Dad Mourns not Having the Hernia, Lenten Sacrifices, Boy.Imp's Nature Phobia

I was sitting on the 'Thinking Throne' earlier this a.m. and felt a sharp pain in my groin when I went to stand up and make myself presentable for public viewing. That I might have a hernia was the first thought. How did I get said hernia was thought two (blogging to the world about it and when it was 'discovered' was thought three. I know. I know. Blogging about it should have been thought one!)

So how does one probe the tender area and describe it in a way that is not pornographic? I can't. So let's move on to possible causes.
1)I worked too hard while reclining on the Thinking Throne
2)I really earned my keep last night after the imps were asleep

I would feel the need to give an opinion on these options but as I sit here typing all pain is gone. Much like calling the repair man to fix a 'broken' appliance, everything is in working order when you invite 'public' scrutiny.

So is it wrong to be sad about missing out on having a hernia? Think of the possibilities, the stories I could associate with how I was 'injured'! It could have been a Sports Hernia! I could have been injured in a real manly, sports-related activity. Like backyard football, basketball at the Y, Caber Tossing, perhaps I slipped a little on the Rock Climbing Wall..?

Anyway Lent is here. While driving girl.imp to school, I discussed the need to sacrifice (give up something she enjoys). I suggested candy and/or sweets. She suggested:

• Television: I gave it the nanosecond of thought that it deserved. I do not believe that she could truly give t.v. up for one day, much less 40 days. And I cannot remember a passage in the Bible that tells us Torture is valid and enviable part of the Sacrifice.
• Karaoke: I reminded her that this was something that would be a sacrifice for her to give up. Not using the Karaoke machine for 40 days (her current time schedule of use anyway) did not quite make the grade.
• Reading: Ok, this she could have done and packed in more t.v. into the gap in her daily activities However, I am not willing to make that sacrifice for her.
• Talking: I believe that a related topic (not talking to your parents) will be visited upon this household in the near future (re: Tween through Teen years) so I roundly vetoed this option.

I think (but am not positive) we settled on no candy.

So boy.imp was whining and complaining when I got home. This sounds so tame--whining and complaining. For those of you without children, think of the noise, the aggrevation level as the noise of a jet engine just before takeoff. The slow build-up of the whine of the motors until they reach that roaring scream as the plane is flung skyward.

Now take that sound, the soundwaves and loop them continuously on a sub-harmonic level starting at the base of your spine and rolling upward until it leaks out of your mouth:

imps: whine.whine.whinecomplain.Whine.COMplain.WHINE.WHINE.COMPLAIN.COMPLAIN.WHINE.COMPLAIN.WHINEWHINEWHINE
Parents: what dear? I'm sorry..? What did you say? I can't hear...Listen, I cannot.understand.what.you.are.saying.when.you.whine.like.that! What? I.CANNOT...OH.FOR.CRYING.OUT.LOUD!! WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.YOU????

Today I walked in somewhere between, 'What did you say?' and 'OH.FOR.CRYING.OUT.LOUD!!'

Turns out there was a bug on the wall that was freaking boy.imp out...