Friday, August 03, 2007

Close Your Eyes and Imagine the Sights and Sounds of a High-Pressure Hose...

I have a pressure washer that puts out something like 1400 psi. I can alternately use it to clean the siding on our house, wash the cars, strip paint from the deck and/or said cars (I have not harmed the paint on the cars yet, but I know I could if I wanted to) and carve my name in the asphalt on the driveway.

I mention this because now the boy.imp is potty trained, I have been wondering how his diapers actually survived. I swear with the pressure this imp generates while peeing, b.imp could actually be used as a replacement for the pressure washer for all the above said tasks. Watching him pee (yes, he does sometimes need some parental oversite as I do not wish to mop the bathroom floor on a daily basis), I would be willing to put money down on how fast he could use the pee stream to bore a hole through the porcelain bowl.

Also, on this whole potty training issue, how can a three-year old boy and a seven-year old girl produce such large poopbergs. Even the imp-laws commented on the oversized waste mounds. I mean cows would turn their heads away in shame upon glimpsing these massive mounds of fly buffets. I pray, at least twice weekly, to have a bowl movment that feels as satisfactory as what their every day production yields!

3 comments:

DD said...

Keep in mind b.imps proximity to the receptacle in which he pees. Give him a two feet in verticle height and his laser will seem a little more "normal".

Carla said...

This sounds like a stream that needs to be harnessed....imagine the possibility.

Maria said...

I've often had the same thoughts regarding shit. Jeezo Pete, she weighs 65 pounds! How can she produce such a huge mound? I look at the bowl and her stomach and I can't even imagine her being able to walk with that much inside her.

And it amazes me how much of our lives actually revolve around our shit, you know? I mean, if you are having nice regularity, life is pretty good. If not, all hell breaks loose.

I was talking to Bing's 87 year old uncle today at a family party. I asked him what made him happy. He said, "Being regular. If I am regular, my world is so much smoother."

Agreed.