat. I do acknowledge (now) that a certain restraint in my diet should be executed. Since restraint was not know in my earlier dietary habits and excercise is such a slow way to go, I needed an edge--something that might give me a boost.

I might have mentioned Bohol is near this amazing reef. We went snorkling at this reef. This reef ends at a very steep precipice. There was an amazing abundance of life and color in and around this reef that bled out into a gray green over the precipice and just out of reach a Sea Turtle decided to cruise the area. It gracefully glided over the edge of the precipice for almost 20 minutes, just to prove that it could ignore us.

How cool is that!

'Ummm, dennis? The reef sounds interesting and so interesting we'd like to hire a boat (ask for the oweners of the John Michael) and visit the reef ourselves. But how does this magical interlude about heaven on Earth connect with Rizal's Revenge??

Rizal's Revenge, gentle readers? Do not tell me that you have never heard of Jose Rizal? In fact, I have so much respect for this man and what he accomplished that I withdrawel the moniker Rizal's Revenge in favor of TFMR (the Filipino Monezeuma's Revenge).

Yes, while snorkling I imbibed 1/2 a boatful of seawater and soon thereafter began suffering from what we hillbillies call 'The Green Apple Quickstep'.


Maria said...

As a woman who recently had a bout with colitis....I hear your pain, buddy.....

Hannah said...

Welcome back! And this will teach you not to drink seawater.

MdG said...

Do you still have a tube or two of Desitin left? I would make use, it might help, not your poop, but your poop-chute.

Carla said... sorry, that doesn't sound like any fun at all. Pooing or lack there of,is no laughing matter.

Izzy said...

You can get sick like that from imbibing ocean water? Holy shit!

Oops...that was a poor choice of words. Sorry! Hope your back to normal soon :)

Mama of 2 said...

Makes me rethink leaving the country for any type of vacation.

Hope you are feeling better sooner rather than later.

creative-type dad said...

I'm never stepping foot in the ocean again!