Monday, March 05, 2007

Inane Ramblings from the Playground

So I'm in the shower the other day staring at the shadow between my feet wondering why we hear things like, 'You'll grow hair on your palms' or 'You'll go blind' or 'Ewwwwwwwe' or the chorus to 'I'm turning Japanese' when discussing masturbation and male imps.

But when we think masturbation and female imps, things like 'Girls Gone Wild', 'Pay Per View' and the chorus of 'I'm Turning Japanese' leap to mind.

Then I thought about passing a 10lb. bowling ball and decided I'd spent enough time in the shower.

Yep, thanks to the blogging world, I realize that this talk, among other things is rolling down the boulevarde toward the Playground, and I will not be able to avoid it.

Yeah me....

At this time I do have to admit boy.imp is beginning to freak me out a little. While having his diaper changed he has taken to grabbing his feet and pulling his ankles up past his ears. Honestly this is not the image I need at any time during the day.

However the image is secondary to the fact that IF I was ever drunk/stupid (never been drunk but I've been plenty stupid) to try that same maneuver, the sound of popping cartilage and tearing of muscles would precede the screams by nanoseconds.

Another shower story
Girl.imp loves to shower with b.imp. She enjoys washing boy.imp 'down there'. Not because of a sexual gratification, but because he is different and, at this age, different is hilarious. She has also figured out that Daddy is also 'different' (and if you're still reading this, then so have you). So, when daddy is in the shower, g.imp likes to find reasons to be in the bathroom at the same time, reasons that center around her 'bladder'.

While relieving the stress she likes to do things like slowly pull back the shower curtain or just simply grab it and try to yank. But thanks to the death grip I inevitably have on said shower curtain all that happens is she gets to complain.

g.imp: awww man! Daddy when are you going to let go of the shower curtain?
me: when you or mommy pry it from my cold, dead fingers.

I really do need to fix the lock/latch on the bathroom door. But, because this house is sooooo old, this would entail removing the door frame, several feet of Pergo Flooring from the hallway, the trim around the floor and door and reinstalling a new frame/door, trim and the old flooring.

Honestly I am waiting until she decides on which college to attend and moves out.


Pageant Mom said...

You know the fascination never goes away, the reasons just change ;o)!!

However, I have to admit that BOTH kids in my family (1 of each gender) have picked up the habit of laying to watch tv with their hands down their pants (they got it from their DAD!!)

It just drives me nuts. Fortunately it's a short trip LOL

DD said...

I would invest in a chain lock installed high on the door.

I totally understand your concern. My son has found something on his penis, which is so small that he forces it right into my face. Still, what can you do?

Mama of 2 said...

It must be a girl thing.
Girlie Girlie does that (the yanking thing) to bother her big brother and she attempts it with daddy. She's fascinated by the differences too.

I agree put a change on the door.

Diana said...

*gasp*'re different???

Yep, chain. One of those cheap-o ones that you get at the hardware store will do, it'll keep the door shut.

The acrobatics during diaper changes are always interesting aren't they???

Christina_the_wench said...

Even at her young age, you men confuse us.

Ditto on the feet over the head cartilege tearing thing. Those days are longggg gone.

creative-type dad said...

Dude, I would be breaking out the power tools and rig up some uninvented masterpiece to keep that bathroom door shut.