Sunday, April 22, 2007

5 More things

boy.imp: Mommy, why are your eyes cracked?

wife.imp fielded this question during brunch this a.m. Until this morning, she had convinced herself that she did not actually have laugh lines (re: crows feet).

Later that day:
w.imp to b.imp: Hey! What are you...No touching my chest!...And he was not just touching it, dad. He was jiggling it!

That's my boy!

So what were 5 most memorable quotes to leave your lips:
(Some of these you might remember if you have been reading this blog.)

5: "'Capitol City' is an hour that way. If you get lost, and you shouldn't, I-270 is the outerbelt around the city and High Street cuts through the city north and south and Broad Street cuts through the city east and west. I'll see you tonight."

This might not have been so bad but put into context this is what I told wife.imp 2 weeks after she arrived 'in-country' to marry me. We were living in my parents house and she needed to find a job. I was working for the local daily and had to rush off to work and she, knowing we were moving to the 'big city' as soon as possible, was job hunting. This would also be her first time in this particular city by herself.

She actually did not catch the next flight out and stayed around for the wedding!!

4. "Come on guys, let's keep it quiet. Our parents don't want to wake up first thing in the morning to us fighting!"

I was probably 14 and the family was camping with another family and we kids had been up early. So early that the inevitable fight was just starting to break out and we still had not had breakfast. All I can say is that the mom of the other family was gearing herself up to break up the fight when I piped up.

I could do no wrong that day...

3. "So, (insert girl's name) when are you going to take me to a dinner and a movie?"

Oddly enough this was the most effective pick-up line I ever used. When nothing else would work, I'd whip this out and eventually was able to bring up the subject of whipping something else out...

2. "Price-check on register 1! Price-check on register 1!"

Yes, I once worked for Kroger's. I once embarrassed this hot, college babe one night because she came through the line with a giant-mega box of tampons that just would not scan. I tried 7 or 8 times to get the thing to scan before grabbing the box and waving it in the air demanding the price check.

I'd like to state here and now that I got both the price and a very nice date...

1. "That has got to be the ugliest baby I have ever seen."

Yes, I did actually say this. I was at my then-girlfriend's house. Her parents, siblings (including sister-in-law and said baby's mother) were all present and accounted for. To this day then-girlfriend's mom has not forgiven me. Her sis-in-law still laughs. The baby is getting married or might be already married this year.


Maria said...

Wow. You were a perfect little Eddie Haskell, weren't you? Sly dog.

And how in the hell did you manage to get a date after you humiliated a sweet young woman buying tampons? All I have to say is that bad karma is a-comin, mister.

One day, you will be at the store buying tampons for your wife and the same thing will happen, except it will go a step further. The guy,no..wait...the nubile young sexy female cashier will not only yet out for a price check but announce that they are the special "double scented" ones....

Maria said...

Oh...and that they are for "super heavy flow days".....!!!