Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Something has been bothering me for some time...I have not made fun of any politicians or politics in general recently

When I was a reporter we loved to make fun of politicians, behind their backs of course. Or in front of their faces if they made us cover a banquet at which we, the working press, were not offered a plate!

If you think any press (including bad press) is good press for a politician, try stiffing the media at a banquet! (am I right or am I right, James?)

anyway, I got this in my email from a relative:

Political Science for Dummies:

DEMOCRATIC
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.

CORPORATIONS:


AMERICAN
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cowand produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN
You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to findalternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

3 comments:

Mama of 2 said...

Here they come...your interview questions that is.

1. In a prodominately mommyblog filled world what drove you to start blogging?

2. What's the most important thing you have learned from your children so far?

3. If you and your wife could switch places for a day, would you and why?

4. What qualities do you think make you a good dad?

5. If you won the lottery do you think it would change your moral center?

Be sure to add this at the end of your questions so that people that read your blog can ask you to interview them.

So to anyone that is interested, I'll interview YOU! Here's what you do:
1. *Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." *
2. *I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the
questions. *
3. *You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions. *
4. *You will include this explanation and an offer to interview
someone else in the same post. *
5. *When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them
five questions.*

Chaos Control said...

I needed that laugh! Thanks!

I once went on a small vacation with a girlfriend. We live in California, and we were gone visiting friends in New Orleans. When we got off the plane, our husbands were standing there to greet us not with flowers and candy, as is customary. They had cheese. Real California Cheese. Tee, hee!

Rebecca said...

HAHAHAHA! I think I want to be French, though.