Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Dear College Football Coach,

I realize that recruiting for major Division 1-A players is a difficult process and that coaches are scouting athletes of younger and younger age groups. In order to take some pressure off of your 2023 recruiting class, I would like to direct your attention to my imp.

I know that he is not yet 3 years old and might not have the height of the prototypical Division 1-A quarterback but based on how he was zipping his plastic football across our living room last night, I believe he has the requisite arm strength.

While you might argue that you have received enough verbal commitments for this class and cannot offer another scholarship at the quarterback position, this is not a problem. My imp is versatile and can play many positions. Along with having the arm strength to compete as a quarterback, my imp also has the mentality and toughness to be a big name Linebacker. During our session of toss and catch, my imp showed that he was not afraid to take on larger players in order to go after the ball, delivering several forearm blows to my trachea in the process.

Another strength my imp possess is an unnatural reserves of energy. His ability to wake early and spend the entire day running up the stairs and down the stairs and around the house, without the need for a nap or a bedtime before 12 a.m. are clear indicators that he will be able endure the rigorous and competive schedule of Division 1-A football with the energy to compete well into the fourth quarter of your games.

Thank you for your possible future interest and we will look forward to our campus visit in 15 years.


Sincerely,

Father of the Heisman 2026

4 comments:

MrsFortune said...

Haha ... well, is he (or are you) partial to gifts of gigantic SUVs, free rent, lots of anonymous benefactors throwing money his way? Cuz if so I think he'll fit right in with them Division 1-A types. As long as he doesn't end up at a basketball school.

dennis said...

You forgot gold chains, ear-rings, tattoos, cell phones, dvd players...

No, I don't see how I could handle all of that!

Basketball will probably not be his forte (unless he goes back to RPI and plays overseas), however we would not be adverse to seeing him in major league baseball. Good left-handed pitchers are kept around as long as they can stand upright!!

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

gold-chains, ear-rings, tattoos...rap star?

Carla said...

hee hee, very funny! Had to read that one outloud to my husband.