Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Has anyone else noticed the backsliding??

I was going to write a post about taking the imps to the main library in our capital city and about how they fell asleep on the way and about how they would not wake up and how we napped in the underground parking garage then left.

But I got this email from the wife imp, originally posted to her by her sister. I am going to post wife imp's response in its entirety as it thoroughly states what I believe.

(The underlines and italics and bold-case is my doing as I wanted to highlight the areas of concern)

This is a long posting:

1- The sister imp's letter:
Hi everyone! This is one of the best e-mails I've ever received on the worth of a woman. Men tend to forget :) hehehe

I think it's true that independent women really don't have a problem being submissive to their husbands. It's if he's worthy of it that's the problem.

1a- original text:

Name Deleted
Digicell International Inc.

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end."

well said

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question,"What kind of man are you looking for?"

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye andasking."Do you really want to know?"

Reluctantly, he said, "Yes."

She began to expound...As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do formyself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman forthat matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more. "I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversationand mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
- "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.
- I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. Iam looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded.
- I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive... he just has to be worthy.
- God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.
When she finished her spill, she looked at him.

He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said,"You're asking a lot."

She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

2- Wife Imp's response:
I disagree - I don't think anyone should be submissive in any relationship. I think both parties should be willing to reach an agreement and be comfortable with the situation that ensues - maybe it is just the term "submissive" that I object to - as defined below:

Main Entry: sub·mis·sivePronunciation: s&b-'mis-ivFunction: adjective: characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others —sub·mis·sive·ness noun

Source: Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.


adj 1: inclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; "submissive servants"; "a submissive reply"; "replacing troublemakers with more submissive people" [ant: domineering] 2: willing to submit without resistance to authority; deferent 3: abjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; "slavish devotion to her job ruled her life"; "a slavish yes-man to the party bosses"- S.H.Adams; "she has become submissive and subservient" [syn: slavish, subservient]

Source: WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

I don't think anyone, man or woman, should compromise what he/she values (i.e., one's own self) to get something in return. Marriage is not a competition where one ups the other, it is a partnership, which if you have shared values, is not as difficult as cultures (classical or popular) portray. Or maybe I am just spoiled. As a woman I will be of service to my partner because I choose to do so (note the difference between "being of service to" as opposed to "submitting oneself to") not because that is what he wants, and I have to do so to keep him.

I think the other thing I have a problem with is women talk the talk but don't walk the walk. There are a million and a half of these emails about women being strong and independent - why are we so defensive? Quit talking about how strong we are, just live strong. Treat people fairly whether man or woman, then you are good to go. Lie on the bed we make, manage the situation we are in. To be honest, we keep talking about how men have it so good and that they don't have to suffer through what women do - geez, enough of this victim mentality.

OK that is my rant of the day. Maybe it is all semantics.

Thunderstorms on the way - it is very dark right now at 3pm. Hope all is well in your neck of the woods!


mothergoosemouse said...

I like what your wife had to say. Especially the part about just DOing it (instead of yammering on about it all the time). That's not to say that I don't value discourse, but if actions are inconsistent with words, it's hard to respect those words.

dennis said...

too true. Words often fall short when action would have been better. However, good communication often will solve problems before they begin or get worse...