Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Mother Nature will have her little pranks...

I have discovered something truly awful. I have learned that when I go for a massage (yes, I can easily manage 12k miles per year +, so I do go in for the occassional massage to keep things from knotting too tightly) that I have so much body hair that if I were to vacation in the Western States I might be mistaken for a miniature missing link!

Ok, that was not the awful surprise. That was an eye opener. I mean the masseuse must use so much oil that the sidewalk would work like the 'Slip'N'Slide' when I leave.

No, the awful part is that I have learned that the massage works better when I shave my belly (and/or legs/arms/back). Imagine that phrase.

'Shave my belly'

What a truly horrible thought. I mean, when I was in high school I had a little body hair but nothing but the thin trail from chest to --further south. So the other day I did shave the round ball that used to be my abs and realized how truly fat I am under all that hair.

Talk about a motivating factor. Diet, exercise...uh uh. The best therapy is stripping oneself down to the skin.

So amongst all the other little jokes: Rampant ear hair, full body hair suit, the odd eyebrow hair that must grow 10x faster than all other hair on my body, I have truly seen how husky my abs now are.

Thank you Ma Nature. I am officially in my middle-age. A slow, hairy, fat-storing age magnet.

Thank God somebody had the good sense to invent the TRIKKE!

Yes, Dennis will soon beat his belly back into submission and move into his twilight years as simply just a midget missing-link wannabe!


Hannah said...


My hubby found his first ear hair yesterday. He's still in mourning.

MdG said...

I'm sorry, but you just made me snort coffee out of my nose. I must go find a towel now.

Have you started sprouting hair on the tip of your nose? Sarge has those, and it's the weirdest thing I have ever seen.

I hope the massage was worth it.

Diana said...

Can you start saying "Shave my belly" like Austin Power's character says "Get in my belly!" Please??? "cause I can totally see you standing there, holding your pot belly and saying it like that! (I make my hubby do it at home. I find it hilarious. I'm sick.)

wayabetty said...

That reminds me of the scene in the "40 Year Old Virgin" where he got his chest waxed. Are you THAT hairy Dennis? Ok, don't answer that!