Wednesday, November 29, 2006

I am sooooo ashamed!

Imagine wife.imp suggested that she would not mind a snack (late nite) and continues to ponder the subject, finally deciding on popcorn. Even though I was not (apparently) one of the snack items considered, I trotted out to la cocina and tossed a packet of popcorn in the microwave.

Ok, I need to digress here. Yes, I have been cooking since the tender age of 12. I started cooking popcorn in a pot on the stove. I do know what a microwave is....

I knew I was in trouble when:
1- after starting the microwave I started pouring soda in a glass and decided I need not rush the process as the timer was still showing 61/2 minutes.

2- I finished pouring the soda and realized there was less noise in the kitchen than what one usually associates with popcorn popping.

3- After the timer beeped and there were no sounds, no smells of cooked or burnt corn kernels, I realized what happened. Instead of pressing the 'popcorn' preset button on the blamed machine, I actually told it to defrost 11/2 pounds of ground beef!!

I believe this actually ties (for total amount of stupidity) the time (I was 14) when I was making a Lemon Meringue pie from scratch and discovered we did not have one graham cracker in the house. However we did have a full, unopened box of Ritz All-Purpose Crackers...

So what are your food faux pas?


Jenny said...

Ha! Love it!

I started a fire in the kitchen. Apparently when you buy a new stove they leave paper instructions inside it.

Who knew?

Anonymous said...

I eat way too much! Does that count?

Anonymous said...

I tried microwaving popcorn one time and didn't place the bag with the right side up. Surprisingly, that matters!

I boiled some baby bottle stuff so much one time that the water boiled out and I melted the stuff.

Not enough water in the pot will crack the hard-boiled eggs quite well when it gets going.

Diana said...

I once melted two of my son's bottles onto the top of the stove. I didn't realize I had left the oven on making dinner, and I was preparing his bottles for the next day...two beautifully designed bottles (gifted from Puerto Rico)turned to mush.

Waya said...

Imagine my family's horror when it was time to eat and the rice was sitting in the rice cooker uncooked, with the water and everything. Instead of pressing the "cook" button on the rice cooker, I pressed "keep warm" instead. So needless to say, I had a very hungry bunch by the time rice was finally cooked.

dennis said...

Jenny - ay yi yi yi!!

Carla - depending on what you eat...Too much celery is not going to cause that much concern!

kc: did you know that if you let all the water boil out of the pot and left the eggs on the heat then they not only crack they explode!!

diana: that is a sad story

betty: Hey! I did that too!

Anonymous said...

Food Faux Pas....Food Fiascos...I have done them all. I am notorious for being a serious klutz in the kitchen. Sad, but oh so very true.
My best story might be the time we were having a big Halloween party. I had a huge tray of deviled eggs, and wanted to add a little sprinkle of paprika to spice them up and make them pretty. Unfortunately, my paprika had been infested with....dare I say it?...BUGS! EWWW! At least we caught it before anyone ate any of the eggs, but NOT before I suffered grave and serious embarrassment. Oh well....I store paprika in the fridge now. Apparently it is a fairly common thing for bugs to get into it. Gross stuff!

sweatpantsmom said...

I recently put my brand-new wood cutting board on a lit burner. Sweet!

My favorite story is one of my mom's, when she was making a cake as a young girl and used SOAP POWDER instead of flour by accident. She swears she saw bubbles coming out of my grandmother's mouth.

Pageant Mom said...

I have too many food stories to count LOL - understand, now, that I have a note from the fire department that says I get out of cooking or else, and if my husband didn't cook we'd all starve!!!

When we first got married, my husband expected me to be little miss domesticated. However, the fact that I only owned 1 pot, 1 spoon, a bowl, and a microwave and lived on frozen peas and toast when he met me should have been a small clue...

But being the good sport I am, I decided to try a few things. Well, what the heck? Why not a cheesecake? I happen to really LIKE cheesecake! Well, the instructions stated to use a "springform pan" which at the time I was utterly clueless as to the, what the hell, I've got a PIE plate - it'll do... well, I had that puppy just up to the top with the cheesecake preparation and I put it in the oven - mmmmmm!!! can't wait!

tick tock tick tock (yummy smell)
tick tock tick tock (funny smell) tick tock tick tock (burning smell)
tick tock tick tock (burning sizzling smell!!!)
tick tock tick tock (FIRE ALARM!!!)

Does the phrase "nuclear mushroom" mean anything? The cheesecake literally exploded in my oven. I'm not really even sure if we ever got it all out... probably somewhere someone has rented an apartment and looked in the oven and said "what on earth...."

But I DO make a mean pan of popcorn on the stovetop (I am soooo high maintenance I know...)