Ummmm, time for a Hiatus...

We are having a slight technical issue and will not be able to post for a couple of weeks. However we do anticipate a positive (if somewhat delayed) resolution to talk about!!

oops...

Yesterday was a long, long day. Of course it was the funeral and I decided to wear black. Black suit, socks, shoes, shirt, tie, I even think my underwear was black (however that was a more random selection on my part).

Turns out it topped out around 88 degrees during the funeral. Has anyone ever noticed that graveyards have a definite lack of shade trees?

Just me? Trust me. I really noticed. Not to be disrespectful to the deceased--because he was a pretty awsome guy--but when the honor guard raised the rifles for the salute I half-hoped they would point one or two my way. A fat man in a black (non-cotton) suit on a hot sunny day. Tell me you would not consider that a mercy killing?


So when I got home, niece.imp (lord bless this girl but she was in a tizzy) informed me that my computer choked and died. Literally. The only thing to pop up on the screen when it was turned on was a warning that the config.sys file was corrupted or missing.

If anyone has seen my config.sys file, please send the poor dear home!

i spent the night trying to install everything that was lost when my recovery cd worked its magic. I lost everything on my drive. I had just recently decided that I was going to back up my documents this weekend (details on why is a later post).

There are only two devices that do not yet work as they did before the crash and it would really help work-wise if they would just stop being such pains in the a@@ and work the way I desire!!

So tonight I am going to try and beat these machines into submission...

Playground doin's

So I have been not as active in the blogoshpere recently. Maybe you noticed??

What's up dennis? Where have you been? Whatcha been doin?

Nothing too extreme. I'll start with the sad news. There has been a death in the family. A great-uncle recently passed. The worst part is that even though he had been in poor health, it was an auto accident and the dreaded 'hospital virus' that did him in.

It also looks like grandma will also be leaving us soon. However since cancer is eating away at her mind, this might be more a blessing for her.

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By the way, the number of popups that report on 'this' status or 'that' number or the 'number of times' I blinked my eyes last minute status--is driving me crazy!

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Ok, conversations around the playground:

me: girl.imp, you are getting darker. Pretty soon your tan will be as dark as that chair.
girl.imp: yeah! and you won't be able to see me while I'm sitting here.
me: I know. But your still not as dark as niece.imp
g.imp: I am too!
n.imp: no you are not. I am still darker than you
g.imp: yeah but I'm darker than your boobies!
(me - shutting up because this conversation just took one of those turns that means I should be finding some sort of project to complete in another location--like the garage!)
n.imp: You have not even seen my boobies yet!
me: yet??
(what yet? does there have to be a yet? why are we even anticipating a yet? Why am I still sitting here and not tinkering with the lawnmower or something? YET?)

Two things happened recently that really have highlighted my age:

First: Hair has been growing out of my ears like I have been soaking them in Miracle Grow. I am seriously beginning to ponder using the Laser Hair removal system on my ears!

Second: Because I am hyper-sensitive of this ear hair growth, I have become aware of this one hair that had been growing inside my left ear. I had been picking at it, rubbing it and trying to pull it out for 2 days now. Finally during the middle of dinner I decided it had to go.

Yes, I left the dinner table to use wife.imp's tweezers to pluck a hair out of my ear! I have become that anal!!

Lord help me when i hit my 40s!!

I typically delete these but my uncle sent another gem

Here are a few things to think about:

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"?
Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
(Great, another Item I have to consider in my will...)

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
(Hey James, you might want to remember this question when you and Mrs. B finally have those imps. Plan NOT to let these particular words slip out between your lips!! --by the way, remember those'Ask James Anything' Fridays?--I'll make sure to stop by soon!)

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
(Anyone?)

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
(This would be interesting to try...Yes, that thought did cross my mind!)

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?

Boys will be Boys will be...Girls?

So over the weekend I was out with wife.imp and had an excellent dinner followed by a quick fix at a local book store and coffee shop (yea me!). On the way back to the car I felt the need to releive some pressure and echoed my burp off of the walls of the bookstore.

I did not see her until after the echo faded, but I did manage to apologize to the poor lady who had been resting on a park bench outside the bookstore (and up until that moment) enjoying a quiet evening downtown...


So earlier tonight girl.imp let one rip! And by 'let one rip' I do not mean burped. So immediately after she whips off her pajama bottoms...

me: hey! you can take those off in bed. But while you're down here you need to keep those on.
g.imp: I just want to smell them. Yep, all clear now...
me: good night...

13 Years of Love and Familial Bliss Today

(although, if asked, I'd swear only a couple of years have passed since we were wed - Yes world! Life with wife.imp has been that fun!!)

Wet Dreams at the Playground

It is 3 p.m. and I still have not had my first cup of coffee today. and if anyone knows me, I drink coffee like boy.imp drinks milk (and he would be perfectly content to be permanently affixed to a cows udder).

The reason for this lapse in my caffiene addiction? Because this a.m. as I was fixing my chocolate chip pancakes b.imp wants to tell me about his sleep.

b.imp: I was laughing in my sleep last night
me: you were?
b.imp: yes, do you know why?
me: (looking at niece.imp as he is sharing her bed. She tells me b.imp was laughing in his sleep)
b.imp: because I dreamed niece.imp was kissing a boy.

Great! My son is having make-out dreams....and remembering them!! I mean he is only 3!

So does this mean that in a couple of years, when he turns 5, I'll walk into his bedroom to find him 'beating the bishop', 'slapping the dolphin', 'hitch-hiking to the moon', 'turning japanese'??

What if he reaaaaally starts to cling to that one 'special' stuffed animal.

Lord knows I spent all morning trying to figure out the living arrangements when he starts smoking in 3rd grade and he and when, on his 13th birthday he asks if he and his 3rd wife move in with the young-uns!

Maybe I should go to bed and try this day again in an hour or two...