Saturday, October 13, 2007

I forgot the 'Code'

at a reading of the humorist David Sedaris, I forgot the 'Code' and embarrassed wife.imp. Yes, this is the 'Code' that is hardwired into women's DNA and so baffles us knuckle-draggers.

This is the 'Code' that women use during arguments that grants them perfect recall of the tiniest details of some ancient transgression that, at the time, barely blipped the radar but during the heat of the moment--total victory.

This is the 'Code' that allows complex and lengthy discussions to occur between women with the twitch of an eyebrow, a look, pursed lips or the way a woman curls her hair around her fingers.

wife.imp noticed a women wearing a mini-skirt and breathed the following comment into my ear:
You know, it's true what they say that a woman should not wear a mini-skirt past 40.
me (loudly): Oh, I don't know
wife.imp: no it's true
me (loudly): I mean look at Teri Hatcher. She's over 40 and can wear a mini-skirt

Wife.imp put several more inches of empty space between us at this comment. I was later to learn that there was a women who appeared to be over the age of 40 who was wearing a mini-skirt AND standing right next to us...

I did manage, however, to keep my mouth firmly shut as a woman in fishnet stockings in the row behind us managed to inform all present how proud she was that she could afford MEMBERSHIP to the local museum (so can about anyone living in our city) and then she spent 30 minutes going over the plot (badly recalling its high points) of the latest episode of 'The Office'.
I have to admit that I actually watched that episode and if it were anything like how she described the action, I would never watch another episode. Happily I can admit that the show was much, much better than her description (and I am not really a fan).

boy.imp: Mommy, am I Filipino?
wife.imp: yes, you are.
boy.imp: is Daddy brown?
wife.imp: no, daddy is not brown.
boy.imp: Then he's not my daddy...


MdG said...

I hope your mailman is not Filipino!

Hannah said...

that boy.imp is one sassy little twerp, isn't he?

i have often wondered what it is about men that makes them incapable of having an 'indoor voice'.

and your wife is right, anyone over 40 in a miniskirt is just too mutton dressed as lamb for me. teri hatcher doesn't count. she's an android.

dennis said...

mdg: Nope, he's pale like a sheet.

Hannah: that's because boy's do not have that naturally snarky gene. It is a learned (as in learned a little bit later in life but often ignored because it is not half as fun as being loud and proud) behavior.

Pageant Mom said...

I don't care WHO she is. No self respecting woman over 40 should wear a miniskirt.

They're so last year you know...

They should be wearing hot pants honey. Hot pants.


Maria said...

I just like the word Filipino. It is one of those words that sounds good when it furls off of your tongue.

I would much rather say I was of Filipino descent than what I am, which is Irish. Irish doesn't trill....

Filipino does. It is even more fun to type....

God, I really need to get to bed.

wayabetty said...

Yeah, same conversation I had with my 4 y/o the other day when he asked if my Mom was speaking Spanish when she was speaking Vietnamese to me! He thinks everyone speaks Spanish or Chinese! I told him that he's half Vietnamese and 1/2 Korean and he replied "I don't want to be Vietmese". The things they say!

Diana said...


And I don't think Teri Hatcher should be wearing half the stuff she wears, but that's just me.