Here's a Question for all you Gearheads

Yes, Diana I am speaking to you (or through you to your hubs).

But before we get to the motorhead question of the year, I thought I would bring up a difference between the imps' generation and my generation.

In playacting with fake guns, the imps will often supply the following sound effects:

B'yoom! b'yoom! b'yoomb'yoomb'yoomb'yoom! (accent on the 'b' and up an octave on the 'yoom')

Say it fast enough and it sounds like laser guns firing.

When I was growing up and playing with fake guns, our sound effects went much like:

Bang! Pow! bangbangbang! powpowpow!

My imps' sound effects are sooo much cooler!


Ok, back the $800.00 question:

My 2001 Ford Escape (yes 4x4) was roaring up a hill near the Playground and just simply stopped its forward momentum. Sitting on the side of the road it idled between 200-500 rpms (for those of you who do not bleed grease when cut, this means the car was trying its best to stop running).

I can tell you what was not wrong (our mechanic spent 4 days playing with the motor and was about two more bruised knuckles from giving up and then stumbled upon the solution).

Not the cause of the malfuntion:
1- Bad Gas
2- Faulty Fuel Pump
3- Blocked Fuel Line

So (motorheads, diana or diana's hubs) what was the problem?

(no, I was not charged $800 for repairs. After all, I did not have to go to a dealer for any work! The final bill was much, much, much lower!!)

More Holiday Stress (or why does daddy like to throw gasoline on the fire?)

Yes, I am back with more info concerning our Christmas "vacation" trip. When we last broached this topic, I was up the Proverbial Creek, no paddles and, as Jenny and Diana informed me, with no canoe either.

So there we were in Northern Illinois, 10 hours from home, and wife.imp was recovering from her recent shopping trip with a sedate lunch out. We were heading out to pick up her best friend (and his wife) from college (Ateneo de Manila University) who was also visiting relatives for Christmas.

So upon arriving at the restaurant (in the middle of lunch rush because we got lost on the way to the friend's house) wife.imp only had enough time to recount the 'Present' snafu 3 maybe 4 times.

Skipping forward in time because the imps were loud, whiny and did I mention loud?, I was rushing out to get the van fired up so we could escape the 'Evil-Eyed' stares of those diners the imps had not chased away.

Just as I reached the exit, girl.imp catches up with me and tells me that boy.imp needs his diaper changed and that wife.imp was having me change the diaper because she was enjoying time with her friends and because "...You owe her big time."

Exact quote. This is the type of quote that should send chills down your spine. The type of quote that should have mandatory sub-titles in flashing neon: DANGER, RUN--DON'T WALK, FLEE DAMMIT, DON'T LOOK BACK! PRETEND gir.imp DID NOT CATCH UP WITH YOU!

But no, I looked back at the table and there is wife.imp holding boy.imp up in the air waving him back and forth, smiling. Everyone at the table was smiling. And it was now too late to pretend I had not made eye contact!

Boy.Imp's pants were soaked. Absolutely, literally, dripping wet. Oddly enough the table top was dry. When I say soaked, I mean dripping from the bottoms of his shoes, his socks everything. It was as if he were dipped into a tub of water and handed to me. Ice cold water too. He was soaked and his pants were cold.

He sat through lunch, peeing what could only have been, what?, 2 liters, and not once did he complain. Not until his pants had time to cool down.

So into the bathroom for a quick change (but because daddy has had experience with more than one imp, he keeps a spare change of ...pants only in the diaper bag). So there I am, in a strange town, with a bag full of diapers and soiled clothes, in the middle of December, with my 3-year-old and no extra socks, no extra shoes and my own personal audience waiting for me outside the door.

Yes, wife.imp got a 2-fer that day. Dad forgot to pack a complete change of emergency clothes for boy.imp and was caught short--yet again.

However, there was a Wal-Mart not 10 minutes away. And now I am one of those folks. I would dress my son up in the dead of winter and take him shopping barefoot to the local Wal-Mart. I also would have him stand barefoot, in only his diapers while we tried on clothes in the middle of the Boys department.

Come on over folks, bring your cameras! Daddy is about to parade boy.imp up and down the aisles for your amusement. Admission is FREE!


Can you believe it is 12-years together and still going strong!!!

You're a No-Good, Grinch-like, Bastard of an Uncaring Christmas Mood Killer Dad!

Yes, that is right. I did everything possible to screw up Christmas for the imps. And I almost succeeded.

But Dennis, you seemed to be sooo into your imps. What happened?

Well, I apparently happened. Or as my brother put it, 'It just goes to show you how much he does not love his kids...'

How? How you might ask?

Well, we decided to keep the annual tradition of celebrating Christmas at my older Sib's house (his wife likes to decorate gingerbread houses with the imps).

So, two days before we leave, wife.imp is frantically purchasing last minute gifts and wrapping everything right up to the night before we leave. She even has special paper for 'Santa's Gifts' (I am supposed to get rid of this so the imps do not find it. It is hidden in my desk at the moment. But do not tell the wife, she does not know yet).

The day we are to leave, wife.imp has to go to work for a 'few hours' and believes she might be home by noon, at the latest. (It is raining and I do not relish driving all night to the northern end of Illinois in this weather only to unload the van in the wet in the early a.m.) Around 1 p.m. I am seriously considering cancelling the hotel and staying home for the holiday. When she calls after 3 p.m and advises that she is on her way home, I start rushing our luggage to the car. Having worked from a list, we only need wife.imp's clothing contribution and we are out the door and on the road!

When she calls after 4 p.m. (her commute usually lasts 30 minutes at worst), I detect a slight trace of annoyance in her voice. After her 5 p.m. call (an accident closed exits along 5 miles of the highway and she has been routed an extra 30 minutes in the wrong direction) I am seriously wondering if this weekend is going to be worth the effort.

However, even under the imps watchful eyes, I packed the car (did I mention I was working from a list?) with the presents for the nephews...wife.imp had gifts wrapped for our kids (both from us and from Santa) but knowing we would be going to the grandparents the day after Christmas, I left them in their hidey hole so that the little ones would have something to unwrap infront of the grandparents.

Did I mention that THE LIST I was working from was written expressly for my by wife.imp?

The afternoon prior to 'THE DAY' as we reclined in my elder brother's living room in Northern Illinois (a full 10-hours from our house!!), wife.imp looks at me and asks, 'Where are their gifts? I don't see the imps gifts under the tree.'

me: (smiling) oh, they're at home. I thought we'd bring them to mom and dad's Tuesday.
w.imp: Why would you think that? I mean...geesh! I spent..! What are they going to have to open tomorrow? Shit! Are they just supposed to sit there while everyone else unwraps gifts?
me: (not smiling) ummmmmm
w.imp: Now what--I have to go shopping.

brother.imp: (this is my younger brother who is not being very helpful) Ooooh, the day before Christmas! The malls will be full too! and bad traffic!

Thanks Bro! I see the family tradition of 'When you see a sibling in hot water, you make a nice soup!' has not been forgotten!

So wife.imp takes the family van out to the malls (in a city we have been to all of 5 times our entire lives, during one of the busiest days of the year, when all of the worst drivers are on the road flagrantly displaying their road-rage driving skills-- all by herself). My punishment? I got to sit at the house with the kids, waiting for wife.imp to come back from the latest shopping trip and gift-wrapping fiesta with her Christian spirit intact.

Oddly enough, gift-wrapping usually makes wife.imp glow and her mood brightens like the noonday sun. I was less than confident that this trip would replenish her sparkling mood, and when 7 p.m rolled past with no wife.imp to be seen...

As she later informed me, there is 30-plus years with this story. I believe I can expect to have it pulled out, buffed and repeated each and every year, probably when we start setting up the Christmas tree.

You ever get an idea in your head about how easy something is going to be??

I had a dead tree fall down in my back yard...Ok, I was going to talk about being Bunyanesque and how two days later I felt like the Tinman who had rusted....

But let's talk about my former neighbors: Bill and Anita Drumm.

They have THE COOLEST halloween displays year in and year out. Apparently the local gendarmes actually drove by with the loud speakers announcing their approval...Pix next year folks.

'But Dennis, this is Christmas! Why on earth are you babbling incessently about Halloween?? Why Dennis? Why? If my pencils were sharpened I would be stabbing them in my eyeballs now...'

Because Bill likes to dress up like Santa for the local schools and elderly in the neighborhood. This by itself is worthy of a blog, but not todays. No today Santa made a housecall!

The imps were screaming! Not words, just sounds.

Time-Hasteners - Final Edition

So the final Six have arrived just in time to bring in the Holiday Weekend with a minimum of stress (are you listening honey? a minimum of stress...)

6: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=9186670810343559618 - William Shatner 'sings' "Rocket Man".

5: http://www.alteringtime.com/features/misc/?p=baggins - Leonard Nemoy sings the Virtues of Bilbo Baggins!

4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnczcDaYB2I - After this, I truly became a fan of Disco (and computer animation!!)

3: http://www.capsteps.com/ - The Capitol Steps. It does not matter your political views, Liberal, Conservative, Repbulican, Democrat, you will be mocked as the opportunity presents. Right now we have Bush....(but remember we once also had Bubba)

2: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/drum.php - This is a must see, all day event!!

1: http://addictingclips.com/Content.aspx?key=EF73DC171C345DB4 - You might never trust your computer again - Learn to fear runaway programs!!


Bonus Time-Hasteners!!

a: http://albinoblacksheep.com/flash/animator - The original runaway program.

b: http://www.freeonlinegames.com/play/1833.html - Mambo music and Chinese food. You never really do get too much of this and you will find yourself going back for more!!

Oh Yes! Wife.Imp IS a Joy-Sucker!!

Now before you guys start with the bedroom eyes, envisioning crushed, red-velvet curtains and wall hangings, a king-sized, heart-shaped bed (that vibrates), and cheesy-1970s soundtrack playing in the background, let us just say that the the only thing I know of named Joy, works with Barbara Walters on 'The View.'

So, how is it that wife.imp is now known as 'Joy-Sucker' here at the Playground?

We were on our way to Church this a.m. and discussing what girl.imp could do career-wise with her penchant for drawing (and perhaps enrolling her into art classes this summer).

wife.imp:...you know if you want to be an artist you can go to school to be a Graphic Artist and not have to worry about being a starving artist. (Tony this sound familiar?)
girl.imp: Huh?
me: mommy is sucking the joy out of being a Starving Artist, honey!
girl.imp: Mommy is a Joy Sucker!

Is it proper to 'cheer' the 'death' of daddy's baby? or should we call it the benefits of a Treadmill!!

10:30 p.m. Wednesday

Upon arrival to home from a day of touring Ohio, boy.imp called me to his room.

b.imp: goodnight daddy

(hugs & kisses)

b.imp: daddy your baby is dead.
me: my what?
b.imp: (pointing at my stomach) your baby is dead!

woohoo, I am actually doing some good with the excercises!!!

Yea, me!!

Good, Honest, Open-Lines of Communication are IMPORTANT to maintaining a happy marriage

But before we get into all that, let me just say that wife.imp and I
went to a Who concert last night!




1) The concert was just over 31/2 hours long and was waaaaay toooo short!!
2) Best F&@*-ing concert I have ever attended! (Tony, although I have not been, this would include Lionel Richie)
3)It is a saaad, saaad thing to witness 40-55+ year-old-men sneaking hits off of their weed. It is even sadder that they knew we were in a section full of teen and (lord help us but why bring these imps to a WHO concert) pre-teen boys and the druggies still lit up...I believe the phrase 'would you like to smoke those out the other end of your body?' was in play...

But after watching those effing old men from England jump and rock non-stop (and make fun of the 'lame' antics of bands like the Red Hot Chili Peppers) I am in awe...and will be back on the treadmill later today!


Now, Sunday underlined, at least for us here at the Playground, why we need to communicate more effectively (yes guys, this is marriage-speak for 'men need to listen AND understand what we hear, dammit!)

Background to Sunday: wife.imp had a friend over for the weekend. Friend.imp was in town for a week of training then heading back to the Philippines. So every free moment they were off and shopping. Sunday was a day of shopping and brunch (I was there for the brunch!)

After eating wife.imp and Fr.imp were off to the Victoria Secrets and I and the imps were off to admire the 40' tall christmas tree with the 5' tall painted, styrofoam presents that were lined around the base of the tree. Very pretty. Wife.Imp knew that it would hold my attention for less than 30 seconds. So as she was walking away she shouted instructions:

w.imp: You know where we are going to be. Victoria Secrets blah blah blah!
me: Yeah yeah! Go on! We'll find you.
w.imp: You know where the store is? blah blah blah...
me: (waving and nodding) go on! We'll be fine.

Facing the main entrance to the main building of this complex, the Victoria Secrets store is directly inside the right hand door. I was wondering just how hard will it be to find someone in a store the size of a shoe box?

(keep in mind that, with the imps in tow, traveling from point A (tree) to point B (store) takes about 3-5 minutes. The restrooms and car from point A takes almost 10 minutes)

To be honest I did not know that Easton Town Center (http://www.eastontowncenter.com/index.cfm) had more than one Victoria Secrets store.

So, after admiring the tree, we headed off for the store. No wife.imp or fr.imp. HMMMM, did they go out the other door and are waiting for us at the tree???

saleslady.imp: Can I help you? (ie...you look lost and here you are dragging your two little ones through our store. How prescious! I bet you are here to buy something naughty for your wife and brought the imps along to make us pity you in a nice way!)
me: ummm, yes. I'm looking for my wife and her friend. They are filipina and about so tall and...
sl.imp: well - pause - I don't think I'll be able to help you.
me: thought not...

So out the door to the public restrooms then back to the tree (passing by the store just in case...nope, still not there).

So back at the tree the imps played Hide-and-Seek. Both getting scared because the tree was soo damn large they were not finding each other. Back to the store. Still no wife or friend. and then No girl.imp. It seems I was not moving fast enough and she decided to run around the store on her own.

me: ok, boy.imp. You really need to hold my hand because I am not going to lose you like mommy or g.imp. Excuse me (nice, friendly) saleslady.imp, I seem to have misplaced my daughter...

After retrieving girl.imp we went back outside to warm up. I do not know what it is about sales clerks and the holidays but they do seem to be more cranky this time of year...

Back to the tree. No wife.imp. I was feeling pretty tired by now and b.imp was more or less acting like an anchor at the end of my arm. So I decided that we missed connections and the safest place to wait would be back in the family van. 5 minutes after arriving at the van g.imp announces she needs to go potty. I now felt like the anchor dragging at the end of b.imp's hand...

Back inside the main building:

imps: Mommy!!!!

So friends, the moral to this story? If I had listened to wife.imp, you would not have had to slog through this long post!

Friday Nite Wanderings - Favorite Foreign Flicks - Time Hasteners Take IV

Friday Nite:
It is the beginning of a long, cold weekend. Long mostly because it will be cold - high of 37 degrees Fahrenheit.

This is the beginning of the sucky sports season. Mostly because I am no longer a die-hard fan of the NFL (thank you Art Modell), and (since the retirements of Bird, Johnson, Jordan) am not a fan of the NBA, never was a fan of hockey...and we are not in baseball season....

I must rely on my pre-recorded entertainment. I have a very diverse collection but I must try an match my desires to wife.imp's mood and late at night this usually means the long, dramatic movies are out (and are definitely out while the imps are awake).

So as I decided which foreign flick to watch (no these were not the soft-core that can be found on IFC F*@#&*G Channel>, I decided to do a list.

Favorite foreign Martial Arts movies from my collection (post-Bruce Lee).
5) Rumble in the Bronx - Jackie Chan taught us that anything on the set can be used as a weapon.
4) Drunken Master - This by far is our favorite Jackie Chan movie. Drunken Boxing RULES!
3) Hero - saw this in the theatre and now am up to 5 viewings at home. I still prefer the big screen but can watch this all day...
2) Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - This movie is the pinnacle of action, story-telling, and Martial Arts. Or it was until...
1) House of Flying Daggers - stop here. If no other film is ever made this would be worth watching on a daily basis!

Perhaps I might offer up an opposing list of the worst, yet must-watch Martial Arts movies (yes, also in my collection!) next week.

Time Hasteners Take IV
Ok, the last time we updated this list, it was all text. That is over now. Get rid of the kids, tell the boss you are on a 2-hour break...

6) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa_7P5AbUww&NR - I just stumbled on this and no matter what you thought about Steve Irwin - this will make you smile!

5) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRc6MsMu4HY - I have absolutely hated rap/hip-hop for years. As-a-matter-of-fact, the only rap album I own had the song, 'Fly Girl'.

4) http://www.ebaumsworld.com/santasling.html - Throwing the 'Fat Man' for points! Can it Get any Better??

Should we go out in public?

Before I digress into the main thrust of tonight's blog, let me just state that both imps have made it decidedly difficult for us to enjoy a dinner out. As a matter of fact, we are those parents who have imps that want/try to run wild in restaurants...

Our apologies.

Now on to tonight's post!

Girl.Imp had her school's Christmas pageant. Yes, our little, Catholic, school girl was a penguin in a choir for the school's play on how Penguins Rescued Santa and saved Christmas!

(yes...yes...lighten up dennis...)

Before we get to the stage let's take a quick trip to the after dinner conversation Boy.Imp had with, well you'll see:

boy.imp: Pecker! peck. peck. Pecker!

wife.imp was rushing to eat and discussing her day, thus probably missed this activity on b.imp's part.

me: (pecker? wtf, b.imp?)

b.imp: Pecker! Pecker! peck. peck. Pecker!

me: ummm...(it was right here that I saw b.imp was playing with two of the bird ornaments from the Christmas tree. Yes, this was truly an 'aha!' moment!)


Back to the Play:
The 1st grade, penguin choir starts into its recital and can anyone guess whose little imp stood in the center of the podium and Yawned her way through two of three songs?

Or perhaps which imp was chatting with others around her and (as we discovered later) initiated tickle fights during the songs?

Or, can anyone guess, which darling, little imp simply had to indulge herself in the heavy-metal, head-banging motion during a pause in the singing?

Yes our imp was front and center All.Night.Long!


and do not think that sitting in the audience was a treat. B.imp, when he wasn't busy hopping on and off of our laps also preferred other seats:

wife.imp: (whispering in my ear) Ouch! He's sitting on my boobies!!
(b.imp was standing on her lap leaning back into her...um...chestal region and kind of bouncing up and down to the music...)
me: teeheehee!

However, while it appears (to wife.imp's great dismay) g.imp has inherited daddy's--ahem--'rhythm', she really can carry a tune. Plus, not once was she caught picking her nose or nibbling on her fingernails during the concert!

Time-Hasteners - Take Three

Ok, we have seen Stick Figure mayhem and we have abused a Gerbil and were Burninated by Trogdor.

What could possibly top that?

Let us switch things up and go with some written text.

What? Read you say, Dennis?

What could possibly be sooooo interesting to make me want to stop work to read some pointless drivel? I have projects to complete and/or imps to care for. I have a loooooong ass week ahead of me and an unrelenting schedule of numbness ahead...

Ok, now that I have you in the proper frame of mind:

9: Bored with the daily grind? Need a change of scenery? Well strap on some wings to your lawnchair and fly! Or read about how Larry did it: http://tlc.ousd.k12.ca.us/~acody/larry.html

8: Considering what to do when your imps are old enough to pursue higher education? Wondering how to approach a top-level university? John Mongan did! http://www.cartalk.com/content/features/hell/Bestof/mit-letter.html

7: There is nothing like a philosophical question to excite the brain cells. So what do you believe? Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? http://www.pinetree.net/humor/thermodynamics.html


Happy Holidays!!

There was a time when cutting down the Christmas Tree was the highlight of the holiday season...

Every year (after Thanksgiving or my birthday, whichever came last) I would look forward to driving out to the 'ole tree farm, trudging across miles of fields full of trees searching for that perfect tree. There were so many choices, short and fat, tall and lean, long-needled, short-needled, trees with 'holes' in them that could be turned to the corner and hidden under ornaments...

Yes, cutting down the real tree and carrying it, regardless of the cold, the pine needles that worked their way under your coat and shirt collar, and coating your hands in pine sap...Yes, this was Christmas!

Then approx 5 years ago, our tree died.

What you say? The trees will die anyway? That is what happens when you cut them off from the support system of their roots?

Ok. I accept that fact. The tree was supposed to die.


and...IT.DID.

One week before Christmas the tree gave up the ghost and all of its needles.

EVERY.SINGLE.NEEDLE.

So on the last trash pick-up day before Christmas, ours was the only house that had a dead, brown, needless tree at the curb waiting for pickup and a new, dead, green, plastic tree up and decorated (and I got it 1/2 priced too!!)

So this year I wormed into the crawlspace and hauled the Christmas Tree upstairs for assembly.








Yes, we are officially in Christmas mode here at the Playground!!

I am sooooo ashamed!

Imagine wife.imp suggested that she would not mind a snack (late nite) and continues to ponder the subject, finally deciding on popcorn. Even though I was not (apparently) one of the snack items considered, I trotted out to la cocina and tossed a packet of popcorn in the microwave.

Ok, I need to digress here. Yes, I have been cooking since the tender age of 12. I started cooking popcorn in a pot on the stove. I do know what a microwave is....

I knew I was in trouble when:
1- after starting the microwave I started pouring soda in a glass and decided I need not rush the process as the timer was still showing 61/2 minutes.

2- I finished pouring the soda and realized there was less noise in the kitchen than what one usually associates with popcorn popping.

3- After the timer beeped and there were no sounds, no smells of cooked or burnt corn kernels, I realized what happened. Instead of pressing the 'popcorn' preset button on the blamed machine, I actually told it to defrost 11/2 pounds of ground beef!!

I believe this actually ties (for total amount of stupidity) the time (I was 14) when I was making a Lemon Meringue pie from scratch and discovered we did not have one graham cracker in the house. However we did have a full, unopened box of Ritz All-Purpose Crackers...

So what are your food faux pas?

'I'm a VERRRRRRRY BAAAAD boy!'

VS.


Ok, around 8:10 p.m.sh tonight I flipped the t.v. off of the Disney Channel (it was bathtime for the imps. It was almost bedtime for the imps. I had to finish assembling our Christmas Tree).

To make my case, 'That's So Raven' was over. A new show was juuuust beginning to start and Monday Night Football was also starting:

boy.imp: Santa! (whiny voice that fully registers both his anger and sadness as only a three -year-old can) I want Santa! (brief pause as he glares directly at me) Bad Daddy! Bad Daddy! You put football on!

Time-Hasteners - Take Two

As we are embarking on the current version of the the holiday blues (you know who you are: In-Laws planning on stopping by , Kids are home ALL DAY from school, work is a bear; no more holiday days or sick days, and right now where is all that Darn Snow??

So, because Time is ever moving (no matter how slow), I am proffering items 12-10 on my list of daily interludes:

12: http://www.bigducky.com/prank_calls/911.htm - This baby has been around for years! It has been an Uban Legend. It might very well (and probably is) be fake. But funny is as funny does!

11: http://addictinggames.com/bowman2.html - ok, ok you look at this and say 'Whahuh?' But think about it! Stickmen bearing weapons! Ok, it's a bow, but still...

10: http://addictinggames.com/territorywar.html - ok, this is officially a trend. But let's take away the bow and update the weapons!

Enjoy!



oh, you're welcome!

Since My Birthday is Sunday and we ARE in the Midst of the Holiday Season...

... AND we are at the start of a long stretch of the looooong holiday season when those of us...you..whom are still fully involved in the grinding, soul-wearying, endlessly gray, mind-numbing, work-filled days, want nothing better than a brief respite, a smile, a chuckle, nay--mayhaps a hearty guffaw!

So, since I no longer fight the Man for table-leavings and scraps (eg: a salary) I am going to list 15 of my past and present 'Time Hasteners'.

15) Trogdor the Burninator - http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html - I have never met Strongbad, but color me a fan for this animation alone. Oh, and turn the sound down!!

14) Pendulumeca - http://addictinggames.com/pendulumeca.html - It is almost criminal the way you can have so much fun with just the one mouse button.

13) The Hamster or Frog from JoeCartoons.com. Turn the volume down and remember (Diane this one is for you) You can envision the most annoying imp.worker in you department in these situations!!)

My Apologies to Radioactive Girl. The Picture of the Turkey was Great! The Bird looked perfect! Well almost perfect, since it had a name and all...

I felt it needed a personality...

Lunch Out

Ok, I have been invited to lunch with the wife.imp and her co-workers!
Yes, the Trophy Husband is going on display for the holidays!!

I must keep this short so that I can get out the power washer and scrape of the grime and grit built up over the last....oh, 30 odd years!! LOL

Then I will have to go do some shopping. Some for me, some for the holidays!

Being the 'Kept Man' might have its advantages!

anyone know what time Oprah is on?

Ailing Imps, Bloody Murder in the Shower, Imps Butt Heads, Mama Loves Snoopy Doo

Ok, now that you know the topics and their order:

1) Boy.Imp woke this a.m. and informed me "I don't feel like my usual self."
--Ok. Boy.Imp usually tears through the house until we rope his hands and feet together and plop him in the car, only cutting him loose upon arrival at the Imp-Sitter's house.

So we take his temp. Very close to normal. Into the car....

P.M. temperature is a different story. I admit that I made a mistake and gave him his medicine too early. He is now feeling fine and making up for lost time!!

2) Girl.Imp goes into the shower and within moments is screaming bloody murder. Ok, she is only screaming about her bloody toe. Apparently she dropped a bottle of shampoo on her toe and split it open.

However thanks to quick application of a cleansing solution she forgot about the pain from the blow to her toe and started to blow on her toe to relieve it of the sting of the cleanser.

however:

3) Things got better until boy.imp wanted to see what the fuss was about and crouched down to get a closer look at girl.imp's toe. But, boys being boys, no more blood was gushing out of said wound and he got bored and stood up. However at this exact moment, girl.imp was bending over to point out what will soon be referred to as her 'Shower Scar'.

4) The premier broadcast of the brand-new Charlie Brown was on and wife.imp was in the midst of expressing her surprise:
w.imp: This is brand new. You missed it but earlier Scooby Doo was on a surfboard and ramping off of one of those half-pipes...

You realize that you are still a parent when the biggest proclamation of the night is not 'OSU 42 - the men with the Ugly hats 39'

Yes, the Buckeyes (coincedentally our alma mater) is one win away from regaining the national title.

We beat UofM!

We have the potential Heisman winner as quarterback for our team!

One would think that I would be deliriously happy right now. However, boy.imp managed to Harsh my High:

Picture the Scene: On t.v. is the subway commercial where the 'Thin Jared' is wrestling the 'Fat Jared'. boy.imp wanders into the room (filled with my relatives and friends of the family))

boy.imp: It's Daddy!! (pointing at the 'Fat Jared' who is being tossed out of the wrestling ring)

Happy Holidays!

While you are eating your pumpkin pies, pumpkin rolls, and other assorted goodies, please feel free to spare a kind thought for me and my celery and rice cakes...

photo from website: http://pictures.aol.com/galleries/chrisstolfi/b8b0VOvObzhYZ0HA*N5MLy3wo5CvLBPkQJKov4xQp5Fd3Ig=/large/membertag/ohio%20state

As Heard At Bath Time:

me: ...what's taking you so long?
girl.imp: I'm trying to take off this band-aid.
me: Come here. I'll do it.
g.imp: Will it hurt?
me: It will sting, but not for long.
g.imp: Mommy!
wife.imp: Yes, honey?
g.imp: I want YOU to take this off for me!
wife.imp: Ok. Why me? Why can't your daddy...?
g.imp: He said it will sting. I want you to do it so that it doesn't hurt.
wife.imp: Ok. Stand still (grips one end of band-aid and jerks...)
g.imp: OW!
wife.imp: whoops. It only came half way off. (TUG!)
g.imp: OW!
wife.imp: (TUG!)
g.imp: OW!
wife.imp: (TUG!)
g.imp: OW!
wife.imp: (TUG!)
me: Here let me do it. (tugtugtug)
g.imp:O...uh...
me: (TUG!!)
g.imp: OWWWWW!!
me: Ok, go get in the shower now!

Out of the Mouths of Imps

girl.imp: Daddy?
me: hmmm
girl.imp: Daddy, you need to excercise
me: (what??) I do?
girl.imp: yes, you do.
me: why?
girl.imp: because you are starting to look like grandpa!
me: Oh, in what way?
girl.imp: in the belly! You really need to get on the treadmill. You have not been on it in ages.
me: well, I hurt my foot...
girl.imp: but you really really need to start using it again...

Now that I am thoroughly depressed....Bring on the Holidays!!



picture borrowed from The Santa Claus Magic Picture Photo Album (http://www.emailsanta.com/santa_photos-vacation.asp)

It Is a New Week and What Shall I Do with My Time?

Well today wife.imp took off for a day trip to NJ. So I continued the streak and got the imps up and out the door EARLY!!

On my way to drop girl.imp off at her school I noticed a disturbing trend occurring with my neighbors' yards. No I am not talking about the alarming number of outdoor Christmas decors popping up like winter mushrooms. However, might I remind you folks of a little known holiday we used to observe here in the mid-west?

Thanksgiving..??

Anywho, the problem was that the yards were neat, green and utterly leafless. I gave this long and careful consideration while travelling the byroads back to the manse. I might have a few leaves littering my yard. But are they enough to warrant spending the day in the yard???


The Backyard


The Deck


The Front Yard

So This Week Is Almost Over and 'Normalcy' Shall Return

Playground Events:
For the 4th straight day - Up Early!!

(However I did cheat and send boy.imp to the sitter's in his PJs. But she likes kids. She likes my kids. She likes to pamper and spoil my kids. She did not mind at all that he came in his PJs. I did include a change of clothes for him tho. IN FACT, this worked out so well, I have him dressed in his sweat pants for tomorrow morning!)

For Boy.Imp's birthday, I broke my 'TIP REDUCTION' calculator:

Yes, even though service was 'slower than molasses', I relented on my tip reduction principles.


I believe it was because the server actually was somewhat pro-active in her approach. Perhaps she was the only one...She called the manager over and explained the dilemma: 'the imps had been sittingfor over 45 minutes, hungry and mostly well-behaved with no sign of his corndogs or her grilled cheese (I had a fajita).'

So what does the cheapass manager offer? He was going to keep charging full price and comp our desserts! Hell, I had all but written dessert off! I still had homework to review, baths etc... waiting for us at home!

I did manage to remain polite. I was afraid to speak, but I did keep my hands on the table at all times. The food eventually appeared and the imps ate. We then took our free desserts to go. However I did leave a nice tip for the server. (Yes dear, I was thinking of you here as I know that this was a special evening and we should spread the love...).

So we get home and NEITHER imp wants to finish the dessert!!! (Honey, it is all yours when you get home!)

Now that we have reached Hump Day...

Events concerning the Playground (Tuesday):

The imps were up and out the door EARLY (see that honey? Early! Am I gloating? Yes! Why? Because that makes TWO days in a row! Yeah Baby!)

Of course wife.imp will take one look at the inside of the house and ask, 'So what was the point? The house is a mess. If you got the imps out as early as you claimed, why is not our humble abode...well...tidy?'

I, of course, will stare at the tops of my feet, mumble something about rain and parades and point out that I did at least take out the trash.

However this is a bridge that need not be crossed until -- later.


Today's News:
Did I say 'two days in a row?' Silly me. Three days in a row baby!! Who rocks? I do!! LOL

However it is a good thing that I browbeat girl.imp into opening her eyes (this girl must have had gene grafts taken from my younger brother. Both she and he could sleep through fires, floods, tornado, hurricane and the larger part of any day.) So I have resorted to the final measure. One that was used so effectively on us, when we were tiny.

After shaking, calling, pulling, rolling girl.imp until my voice goes hoarse, I fill a small tub of ice water and ...

Yesterday and Today she got out of bed without my needing to resort to the 'Early Morning Shower.'

This allowed me to get out of the door, cruise down the street and make a wrong turn in the a.m. rush hour traffic. After turning around and going all the way across town (small towns do have this charm), I dropped g.imp off at school with minutes to spare.

But my big accomplishment was not this. No. Today I corrected a problem that has been nagging the back of my mind ever since the elder sib and his wife stayed with us for our youngest sister's wedding last month.

I made the error of leaving them at home with a DVD playing. It seems they became somewhat disoriented and confused while trying to manipulate the 6 remotes that we use for our entertainment needs. I find no difficulty in managing the remotes. Drop them in a bucket in the dark and I will find the exact one needed for any task. But since ES and Wife suffered for 4 hours without anything to occupy their time (ahem--at least nothing needing further investigation..?), I have felt the need to condense.

The old remotes were not sufficient to universally adapt to all the electronics. So I, today, purchased a 7th remote. Yes, I added one more to the pile (and then threw the pile away). Yes this last remote, all by its lonesome runs every electronic item in the house. And since they are all piled in the corner of the family room, it is quite convenient!

OH! And today is boy. imp’s 3rd birthday. I bought him a remote controlled car. (sorry honey, but you are in Zurich and I am here. LOL!! I cannot wait to try out.....I cannot wait for b.imp to try out his new present!)


Let us look at Tuesday's results:
Events outside of the Playground:

Ohio voted against using Sin Taxes to 'pay' for college tuitions! I guess this finally shows the 'big city mucky-mucks' that we actually do wear more than suspenders and 'chaw on tobaccy out here in the hinterlands!

To date: Gamblers - 0 ; Voters - 3

Smokers - No love given - yet again.

Something Humorous for Mother of 2

As we all know, I foolishly made a boast and of course made an even bigger mistake of forgetting this incident in rushing pell-mell to make this boast.

Yes, we here at the Playground are finding ourselves in the uncomfortable and rare occasion of having to admit our fallibility.

What, you might ask, what prompts this astounding admission? Weeell, it all began with my preparations for wife.imp's departure. I knew that with her gone, I would have to have a menu for the week. So, I decided on a pot roast on Sunday.

I do pot roasts very well. In fact, my pot roasts are only bested by my 'world-famous' sausage stuffing. So, now that we have established that this 'goof' is food related and that I cook a mean roast, what was the problem?

I blame the garlic.

Yes, I love me some garlic. Garlic, pepper and onions. If ever a seasoning was a divine gift to humanity, Garlic was the gift. If you have not noticed garlic has a strong presence. It does not merely announce itself, it demands an accounting.

So, after infusing (yes, I said infusing, get over it!) the roast with this divine presence, I loaded up the slow cooker and wandered out of the room, certain that the week was kicked off in the proper manner. With Good Food!

In my defense, the power cord from the slow cooker is white. So is the cord from our rice cooker. So, after lovingly (yes, I said lovingly, get over it!) preparing the roast and plugging in the rice cooker, I went back to puttering around the house.

Now, one might ask, 'Did he not notice the food was not cooking? Did he not realize that the imps did not prefer raw meat at dinner?'

Well, yes, I knew this. However the scent of garlic followed me throughout the house and at times seemed to grow stronger. Hence, I believed the roast was cooking and that we would be eating on schedule!

Imagine my surprise/chagrin when I went to test the meat/veggies and found everything sitting uncooked, warmed merely to room temperature.

So, what meal did the imps start the week off with?

Nutella and Jam, followed with 'Cookies and Cream' ice-cream.

Yummie!!

photo cribbed from 'haverchuk.blogspot.com'

Well she has gone...

Yes, wife.imp has left for Zurich and a week full of work in the Swiss Alps. Most people would be green with envy.

But let me tell you, my e-maginary friends, a week full of non-stop work, INSIDE, even in the alps does not bring the joy people might assume.

So we leave her at the airport and as they commence boarding in preparation of the WAIT before the pre-flight check, prior to storing the luggage, before fueling the engines, as they commence the operations to begin moving the airplane onto the flight deck in order to wait their turn to take off, wife.imp calls for one last check. A brief conversation ensues then I hand the phone to girl.imp:

g.imp: yes, uhuh, yes, I love you, uhuh, yes, I know, 'Don't do DRAMA to daddy.'...

Talk about CUTE!!



Oh, elder sib also got his 1st deer ever during the last hour of the last day of his hunting trip. Dad told me it looks rather more like a large dog (meaning tiny tiny deer). But it qualified!

The FEVER has visited

What fever you might ask?
Am I one of those horribly clueless parents that is here to brag about how high the fever was? Do I revel so much in the suffering of others that I am willing to poke fun of the imps illness?

Of course not!

Here at the Playground we feel the imps are the center of our universe, to be cherished and loved unconditionally.

However, while we might love and cherish other family members, Playground rules do allow us the occasional chuckle as said family members' misfortune.

Deer Season Is In Full Swing

Now I am not a hunter. Not that I am opposed to the wholesale slaughter of the adult Bambi's roaming throughout our great State. After all, I saw how reducing the kill limits led to starvation and disease that also decimated that population.

So now that I have moved the soapbox onto a pedestal, let's digress and discuss my elder sib's infatuation with 'The Hunt'.

ES.imp has been an avid bowhunter for upwards of 10 years. To date, he has lost 5-8 arrows and made 0 kills. However, this week he came OH SO CLOSE!

Picture sitting for two days in freezing temperatures with body-numbing, cold rain pounding on you as you sit, perched 14 feet in the air on a 3'x4' metal platform. At some point during these 48 hours you might start to question your verve, your desire, your need to chase the thrill. That tiny platform and the nerve-numbing water pellets that ceaselessly beat at your will, sapping your desire, stealing your warmth and then you see it!

Without the slightest whisper it appears. A large buck, the object of your dreams your fantasies, the reason you left the missus alone in her bed three States away, strolls calmly out of the underbrush. NOT.50.FEET.AWAY.

And he does not scent you. In fact, he continues to approach, only to pause when within 15-20 paces. He then then turns sideways, presenting the PERFECT target. Only then, at the moment the arrow is raised...

!!!BUCK FEVER!!!


Yes, ES.imp was struck with the FEVER. He found it impossible to do more than hold the bow and arrow in the air and breath helplessly at his prey.

Then the Buck moved on and action returned to ES.sib's limbs.

There is always next year...

(I have been informed that there is no 'next year' for me tho'. I am reliably informed that my $$ will be spent on skiing equipment. Any deer hunting I do, shall be done with the front end of my vehicle...)

Long Time No See...

Sometimes this is what I feel when I get home from work and find everyone in bed or going to bed (and recently...Running around avoiding bed with all their power...)

So to catch you up on recent events...Pictures from my sister's wedding (girl.imp was the flower girl) Not Happening!! You might recall that we (I) forgot to pack the camera so we (I) am relying on my relatives to bail me out and forward some pictures...

Not for one minute have I allowed myself to believe that wife.imp has forgotten about her lack of photographic joy from this event!!


Now going backwards in time:

Boy.Imp has become somewhat temperamental recently. More often than not he will go immediately to whining and pouting rather thank ask for something first. So one morning I had an early appointment and took girl.imp to school. Wife.Imp was left with taking b.imp to the babysitters.

b.imp: (clutching the front door with both hands and shrieking, not screaming, shrieking) I don't want to go! I want to eat breakfast! I don't want to go! I want to eat breakfast!

(PUMP UP THE VOLUME AND REPEAT!)

Unfortunately for wife.imp, she was late for work, the day was warm, and our neighbors that do not cow-tow to the 9-5 daily lie, were puttering in their yards and privately marking our house as the one to caution their imps against going too near. I am still awaiting the preliminary visit from Children Services.


HALLOWEEN has come and gone. It was rainy and wet and cold and I got to stay home! LOL

Wife.Imp prefers to wander the darkened streets in her costume rather than stay home and greeting visitors...(not that I am implying in any way that wife.imp is a closeted street walker/worker. Nosiree, that would be -- wrong. ).

Here are some pictures of the Imps In Costume:

It must be in our family's blood!

'Atta boy! That's my nephew in the cap putting the beat down on the opposing QB! (ok, the kid actually tripped over his own feet, but the picture is GREAT!)




and we managed to eke out a win!
(apparently neph.imp's team was not doing so well until the coaches all volunteered for extreme haircuts if the imps won their last three games. Mission Accomplished!!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL.IMP!!

Now what are we going to do for boy.imp?

More Head! More Head! More Head!

Sunday:
Since we have already determined that my life is not the ultimate porn movie this dialogue did not surprise me as many of girl.imp's past statements have. In fact, girl.imp was 'in character' and attacking me with her life-sized Pluto doll.

Is it the season or are the imps actually this spoiled. Both will now sulk, cry, fake cry and wail at the drop of a hat (and they are usually the ones dropping said hat)!

Saturday:
We went to Tumbleweed for girl.imp's pre-birthday night out at a restaurant (she wants to go to Bob Evans for the real deal) and actually had a good time. Except that the waitress assumed that she need not arrive tableside until 10 minutes after we were seated and then return 10 minutes later with drinks (at which time she spilled two lemonades on boy.imp) then returned 10 minutes later to take our dinner orders...

approx. 40 minutes later our food arrived...

To put this in terms of the vaunted American Couch Potato, we were seated at about 3 minutes into the 2nd 1/2 of a football game and were served with about 2 minutes left in the 4th quarter (In baseball terms 4 innings would have come and gone).

I asked wife.imp to include the tip as I felt certain standards were not met and the Automatic Tip Subtraction Calculator in my head was flashing (in bright red numbers) $0.01.
Wife.Imp felt that was too low for girl.imp's birthday dinner tip and tried to argue me to a higher total.

In the end I told her to '...do what makes you feel better or do the right thing...' concerning the final tip amount.

w.imp did not tell me what the total was but I suspect she left a final total that was somewhat higher than my proposed sum.

KIDAR ALERT!!

Well it must be the weekend again! It is almost Friday morning (Letterman is starting in 15 minutes) and the imps are at it again!

girl.imp set a new family record (set previously by girl.imp) of taking a 45 minute shower. Now before you go all Village Bezerk on me, I would like to stress that the actual time g.imp spent standing under water was less than 5 minutes (including getting soap in her eyes). The remaining 40 minutes were spent running around the Playground in her unwashed birthday suit. I believe she was making up for the lost time this morning when I yanked her out of bed and into the car inside of 10 minutes (yes we woke up a tad late. but in wife.imp's defense she actually dreamed she was up and about and running on time...)

Girl.Imp is now sleeping on the sofa because she has an 'upset' tummy and since she normally (since the start of the school year) falls asleep by 9 p.m., we are giving her the benefit of doubt.

Boy.Imp tried to match g.imp's new shower record but after 15 minutes I peeled him off of the toilet and plopped him into the shower (fool me once....)

Now he is in his room screaming incoherently about his not being able to sleep and why cannot myself and wife.imp drop everything we are doing (she is playing spider solitaire and I am blogging--important grownup stuff here) and see to his every need? After all he is CUTE--and spoiled.

Yes, I admit that we have spoiled our imps. We blithely strolled down the road of good intentions and...

What is really bad is that we both had smiles of satisfaction when he stopped pronouncing words and just screamed in rage. It means that in a couple more nights (if our willpower is stronger than b.imp's - which is debatable at this point) we'll have imp-free evenings!!

Until then, I am going to be very low key about wife.imp's impending trips. That KIDAR is much too accurate at the moment!

Dear College Football Coach,

I realize that recruiting for major Division 1-A players is a difficult process and that coaches are scouting athletes of younger and younger age groups. In order to take some pressure off of your 2023 recruiting class, I would like to direct your attention to my imp.

I know that he is not yet 3 years old and might not have the height of the prototypical Division 1-A quarterback but based on how he was zipping his plastic football across our living room last night, I believe he has the requisite arm strength.

While you might argue that you have received enough verbal commitments for this class and cannot offer another scholarship at the quarterback position, this is not a problem. My imp is versatile and can play many positions. Along with having the arm strength to compete as a quarterback, my imp also has the mentality and toughness to be a big name Linebacker. During our session of toss and catch, my imp showed that he was not afraid to take on larger players in order to go after the ball, delivering several forearm blows to my trachea in the process.

Another strength my imp possess is an unnatural reserves of energy. His ability to wake early and spend the entire day running up the stairs and down the stairs and around the house, without the need for a nap or a bedtime before 12 a.m. are clear indicators that he will be able endure the rigorous and competive schedule of Division 1-A football with the energy to compete well into the fourth quarter of your games.

Thank you for your possible future interest and we will look forward to our campus visit in 15 years.

Sincerely,

Father of the Heisman 2026

Dear Wife.Imp,

I am posting this note in case you try to call home later this afternoon and find that we are not there. However we are not going shopping, otherwise I would have called and ask for any items you might want.

No, I just found out that we have too many items sitting on the shower shelves in our bathroom. This fact was brought, rather painfully, to my attention when I was replacing the soap (and subsquently cleared the shelves of every other item). After I was able to clear the soap from my eyes and blood from my toes, I replaced the 8 shampoo and body wash bottles, 1 can of shaving cream, 1 razor, 1 painter's brush, and 4 kids toys back in some semblence of order (actually to be honest the total number of bottles of cleaning products and kids toys left in our shower has been drastically diminished).

The good news here is twofold: a) I do not believe I am in immediate danger of losing any digits, b) the new limp has evened out my walking gait.

Sincerely yours,
.....

Minor Rants

Sister.Imp is off on her honeymoon. Jamaica. One Week! When wife.imp and I walked down the aisle we did not have a honeymoon! Hell, we did not have any time off from work. Both of us went back to work the following Monday!

Color me Jealous!! Envious!! The Green-Eyed-Monster has arrived in the Playground!

---------------------------------

ESPN:
Where does this network get off by putting the NUMBER 1 team in the nation on its UHF cable channel?
How many people are going to go out and plop down $50+ bucks to pay for this channel? I mean I would sooner watch Late Night Cable Access channels!

Yet I am less upset by the heavy-handed tactics utilized by this network than I am at the University to which I funnel much of my (ahem--and wife.imp's) hard-earned money every year. How is it possible that the university officials sat back and said, 'Put our team on a channel it would take an inveterate explorer and the 'luck 'o the Irish' to find? In the middle of the season? And, in so doing, totally hack off the largest alumni association in the country?
Where do we sign?'

How is it possible that anyone thought this would be ok? Let's face it. ESPN-U is for those schools who still only get the Big 3 networks and still operate TV programs on the UHF band!!
I am still researching how to curse these people with very painful boils and/or plantars warts!!

-----------------------------------------

Why is it that the Imps will quietly jump in the tub and bed for wife.imp but when it is my turn to direct them at the Sandman, they turn into running targets...LOUD, PROTESTING, RUNNING TARGETS!

------------------------------------------------------------

Lost Items
We tore our house apart during the last two weeks. Our personal phone book and w.imp's passport were listed MIA. The phone book has been unseen since last Spring. The passport was a more recent casualty.
When I say that we tore the house apart, I did everything but take the decorative borders off of the drywall and wife.imp was at the point of scratching the walls with her fingernails. We emptied shelves, dresser drawers, kitchen cabinets, boxes, the imps bedrooms.

NADA !

So tonight wife.imp just happens to turn an envelope (manila) upside down and 'LO and BEHOLD' guess what the Blue People have left behind?

I am not going to ask why is everything is always found in the last place one looks. But I am going to ask why is it the last place one looks is also one of those places one looked into at least 2-3 times prior?

Do we have random strands of time vortices zipping through our neighborhoods?


-------------------------------------------------------

Who comes through the neighborhoods at night planting all those mushrooms in my yard?? And how can they grow damn big in only 2-3 days??

Events Surrounding My Sister's Wedding

Positives:
1) Unlike at my cousin's first wedding, when we arrived we did not see the groom being restrained by the best man, preventing him from 'opening a can of Whup-Ass' up on the bride's brother (since myself and my 2 brothers are actually the Bride's brothers, you can imagine our relief).
2) The imps behaved.
3) Girl.imp was the flower girl (pictures to be posted when we actually have any. It seems somebody forgot to pack the camera...)
4) Several of our relatives commented on the 20 minute ceremony (reminding us that sister's ceremony was NOT as long as a certain Catholic ceremony that they sat through 12 years ago--I would put this in the negative category, but, since I was a member of the audience this time, the shorter ceremony was appreciated)
5) Several relatives showed up that we did not expect to see.
6) Because we hosted my brothers at our house, our house is now mostly clean

Negatives:
1) We showed up at the church 21/2 hours before the ceremony for pictures our imps missed out on lunch. (we eventually left and were able to feed the imps but lost our premo parking space)
2) During the ceremony Girl.imp insisted on sniffing her armpits while standing in front of the church--MORE.THAN.ONCE!!
3) My older brother lost the card that our great aunts entrusted to his care after the ceremony. OOPS!
4) We discovered both imps love to DANCE.IN.PUBLIC (thus bringing home the nightmare that will become my future!!)
5) Somebody forgot to pack the camera and we do not currently have pictures of this event. We will gave pictures but not as soon as we initially hoped.
6) Everyone in the family knows of my lack of rhythm and inability to keep time...ANY time. Thus it should not have been a surprise to the bride that I planned to leave after the dancing and drinking (did I mention that wife.imp and I do not drink?) got into full swing.

Sister-Bride made a personal appearance at our table forbidding us from leaving early. So the latter 1/2 of the reception sucked. I sat and stared at sister until she disappeared (after all, I wanted her to be aware of our presence) then we left.

7) Somehow our TV switched channels (I was recording the game) and I lost the last 3 minutes of the OSU v MSU football game, with no hope of getting them back--EVER!

"...but mommy! I'm crying!!"

I had boy.imp in bed and mostly quiet when wife.imp rolled home from work. For the next few hours boy.imp ran in and out of his bedroom.
'I want a drink'
'I want Mozart' (he goes to be listening to Mozart -- what a boy!)
'There is a bug on the wall'
'I'm hot'

and on and on...but every request was finalized with 'go back to bed'.

You might have guessed boy.imp was not entirely supportive of his curfew and was trying to wear us down. After all, if he was not downstairs, then who was going to have fun playing with his toys.

In fact he was getting downright frustrated. After all, who were we to rain on his parade when he was working his ass off to get out of bed.

So then the wailing started. It started at the top of the stairs. It went down the hall. It went into his bedroom and GOT.LOUDER.

Then b.imp came running out of the room and issued his proclamation.

A week full of memories and bad internet connectivity has reduced them to the following one...

For what it is worth, we have had intermittant internet connectivity at the Playground this week.

So, what has happened?

wife.imp went to Boston on Tues. (a one day trip). So, girl.imp's kidar goes off at 3:30 a.m. and she wakes up wailing becuase she had a 'bad' dream.

What was this dream, you ask?

girl.imp: (wailing) mommy! MOMMY! I had a bad dream!
wife.imp: shhhh...I'm here. What did you dream.
g.imp: I dreamed you went to Boston and that you stayed there for two days!!! (renewed wailing)

Yes. You read this correctly. Girl.imp woke the household at 'too-effing-early' in the a.m. because she dreamed that wife.imp was going on a two day business trip.

There have been other events over the last week but this is what sticks out in my memory at the moment.

The Phone Call that makes one Proud to be from a Large Family

brriiing--briiing


me: Imp's residence

sister.imp: You know, I do not appreciate getting a phone call, 9 days before my wedding, from my sister who tells me she got a call from my eldest brother, who lives in Illinios, telling her to tell me that he is not going deer-hunting with 'brother-in-law' on the day of my wedding and that he will attend my wedding, because he got a phone call from one of my other brother's telling him that I was told that (eldest brother) was going deer hunting on the day of my wedding!!

me: (laughing...I was actually having trouble breathing too!)
s.imp: I really did not need this extra-stress 9.DAYS.BEFORE.MY.WEDDING. I am already stressed out as it is!
me: (laughing)--so brother.imp called sister.imp and she called you?
stressed out s.imp: ...yes?
me: because she called me to sell me popcorn for her imp and she told me that she was going to call eldest brother to sell him some too.
s.imp: she sold you popcorn? We are not allowed to sell it until Oct. 15.
me: Really? Then she called me and got my pre-order for the popcorn.
s.imp: really? you didn't buy any from my imp
me: he didn't call me. Tell you what. When he is allowed to sell the popcorn have him give me a call.

I called the eldest sib and confirmed that he was not going to miss the wedding (I don't know. Just how do these rumors start). In fact he informed me that he would have asked sister.imp if the wedding ceremony would be over by kickoff (OSU v MSU kickoff at 3:30 p.m.)