Monday, January 15, 2007

My secret weapon is #2

Girl.imp went for her first martial arts (Modern Arnis) lesson and really seemed to enjoy it. But if she were to quit now, I would not have any fear of her future safety.

g.imp: Daddy? That smell--I tootied!!
me: (gagging) do you have to use the bathroom?
g.imp: nope! I just tootied!
g.imp: (evil grin) I just tootied again!
me: (looking around at the near empty room - where are the crowds of parents when you neeeeeeed them?) Just go to the bathroom!
g.imp: Ok!

Later during g.imp's class:

me: boy.imp! Did you just...? Do you need your diaper changed?

b.imp: (grabbing is diaper and backing away) No! I'm a big boy now!
me: Right. (again, why is the room nearly empty when you really really want to blame the smell on somebody else's imp?) It smells like a rotting, skunk carcass crawled out of your...Let's go change your diaper...

That's right folks! There is no fear from the baddies in the big cities. Muggers, thieves, killers--Come get yourself some of this! IF you think you can handle the smell!!


Anonymous said...

That was too funny...but unfortunately very true.

Anonymous said...

The worse kind of all, SBD! Silent but deadly!!

Anonymous said...

Tootied? That's so cute!

Anonymous said...

If any criminals come around, just point their butt in the direction of crime.

I think you've got some new superhero power....

Anonymous said...

I use to pretend they weren't my kids and walk away.

Ok, so we might be looking at therapy down the road, but it worked well at the time.

Anonymous said...

EWWWW! Dennis, you are making me rush to light my Yankee candles. I can't get those stinky images out of my head now...HAHA.