Monday, March 19, 2007

This is for Betty. Hope it Brings a Smile. III

Sorry Betty, but I had three topics and was just too dang lazy to change the title. BUT after today, I am off, flying in new directions!!

One of the earliest lessons of my childhood is one that parents everywhere try to drill into their children's heads. Go to the bathroom before getting into the car for a trip. Can you guess how this lesson finally sank in?

So this brings us to:
The Day I was left behind and STILL did not get any Ice Cream - Dammit!

There were 4 of us back then. Baby sis (literally a baby) and myself and the two boy sibs. It was a warm, summer, Saturday afternoon and dad was inexplicably not busy tinkering with anything. Being that the last thing he ever wanted to do was stay in the house (re: cooped up with 3 boys hyped on boredom and one new baby) dad suggested a trip to the park.

While everyone was concerned with getting shoes on etc...I bolted to the bathroom. Yep, no surprises for me this trip. I was soooo going to enjoy sitting in the car...The car that was backing out of the driveway.

Hey! Mom! Dad! Hey! Wait for me! Hey!
(I was pounding on the window of the 2nd floor bathroom pleading with dad to stop the car and, well for the flow to stop)

I think it took less than two seconds from when I left the bathroom to exit through the front door, leap off of the porch and sprint across the front lawn into the road!

Yes you read this right I sprinted into the road, then down the middle of the road, waving my arms, screaming my fool head off, watching my brothers (seated in the rear facing seat of the station wagon) waving their arms in the air at me, watching the car and my family fade into the distance.

Damn!

I must have stood in the center of that street for a dogs age, staring at...well staring at nothing really. Finally I had to go back home. At least the front door was unlocked and I would not be forced to wait on the porch.

"hey, dennis" (it was the neighbor across the road. Mr. Gould. he and his wife were retirees, they were pretty funny folks, they had grandchildren and a freezer full of ice cream. Mrs. Gould practically never allowed Mr. Gould to give us any ice cream bars. He had to sneak them out of the house if he wanted to give us any)
me: (I think I just looked up and started crying, sobbing, wailing...the works)
mr. gould: You didn't catch them then. I saw you running, but I thought your daddy would not hear you.
me: they left me! we were going to the park and they left me! (continue crying)
mr. gould: you have any idea how long they might be gone?
me: all daaaaay!!!

Mr. Gould tried for several minutes to cheer me up, telling me funny stories (well not funny then), trying to reassure me that my parents still loved me before he found the secret to stopping a desolate, forgotten boy's pain.

mr. gould: would you like an ice cream bar?
me: (sniffle, sniffle) uh huh (sniffle sniffle)
mr. gould: I think mrs. gould is out hanging her laundry, if you promise not to tell I'll go get us an ice cream.
me: (sniffle, sniffle) uh huh (sniffle sniffle)

mrs. gould: ...where do you think you are going with that ice cream?
mr. gould: ...and his family drove off and left him
mrs. gould: (stomping around the house and seeing me) it's true then? your mom and dad drove off and left you? they're not at home?
me: uh huh...huh uh
mrs. gould: (to her husband) well you can just wait a minute. They're bound to see that they don't have all the children and come back. You know that I don't want you to give our ice cream away to everyone in the neighborhood!
mr. gould: but--
mrs. gould: just wait!

several minutes went by...NO parents!

mrs. gould: ok, i guess he can have an ice cream.
me: Thank you!
mr. gould: alright. I'll just go get you one.

When Mr. Gould reappeared, I was probably the happiest kid on the street. I was getting ice cream from the Goulds!!

Honk! Honk!

"Hey Dennis! Ready to go to the park?"

Right then! Right effin' then! Dad and fam drove up. Mr. Gould was in the process of taking the final two steps to reach me and hand me the ice cream.

Mrs. Gould: (to mr. gould) ok then, you can put the ice cream away.

Effen! Effity Eff Eff!!

I started to hate that damn park!

End Note:
Dad and mom told me that they did not realize I was not with them until they reached the park, after stopping for gas on the way. It seems that my dear brothers were too busy laughing to inform the parentals that I was missing.

Dad did claim that he looked in the rear view to count heads as they pulled down the road but all he heard was screaming and could only see arms and hands waiving everywhere, and so assumed everybody was in the car. Mom was busy with the baby.

7 comments:

wayabetty said...

DENNIS!! You can make me smile, snort coffee out of my nose any time!! I'm rolling on the floor holding my big fat belly laughing!! Thanks for the story. I DO feel so much better.

Can I just say I love your parents!!

dennis said...

betty,
thank you. you know to this day I have never forgiven mom and dad for coming home 2 minutes too soon!! :)

Diana said...

That. Is. Cruel.
And the fact that you're mad about the ice cream??? TOOO funny.
I wouldn't forgive either one, really...
and your dad? he has got to be the funniest...

Redneck Mommy said...

I think your Mrs. Gould is in fact, my mother.

It was a long road growing up. Unlike you, I would HIDE in the bathroom to avoid having to go to the park with my family.

Hope your folks bought you some damn icecream after all that suffering!

Chaos Control said...

Hillarious!!

I can't even imagine how your parents must have felt after they realized that you weren't in the car ... too, too funny!

Diana said...

dennis do you still throw this in their face? Like suddenly say "Well, you guys left me at home!" to remind them of the torture you endured that day?

*I would* LOL!

dennis said...

RNM: I am not certain she would be your mommy, her grandkids got all the ice cream they wanted :)

CC: They are not at all abashed by the incident

diana: no, i am not that entirely without sense. Tell the world via the internet? yes
throw it in mom and dad's faces again? FORGET.IT!