Friday, August 31, 2007

True Stories from the Playground

True Story!...and yes I actually lived through this.

By the way, have you noticed that whenever anyone wants you to really listen to/believe what you are about to say, they always preface the statement with 'true story'?

When shaving the pits...yes, among other areas, I periodically strip all hair from the under portion of my upper arms. I usually use a top-o'-the-line razor for this and try to work slowly. But last Wednesday I was in a hurry and had only a disposable BIC.

Why do I shave the pits? Because I tend to sweat in the heat and when I sweat, if I am in full bloom of armpit hair, let's say that I tend to take lonnng hot showers. But if I shave, things don't get so desperate.

So anyway, I was in a rush to get out the door and decided it was time to BIC the pits. I dug through the bathroom mirror looking for the shaving cream. Yes, I use a regular razor on the facial bristles but I only use water with the razor for this.

I found that if one tilts the razor accidentally, one can leave a fairly deep/long cut. Then applying deoderant becomes something of an excercise in the double-dare philosophy. Today was the first day since, that I dared apply the scented white stick.

Boy.Imp decided that he was bored on Thursday so he woke me from an unplanned afternoon nap with the following:

b.imp: -pulling up my shirt while straddling my hips- Daddy you're the toilet!
me: what?
b.imp: You're the toilet and I'm going to pee on your belly.
me: you're what?
b.imp: -grabbing his testicles through his pants and waving his hips back and forth- sssssssssss
me: oh thank God.
b.imp: -leaning over and pressing his hand on my right eye- ok, I'm flushing the toilet now

Last Sunday the fam and I went to brunch at Easton Town Center (very nice!) and then on the way home we pull out into the Main Exit lane when a city cop passes my and pulls to a halt behind the pick-up truck that I was following.

Nothing bad about that. Maybe he didn't signal when he turned? About this time I noticed there were about 3-4 people in the truck and they were moving around more than one would expect passengers in a car to move.

Then I noticed the cops hand resting on the door frame as he levered himself out of the car. His hand was full of a 9 mm pistol. The pistol was pointed directly at the driver's window (the pick-up truck driver's window).

The cop proceeded out of his car and toward the pick-up truck, hands clenched around the butt of his pistol and crouched with a slow slide-step.

I pulled a fast U-Turn and passed two mall security vehicles on my way toward the rear exit of the mall complex.

By the way, Welcome Back Diana!!


DD said...

I had to hug myself. I am familiar with that shaving horror, but usually mine is on my ankle or achilles and the pain...god the pain!

Diana said...

You just threw me off guard when I saw my little welcome there, thanks buddy, good to be back!

I'm with you and DD...Ouch!
and good idea pulling that U-turn, i would have been outta there so fast I would have left tire marks.

creative-type dad said...

I can't get passed the shaving pits thing...

Do you shave your legs too...!?

Hannah said...

My hubby shaves his too, for the same reason. Although he steals my shaving cream to do it. He says it's designed for pits. I think he just likes the scent of tropical grapefruit passion.

dennis said...

Tony: Nope. The legs are sacrosanct. However, there were a few times I wished I could have crashed the OSU swim team's coed shaving parties back in the day...

Hannah: hmmm...I'd drop the grapefruit and stick with Tropical Passion myself