Monday, January 29, 2007

Let's update the Three Wise Monkeys

It is time to make a stand. The 'Speak No Evil' Monkey has seen its time come and go. In our playground we have seen the rise of another wise Monkey.

It started in the the morning in our mouths, grew in the laundry and in our clothes and got stronger in the kitchen, but finally acheived full potency with boy.imp's diapers.

You know those times when bad odors compete for attention in the house.

Morning breath: Ok, we adults know we have it. And we deal. But just about the time the Good Lord put odors in the diapers he also decided that bad smells out of the other end would also be a neat trick!

First thing in the morning, our imps could knock a buzzard off of a shit wagon at 20 paces!

Laundry/body odor: Imps, daylight, the great outdoors. 'Nuff said.

Kitchen: There are the times when you go to cook dinner and are just browning the garlic ('aint nothing better in the kitchen than the smell of browned garlic -- unless it is freshly baked bread) and the imps start screaming because one of them looked cross-eyed at the other's toy...then by the time you get things settled, the garlic has burned and your spouse walks in the front door...

'Yuuuck! what is that smell. I could smell it in the driveway. It smells like someone is burning sewage...'

Cheers mate!

The spouse, wife.imp, who can smell burning food from 2.6 miles away, seems unable to smell a 'loaded diaper'. I have tried several tactics to test her disability. Burning food? She is on it!

Bad Breath? On it!
Body Odor? On it!
Bad smells in the laundry? On it!

BM in boy.imp's diaper? He can do anything short of taking it off and shaking the contents out at her feet and she cannot smell a thing! and I have TRIED to out last her...

I can be gasping my way down our stairs and see b.imp sitting on w.imp's lap, at her feet playing or just running in circles and she looks as if nothing were amiss. Plants are wilting at her elbows, tears are forming in my eyes and girl.imp is trying to shove her nose into her armpits and ....Nothing!

Except that boy.imp now has a diaper rash...

I have seen the light! I am now converted and am now a fulltime supporter of shaking up the accepted tradition of the Wise Monkeys! I fully support and am instigating the campaign to speed the rise of the newest Wise Monkey. The 'Smell No Evil' Monkey.

Yes, dear readers, here at the playground we have risen up and deposed Iwazaru. We are now ruled by the wise insights of:

'See No Evil', 'Hear No Evil', and

'Smell No Evil'.

Monkey photo originially posted at:


Pageant Mom said...

That's so funny!!! Lord knows I needed a good laugh!! My husband has selective smelling too - and I'm totally convinced that he AND my son actually ENJOY the smell of their odorifous offerings (thank goodness for automatic car windows...)

Waya said...

That's hilarious! Even if we tried to have selective smelling, my daughter's explosive poops are so deadly that you can smell it from 2 rooms away. Man, what are we feeding her?!

dennis said...

Betty: whatever it is that she is have my permission not to ship any here to us! :)

Anonymous said...

I always thought it was the man who pretended they couldn't smell a thing. lol

~high five to the mrs.~

Anonymous said...

My husband seems to have this olafactory malfunction when it comes to poopy (aka DEADLY) diapers.
We should get them to a specialist ASAP!

Mama G said...

Did you ever play that game when you were a kid? You know, the one where you and your friend stare at each other in the eyes - sitting about a foot and a half from each other? And the first one to blink loses?

You blinked!!

dennis said...

diana: at this time, i try not to mention visits to specialists...we are still trying to put the ugliness of disarming my little soldiers behind us...

mama g: blinked, did the old 'double take' and then tried to breath through the corners of my eyeballs...