Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Another Innocent Phrase that Sent the Imps' Daddy into Hyper-Shock


girl.imp: 'daddy, my vagina is sore and as red as a cherry.'
me: '---'
girl.imp: It stings when I pee. It really hurts.
me: oh, thank you Lord. It's only a rash!

Yep, my 6-year-old imp has a rash and I am jumping for joy. Anybody want to take bets on whether or not I'm an alcoholic by puberty and a babbling, bedridden, fool by high school??

The 'good' news is that g.imp offered wife.imp the exact same news as she entered the house, late and tired, from work.


This episode followed the near-dinner debacle.

After whipping together bbq rib tips, smashed potatoes, steamed-green beans and cornbread (yes, I am that good) I hollered for the imps to 'come an' get it!' Boy.imp came screaming up the stairs and even volunteered to say the prayers. We do have a good, little boy.imp.

Girl.imp was nowhere to be seen. After completing my meal, I peaked down at the t.v. room, on the off chance she had fallen asleep. Nope! Transfixed by the Disney Channel.

me: So...not hungry?
girl.imp:'---' (blank stare then a brilliant smile. "Haha daddy. I just watched another episode of ?? and you did not even know!)
me: ...Cause we're almost done with dinner and since you're not hungry I am about to put the food away.
g.imp: '----' (smile is now gone, waterworks erupt...with quadrophonic sound!)
me: ....of course, boy.imp is still eating and if you were to start before he finishes eating...
g.imp: (quadrophonic sound moves upstairs)
me: ...no, I put the food on the table hot. B.imp came when I called. In fact, I called 2x's and b.imp hollered for you 2x's...Want some cornbread?

12 comments:

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

If my daughter told me that, I'd tell her my vagina hurts too.

And to go tell mommy.

Waya said...

OMG! Do I really have to hear THAT word so early in the morning? I'm so not looking forward to having any kind of bodily conversations with my children.

And cornbread? Yummy in my tummy, that's my favorite. You are that good, huh?!

dennis said...

Waya: I am so good that your socks would beg to jump off your feet so as to save you the trouble of having them knocked off! :)

dennis said...

Tony: I did not have to heed your advice, g.imp yelled that at mommy (windows open and all) as soon as wife.imp walked in the front door. So, if any of our neighbor's were out and about, they now also know about g.imp's condition!

Mama of 2 said...

Hey Dennis...my hubby will be joining you belly up to the bar as Girlie girlie approaches her teen years. He's already told me how much he is NOT looking forward to those.

Glad we have at least 12 years before my husband becomes a drunk. LOL!

Carla/blog-o-licious said...

That is a phrase I DON'T want to hear from 16 sweet step daughter. Augh!

Diana said...

LOL! I don't go announcing that my 'gina hurts, even after giving birth. Your g.imp isn't shy, eh? Too funny. Now if my son ever comes to me to tell me his penis hurts, I'll be glad to shove that problem to my dear dear hubby.

Diana said...

oh, and bbq rib tips...drool! I love me some rib tips...

radioactive girl said...

My kids are not too shy with telling me all their private thoughts either. My 8 year old is starting to "get" that some things are sort of private,but the rest of my kids would have screamed it out too.

dennis said...

Tony: Thing is about mommies (and it may be just my wife.imp) they don't seem to be as willing to offer comfort for our ailments as opposed to the imps' ailments.

waya: Admit it. You loved this one! Where else can you go first thing in the a.m. and enjoy reading about cornbread and vaginas?

Mo2: You sure that your hubby doesn't have a flask tucked away in the garage? Behind the workbench where I keep...ummm, at least you have 12 more years! LOL

Carla: If your 16-year-old is sharing that info with you...Congratulations!! Most teens are not that open with the parental imps. AND my condolences...

Diana: It should be assumed that everything hurt after the birth. If it didn't...

If you like rib tips, wait until you hear about my turkey stuffing!!

RG: Wanna trade girl.imps for 2-3 years???

mothergoosemouse said...

I knew Jenny wouldn't comment on this one. She hates that word.

Personally, I'm impressed by the simile. Creative little g.imp, isn't she?

dennis said...

mgm: yes, the simile was impressive and scary on many levels.