Saturday, August 19, 2006

Boy Meets Girl, Boy Gets Girl (or enough stalling here is our tale)

May 1992,

I am working as a lowly Bus Boy in an outdoor food court at the much ballyhooed Ameriflop ( better known as Ameriflora). One of the food stands was managed by an Asian Beauty and she was waaaaaay out of my league.

One evening after the park closed, I heard someone singing with the radio and knew I had to meet her. So the very next day I approached the Asian Beauty (AB) and came up with what has to be the worlds’ worst intro (by rights, I should still be single to this day):

Me: You know, every time I see you, you’re doing paperwork.
AB: --actually she said nothing but her expression was yelling ‘No, Shit!’

After that auspicious beginning, I had my opening. Within a few weeks I was reading papers she saved for me and because she was busy (and I was dirt poor) I was enjoying free lunches, her treat. Yep, things were moving right along. I just had to get her past that little mental block called ‘Current Boyfriend’.

By the end of June we had our first date! I decided about then that she was THE ONE! Of course I had the problem of trying to convince AB that almost two months into our ‘relationship’ it was time to tie the knot. But there was still time, after all Ameriflora was a summer festival.

By the time summer was ending, AB was packing to go overseas, to the Netherlands. Thus endeth our relationship (or so I thought). After all, how many couples last with long distance relationships? Dating was difficult enough when we lived in the same city. There had to be an answer. And there was. It was time to propose, before she left Europe and went back home to the Philippines. So I picked up the phone:

Me: …blah blah blah…Hey, if I were to propose do you think you’d say yes?
AB: …Oh sure!!…

OH YES! I am engaged (insert white boy happy dance)! All I need to do now is get the ring, send it to her and plan the wedding!! Oh, and find the time to let AB know we were going to start a family together!

Folks if you thought I was skating by on a wing and a prayer up until now…

After purchasing a ring, I had to find a relatively safe manner in which to have it delivered. I considered several options and settled on the USPS. Yep, the Postal Service was to take my heart and soul overseas and deliver it to AB.

Of course I could not just package the ring in a standard jewelry box. That would be too obvious (although I did list it on the insurance section of the overseas voucher—just in case). So, seeing as how I was one of those individuals that put the red into Redneck thus knowing that duct tape is a handyman’s secret weapon, I wrapped the ring in cardboard and secured it with duct tape and then wrapped the entire mess with an old, ragged T-shirt. To make certain that if I failed to flush the engagement before it happened, I also sent a 15 page missive dealing with the every day mundane, including waiting to mention the ring with a brief sentence somewhere on page 12.

AB upon receipt did the following:
a- ignored the insurance claimer on a ring (Surprise still intact!)
b- pulled the letter out of the envelope and started to read
c- tossed the duct taped cardboard into the nearest trash bin
d- vaguely wondered why I sent a ragged T-Shirt and had it wrapped around a bunch of cardboard.

After picking up the letter, AB left to catch a bus and as she neared the bus stop read something like ‘So what did you think of the ring?’. A brief frantic search found no ring. AB had to ask, ‘Did it fall out of the envelope? ‘What was it in?’ ‘No! He didn’t—He wouldn’t? He put it in the cardboard?’

I have to believe most sane people would have left and said, ‘SEE YOU LATER, FOOL!’ But AB went back and retrieved the ring! Of course she had to dig it out of the communal trash bin (mostly paper)!

Any who, 12 years and two kids later our marriage is still going strong and is just as full of laughs now as (ahem) 'we' had then!


Rebecca said...

Oh! That is hilarious that she threw the ring away....What a great story. That one will stand up to the test of time, and your grandkids are going to LOVE it!!!

mothergoosemouse said...

Love it! So glad she found the ring. I bet you've gotten lots of mileage out of joking about that one.

creative-Type Dad (Tony) said...

How funny! Man, that would have been some pricey trash.

Your pick-up line wasn't all that bad. Mine, to my wife, was "you talk normal". I was known for belting out good pick-up lines among the 'pack' (not stuff like that), but she made me nervous.

Mama of 2 said...

Oh Dennis...that was priceless!
To think that she threw the ring away at first just makes my jaw drop.
I'm glad that she found it though and you all have your happily ever after moment.


Diana said...

Great story! Love it! Worth the wait. ;)
Funny how she threw the ring out, def. classic moment. Do you still give her hell about it? My hubby would probably never let me live it down...
BTW-I like the name AB for you wife better than w.imp. I'm sure she would too...remember you were looking for a name for her...? yeah, there it is.

Waya said...

OMG! I was at the edge of my couch hoping that "oh lord" AB found the ring. Glad to hear that there's a happy ending to that and 12 years huh?! That's great!!

dennis said...

Rebecca: Yes, but in her defense, I humbly point out to your attention the manner of 'gift wrap' I chose when sending the ring.

Mothergoosemouse: I believe I am now merely a passenger on this train wreck when it gets retold. However the wife.imp has enrolled into a frequent flyer program on this story!

Tony: Man! That pick-up line was so...innocuous. However I had one other pick-up line that tops everyone:

me: Price check, Register 2 please! Price Check Register 2.
Hot Shopper Lady turns 4 shades of red.

I was holding up a jumbo box of tampons that refused to scan. During the ensuing silence she worked up the nerve to ask me out. I loved that job!

Mama of 2: Thank you!

Diana: Thank you too! I forwarded your suggestion of wife nicknames to the selection committee (the wife) and she flatly rejected asian beauty. She handed me some asian stereotypes (from the asian POV). So for now we are keeping wife.imp.

waya: Thank you! I keep telling people it really only seems like a couple of years...