Monday, August 13, 2007

Shocking Words On The Playground...

...and they were not uttered by boy.imp or girl.imp!

My younger sisters confided in my brother and myself tonight that our mother told the funniest joke a few years back. Now mom has a wonderful sense of humor, however there are times when she feels the need to remind us how twisted she can be:

Mom (pulling up shirt and pointing to her belly): Hey, do you want to see my mouse tattoo?
sisters: what?
mom: Do you want to see my mouse tattoo?
sisters: mouse tattoo? we don't see any mouse tattoo!
mom: (dropping her shirt) You don't? Oh. Then I guess my pussy ate it!

After recovering from this, I, briefly, ruminated on how my social skills seem to have stalled at around age 7. Because, I could have told a similar joke and it would have been:
a) Wrong Audience
b) Wrong Subject Matter
c) Wrong Social Setting

Example: Back when I was a Boy Scout, I was with a group of scouts camping in Philmont Scout Camp in New Mexico (in mixed company) and we were discussing the cons of Break Dancing. Many, many funny comments were made by both sexes and we were all relaxed and feeling pretty chummy when I observed:

'Yeah, well you definately would not want to do the 'Worm' while going down hill with a hard-on! Ha! Ha! Ha!....'

'What? Nobody gets it? The Worm! Downhill! With a--Where's everybody going? Come on! That was funny! The Worm! Downhill!'

Anyway, perhaps I'll go get me a mouse tattoo...

8 comments:

DD said...

It worked for your Mom because she applied a visual to her joke. Maybe next time you'll have to try that breakdancing joke and incorporate a visual. I know I would laugh.

Maria said...

Yup...you gotta show the stuff if you want them to get the joke, Dennis.

Jeesh.

Chaos Control said...

Somehow I don't think the mouse tattoo will work for you. Unless ...? Nah ...

James Burnett said...

You suck! Kidding. That was funny. The worm, downhill, hard-ons? Those are all dream words for the comedic kid. Together, they're explosive.

I never had the inappropriate joke problem as a kid. My problem was making too blunt "honest" observations to people like "Hmmm, you're fat!" or "Wow, your wife smell's like the 'juice' in my grandpa's special cabinet!"

Hannah said...

I thought it was funny. And hey, the comment in Friday's post that your spagetti tasted like foot? That was comic gold. Seriously.

dennis said...

DD: yes, but even with my self-confidence, I would be suspicious of what part of the visual you were laughing at...

maria: again, laughing at this particular visual (should it ever be self-performed) is not what might be considered good...

cc: I agree

james: I cannot begin to count the times I wished I had been afflicted with your curse...

hannah: seriously, it was all I could do to choke it down with wife.imp watching.

I mean, I have eaten plenty that walked, crawled, flew or swam...but nothing tasted like foot!

creative-type dad said...

That joke- man I was not expecting that.

dennis said...

Tony: neither were we...neither were we...