Monday, April 16, 2007

Just WHAT were you thinking, dennis?

Yes, this might be one of those moments where I might have been better off turning up the radio and not answering the question...

We were on our way to martial arts and girl.imp was in her mode of wanting to ask and ask and ask questions (meanwhile Twisted Sister, Foreigner, and AC/DC were playing on the radion and I was starting to feel mellow).

g.imp: daddy, what part of your body has the most nerves?
me: hmmm?
g.imp: what part of your body has the most nerves?
me: (laughter)

Not the belly laughter that happens when I run across an old Abbott and Costello recording. No this is the near insane laughter that happens when you are trapped in a moving vehicle with a kid who asks a question and the first thought in your mind is to answer 'gee honey, that would be my penis.'

Yes, I thought penis, the brain center, the obvious answer, except that I did not want to utter this sentence out loud. Not with wife.imp's 19-year-old niece sitting next to me and not with g.imp being only 7-years-old. (However since I started laughing, niece.imp started laughing and I kept laughing and n.imp kept laughing...)

I actually said 'your eye has the most nerves'. I lied. It is the penis. I know this because when I was 10sh and my little brother was 9sh and he reaaaaaally reaaaaaaally started to annoy me, that is where I kicked little brother (while wearing cowboy boots). I nailed little bro's 'nads about 11 a.m, and I was aiming for the uprights! He did not make it out of bed for dinner.

Proof positive of where the nerves are located.

Bedtime for boy.imp:
He was told to put his cars away. Those parents out there know when the imp gets that certain look, the set jaw, the glinting eyes and the 1,000 yard stare, that Peace-In-The-Household just packed its bags and went on an extended vacation.

Yep, he started throwing the toys. I chastised him and got The Stare. Then b.imp turned back to the toy box and launched another toy car. I gave serious thought about sending Restraint on the same vacation Peace-In-The-Household just left us for. However, b.imp is a lefty aaaaand he was putting some serious heat on the delivery.

Punish him for 'showing me up' or start planning on contacting pro scouts when he enters high school?

A lefty. A lefty with what looks like could be a really really sweet delivery...

I rolled another car to him, 'Here don't forget this one...'

Since her arrival, we have been foisting our favorite programming off on n.imp. You have read the posts (yes, I'm talking to you Maria) and you have seen the torture: 'Dr. Who', 'Voltes V', Cincinnati Reds' baseball, and if she shows herself tonight? CNN's 'Whitehouse Correspondents Dinner - The Clinton Years'.


Pageant Mom said...

oh-kay... I'm pretty sure my husband would agree with you on the nerves location subject...

Ah a budding lil' bball player?? I'm thinking pitcher :o)

wayabetty said...

Thanks for the anatomy lesson Dennis! I did not know that! Maybe I should test it out on the hubbie. We don't need another kid after this 4th one.

dennis said...

pageant mom: I would like to think pitcher too. however I am thinking reliever over starter...possibly more $$ in the long run!

betty: if you do test, be sure to use pointy-toed cowboy boots. my brother can attest to the effectiveness...

Mommy de Gallo said...

Be careful you're never on the receiving end of one of those trucks. Sarge was playing catch with Piko the other day, got distracted, and caught a football in the adam's apple. Ouch.

Maria said...

Since you opened the path to the penis, I have one question:

What the hell are blue balls and why are they called that? I had a boyfriend in high school who SWORE that making out with me in his parent's car was sheer torture because I was not open to the idea of (let's see...need to find some cowpoke prairie man way of saying this)...letting the horse come out of the barn door and do some business in my pasture.

He SWORE that I was hurting him. As you know, I don't deal with man parts much and you have all those nerves up close and personal in's up with the blue balls?

I think it deserves a blog post, Dennis. Truly. Or maybe Mrs. Imp could field it?

dennis said...

wife.imp? care to field Maria's blue ball question?

Personally her boyfriend was full of chicken fertilizer. The only thing that happens by not letting the horse out of the barn into the pasture is that you do not get a 'rep' for being easy and he gets to look forward to the future. 'Course if I was in position he was in, single with apparently no sex life, then my answer would be different.