Sunday, February 25, 2007

Hip Hop Mass and That Smell Just Lingers

Girl.Imp is enrolled in a local Catholic School. Yes, the White Devil is trying to brain-wash his imps.

So, along with the standard 3 R's, g.imp needs to prove she knows a little about the Faith. To that end, there are occassional verbal quizzes.

Q: What does it mean to put your hands in Orans Position??
(No, this is not a position from the Kama Sutra! Orans means to place the elbows to the side with hands raised with palms out)
girl.imp: Raise the roof baby! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
(elbows by her ears, palms above head facing the ceiling--pumping arms up and down)

Somehow I do not see the Pope 'goin' street' and incorporating this gesture into the Mass...

Sooo boy.imp has a new tradition. If you are eating breakfast now--stop.
We have a nightly ruckus around his bedtime, which is loosely between 8:30 and Midnight, give or take 20-30 minutes.

So after we brush the teeth, read the story, hug and kiss 8-9 times (his choice), find socks for his feet because only real men wear socks to bed, get him that glass water because his whining has left his throat dry, we head to the t.v. room to unwind infront of the Educational Death Ray.

15 minutes later we hear the cry:
g.imp: ewwwwwwwwe

the patter of slow footsteps

b.imp: mommy? daddy?
me: What?
b.imp: My diaper needs changed!
me: come here (please let him have only peed! Please, oh please, oh please!)

Nope. Bimp's arrival is preceded by an odor only Mike Rowe (of Dirty Jobs) could love.
Does wife.imp notice?

Nope. Not until the diaper has been changed and disposed. Then she looks up and wrinkles her nose (lightning reflexes there!) and usually says something like:

wife.imp: I'm hungry. Should I have (can you get me?) popcorn?

Oh, I almost forgot the 'Matt Damon Factor' to increase my blog presence


Mommy de Gallo said...

Go wife! She's subtle like that. I usually yell, "DO I LOOK LIKE THE ONLY ADULT HERE WITH ARMS AND LEGS WHO CAN HELP YOU?!?!!!" Of course I don't feel very adult after that. And I usually have to get up anyway because "Daddy's doing it wrong!"


dennis said...

MdG: I think I have worked blog magic by throwing the Pope together with Matt Damon and poo!

(really, i'm not crushing on Matt Damon. Not even a healthy Man Crush. But 4 hits in one week with Matt as the search subject. One cannot ignore that!!)

Pageant Mom said...

I have a friend who once summed up the difference between men and women as follows (oh, and he happened to be male btw)

The difference between men and women is that a guy will take a sandwich into the john, do his business, and if he hasn't finished his sandwich, offer you a bite when he comes out. (the obvious difference being that a women, would not) that I think about it, maybe I should get some new friends...

(To the wife: You Go Girl!!!)

creative-type dad said...

raise the roof! That's funny..

Diana said...

i need to be more like your wife. We seem to have a competition on who can ignore the smell longer...someday the kid will tire of this and change his own diaper.

wayabetty said...

Yeah, hubbie has this selective smelling/hearing down pact!!

Raise the roof babe!!

James Burnett said...

I'm never eating popcorn again.

dennis said...

pageant mom: wife.imp was just telling me the other day that she thought everyone must hate her...

Remind me never to accept a sandwich from any of your friends.

tony: that actually made our night. no too sure she should repeat while in school...

betty: can your husband give me lessons

james: it was the extra-butter movie style popcorn! :)
diana: ewwwwwwwwwe