girl.imp: 'daddy, my vagina is sore and as red as a cherry.'
girl.imp: It stings when I pee. It really hurts.
me: oh, thank you Lord. It's only a rash!
Yep, my 6-year-old imp has a rash and I am jumping for joy. Anybody want to take bets on whether or not I'm an alcoholic by puberty and a babbling, bedridden, fool by high school??
The 'good' news is that g.imp offered wife.imp the exact same news as she entered the house, late and tired, from work.
This episode followed the near-dinner debacle.
After whipping together bbq rib tips, smashed potatoes, steamed-green beans and cornbread (yes, I am that good) I hollered for the imps to 'come an' get it!' Boy.imp came screaming up the stairs and even volunteered to say the prayers. We do have a good, little boy.imp.
Girl.imp was nowhere to be seen. After completing my meal, I peaked down at the t.v. room, on the off chance she had fallen asleep. Nope! Transfixed by the Disney Channel.
me: So...not hungry?
girl.imp:'---' (blank stare then a brilliant smile. "Haha daddy. I just watched another episode of ?? and you did not even know!)
me: ...Cause we're almost done with dinner and since you're not hungry I am about to put the food away.
g.imp: '----' (smile is now gone, waterworks erupt...with quadrophonic sound!)
me: ....of course, boy.imp is still eating and if you were to start before he finishes eating...
g.imp: (quadrophonic sound moves upstairs)
me: ...no, I put the food on the table hot. B.imp came when I called. In fact, I called 2x's and b.imp hollered for you 2x's...Want some cornbread?