Foot (HOOF) In Mouth Disease

Having lived through 12 years of marital bliss, I took some time recently to reflect on how socially inept I am (therefore what a miracle it is that I am married)

Things that actually came out of my mouth (or I put in writing and thought, 'yeah, that's ok')

5 - w.imp (for wife imp).
- I am still waiting for the frying pan upside the back of my head

4 - "It's fine. However it would be better if you gave (wife imp) more money so I could stay at home full time."
- this was uttered at a party in the house of my wife imp's department head after said boss asked me: '...How do you like being a full-time, at-home dad?'
- Yes, I was sober.
- I really have no excuse.
(did I mention that this was also the party at which I learned that 'bring a bouquet of flowers' means more than one pathetic handful...)

- This is only the 2nd in the list. It gets worse. Much much worse...

3 - $143.00.
- Yes, when petitioning the US government for a Fiancee visa for the wife imp, I actually stated this amount as my current savings account total.

I hear that my Father-In-Law still has a hearty laugh over this...

2 - 'Get on I-70 and go west'
- This piece of sage advice was given to the wife imp 2 weeks after she moved to the Buckeye State from the Philippines as she was preparing to leave my parents house to go to the capital city for a job interview.
- No, she had never been.
- Yes, my head was resting in its usual position - somewhere up my ass.

1 - 'That's got to be the ugliest baby I have ever seen.'
- I was 17.
- I was at my then girlfriend's house.
- It was her niece
- her entire family was present
- I lived to see my 18th birthday
- I developed a very intense belief in a Living God that day...

As I have not followed the 'official' format of a MEME (and have never been tagged - wah!) I will leave it up to you, BUT:
- What are the five worst social faux pas that you can personally claim?