Thursday, December 28, 2006

More Holiday Stress (or why does daddy like to throw gasoline on the fire?)

Yes, I am back with more info concerning our Christmas "vacation" trip. When we last broached this topic, I was up the Proverbial Creek, no paddles and, as Jenny and Diana informed me, with no canoe either.

So there we were in Northern Illinois, 10 hours from home, and wife.imp was recovering from her recent shopping trip with a sedate lunch out. We were heading out to pick up her best friend (and his wife) from college (Ateneo de Manila University) who was also visiting relatives for Christmas.

So upon arriving at the restaurant (in the middle of lunch rush because we got lost on the way to the friend's house) wife.imp only had enough time to recount the 'Present' snafu 3 maybe 4 times.

Skipping forward in time because the imps were loud, whiny and did I mention loud?, I was rushing out to get the van fired up so we could escape the 'Evil-Eyed' stares of those diners the imps had not chased away.

Just as I reached the exit, girl.imp catches up with me and tells me that boy.imp needs his diaper changed and that wife.imp was having me change the diaper because she was enjoying time with her friends and because "...You owe her big time."

Exact quote. This is the type of quote that should send chills down your spine. The type of quote that should have mandatory sub-titles in flashing neon: DANGER, RUN--DON'T WALK, FLEE DAMMIT, DON'T LOOK BACK! PRETEND gir.imp DID NOT CATCH UP WITH YOU!

But no, I looked back at the table and there is wife.imp holding boy.imp up in the air waving him back and forth, smiling. Everyone at the table was smiling. And it was now too late to pretend I had not made eye contact!

Boy.Imp's pants were soaked. Absolutely, literally, dripping wet. Oddly enough the table top was dry. When I say soaked, I mean dripping from the bottoms of his shoes, his socks everything. It was as if he were dipped into a tub of water and handed to me. Ice cold water too. He was soaked and his pants were cold.

He sat through lunch, peeing what could only have been, what?, 2 liters, and not once did he complain. Not until his pants had time to cool down.

So into the bathroom for a quick change (but because daddy has had experience with more than one imp, he keeps a spare change of ...pants only in the diaper bag). So there I am, in a strange town, with a bag full of diapers and soiled clothes, in the middle of December, with my 3-year-old and no extra socks, no extra shoes and my own personal audience waiting for me outside the door.

Yes, wife.imp got a 2-fer that day. Dad forgot to pack a complete change of emergency clothes for boy.imp and was caught short--yet again.

However, there was a Wal-Mart not 10 minutes away. And now I am one of those folks. I would dress my son up in the dead of winter and take him shopping barefoot to the local Wal-Mart. I also would have him stand barefoot, in only his diapers while we tried on clothes in the middle of the Boys department.

Come on over folks, bring your cameras! Daddy is about to parade boy.imp up and down the aisles for your amusement. Admission is FREE!

Can you believe it is 12-years together and still going strong!!!


Diana said...

OMG Dennis I'm crying from laughing so hard. 'Waving him back and forth..."
Your wife is DA BOMB. I have to hit her up for tips.
I did go to a McD's with a friend whose son pooped down his leg, and had NO change of clothes. Wal-Mart it was! (After a quick bath in a McD's sink!)
I do wonder how long you're going to be paying for this...

Pageant Mom said...

I needed a laugh like that!!! Just the visual on baby waving with the wet pants is more than I can stand!
(Poor thing... and I'm NOT talking about the kid ;o)

It reminds me of the time Gizmo got to the very top of the hamster run at McD's, pooped her pants and would NOT come down...forcing Mommy dearest to climb all the way up and literally DRAG her out. Much to my dismay, it was one of those super clean McD restrooms where they don't have ANY I robbed the napkin stand and she had to sit in it all the way home... YUCK!!!

Mama of 2 said...

Oh Dennis...again you make me howl with laughter. I could seen the scene you described perfectly. I have to say that your wife was certainly getting her revenge. And as for the not having a complete change of clothes been there done that very recently with Girlie Girlie and I am sure that the people in King's thought that I was a horrible mom for having my little girl in a dress with no tights on or even socks for that matter.

carla said...

I like the Wal Mart part....I hope the boy imp also had lunch goo in his hair, that tops off the picture. Be safe.

Anonymous said...

YOU are da man Dennis!! Your wife caught a good one here. Happy New Year to you and your!